the word therapy often has a negative stigma associated with it.  i would say there is even more of one with men and people of color.  while the thoughts about therapy are not as negative or easily dismissed as they were 10 or 20 years ago, there is still a lot of work to be done.

when i think about many of my clients i see weekly or even every other week, many of them share a common thread: they are the first person in their family or friend group to go to therapy to unearth or discuss issues in their lives that (no matter how hard they try) seem impossible to work through or find a solution for.  that brings me to my thought of the week i came across on instagram courtesy of shannon downey – the creator of badass cross stitch.

“people in therapy are often in therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won’t go to therapy”

y’all.  listen.  this is some of the realest shit i have ever read.

not only did i think of so many of my clients, when i really thought about it, this even applied to me.  i remember as a child, when i asked to go to therapy, it was met with resistance from some members of my family.  i was told that i did not have any “real problems” and that i “didn’t know what stress was” which is laughable now as someone who both works as a therapist and as a person who has had a few anxiety attacks.

once i got to therapy, it became glaringly evident that one of my biggest stressors was with an immediate family member who (you guessed it) did not believe in therapy, despite the countless number of issues that were unaddressed in their lives.  so much of my time spent in therapy was spent discussing how to deal with unsupportive family members and how to break generational issues.  now, i do that same type of work with the teenage girls i work with daily.

if you are in therapy to deal with someone in your life who refuses to go to therapy, what has that been like for you?

xoxo,

k. tap

over the last month, i have had more conversations than i could count with friends and family about what a healthy and happy relationship looks like.  while i do not think there is only one version of a healthy and happy relationship, there are some basic prerequisites in mind that are truly nonnegotiable.  respect. both bringing something of substance to the table. independence. trust. loyalty. honesty. being secure as an individual.  i am sure there are more that i could add but these are the ones at the forefront of my mind.

with every single conversation, there was this theme.  all of the relationships had happy memories.  and with that came some confusion – some happy memories is not synonymous with a healthy and happy relationship.  when i came across this quote from billy chapata, it perfectly captured my thoughts and feelings on the matter.

“memories are a dangerous thing to be in love with.  i hope you learn to discern the difference between the love you have for someone, and the love you have for the moments you spent together.” -billy chapata

i have seen friends and family do this and i have definitely been guilty of it – staying in relationships longer than we should have because of the memories we are in love with.  great memories are not strong enough to be the glue or backbone of any relationship whether it be with a significant other, a family member or a friend.

are you able to differentiate between the love you have for someone versus the love you have for the moments you’ve spent together?

xoxo,

k. tap

my thought of the week was inspired by the mom of one of my closest friends.  carolyn, or mama oz as i call her, is a talented artist and owns the cutest shop in tacoma, washington.  if you ever find yourself in the area, be sure you stop by creative forces gifts and sundries.  you can check out her work here.

what first caught my eye was the beautiful backdrop of this quote.  the hues reminded me of my grandmother which made me smile.  mama oz and grammy both have the same favorite color – purple.  when i read the quote, i knew i had to blog about it.

“once in a while, blow your own damn mind.”

i like this for a variety of reasons.  first, it is realistic.  it is not likely that you will blow your mind every single day or even have your mind blown by someone else that frequently.  all this is asking is that every once in awhile, you astonish yourself with your own awesomeness.

then, i started thinking of when the last time was that i blew my own mind.  if you follow me on instagram or twitter, then you know that my brother challenged me to a workout challenge.  now, a workout challenge is one thing but he challenged me to workout for 30 straight days.  then, once the 30 days are over, i can “drop down” to five days per week.  initially, i thought he was crazy.  even with the lifestyle changes i have made in the last year (tracking everything i consume, trying to hit the gym or a workout class at least three times a week, being more aware of alcohol consumption, etc.), i just didn’t see myself as a person that would or could work out for 30 straight days.  i honestly couldn’t see myself working out for seven straight days.  i have only done that one other time in my adult life and it was when i was on a crash diet where my weight went up and down like a yo-yo afterwards.  additionally, i am not one of those people who gets super pumped to go to the gym or work out.  i am always happy afterwards but that is not always enough motivation to get me there.  i am also always happy after watching pretty much any show that is aired on bravo.  if you are a fellow bravo fanatic, i am sure you understand how my couch often wins the battle.

with my brother being part of the reason why i started to drop weight over the last year paired with him being a collegiate athlete, i figured why not give it a try.  i am just over 1/3 of the way in and i have not just been impressed by my dedication but i have been impressed with the results i can see happening already.  if i am seeing this and i am on day 11, it makes me that much more excited to see what changes i will notice by day 30.  and now that i have worked out for a double digit number of days consecutively, committing to 5 days per week seems more than feasible.  special shout out to pooh bear for pushing me to be my best.  i am blowing my own damn mind.

lastly, i love this quote because it is a simple reminder to do something extraordinary.

when was the last time you blew your own mind?  how did you do it?

xoxo,

k. tap