thought of the week: people in therapy

the word therapy often has a negative stigma associated with it.  i would say there is even more of one with men and people of color.  while the thoughts about therapy are not as negative or easily dismissed as they were 10 or 20 years ago, there is still a lot of work to be done.


when i think about many of my clients i see weekly or even every other week, many of them share a common thread: they are the first person in their family or friend group to go to therapy to unearth or discuss issues in their lives that (no matter how hard they try) seem impossible to work through or find a solution for.  that brings me to my thought of the week i came across on instagram courtesy of shannon downey – the creator of badass cross stitch.




“people in therapy are often in therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won’t go to therapy”


y’all.  listen.  this is some of the realest shit i have ever read.


not only did i think of so many of my clients, when i really thought about it, this even applied to me.  i remember as a child, when i asked to go to therapy, it was met with resistance from some members of my family.  i was told that i did not have any “real problems” and that i “didn’t know what stress was” which is laughable now as someone who both works as a therapist and as a person who has had a few anxiety attacks.


once i got to therapy, it became glaringly evident that one of my biggest stressors was with an immediate family member who (you guessed it) did not believe in therapy, despite the countless number of issues that were unaddressed in their lives.  so much of my time spent in therapy was spent discussing how to deal with unsupportive family members and how to break generational issues.  now, i do that same type of work with the teenage girls i work with daily.


if you are in therapy to deal with someone in your life who refuses to go to therapy, what has that been like for you?



k. tap


it has been days and i still cannot stop thinking about the mind-blowing dinner jessica and i had last week at bestia.


bestia is located in downtown la in the arts district.  from the outside, you see this industrial space that somehow pulls you in.  once you walk in, they somehow soften the space with beautiful decor, stunning chandeliers and pops of color.  because of how crowded the restaurant was, i did not snap photos of the interior (as to not disturb fellow diners).  i did however get photos/videos of what jess and i ordered and it was phenomenal.


first things first, be sure to get a reservation.  we had to book a reservation for a thursday evening almost two months out to get the time slot we wanted (7:45pm).  we arrived about 20 minutes early, valeted the car (would highly recommend as street parking is slim in the area and the parking lot is tight) and were inside by 7:30pm.  the hostesses were incredibly gracious and we were seated at least 10 minutes ahead of our reservation.  i would have been happy being seated on time so they had already earned extra points with us by this point.


our waitress was not only friendly but incredibly knowledgeable about the entire menu. since it was our first time, she had plenty of recommendations and suggested we order some things to share in order to be able to experience more of the menu.  she gave us a few minutes to discuss the menu and in that time, a wine connoisseur came over and was able to find jess a great alternative for the red she was looking for (she typically likes a malbec but since that wasn’t an option on this night, he recommended something she loved just as much).  i was on the fence between two rosés and after explaining the flavor profile of what i was looking for, he brought over the perfect glass.  there were a good 80+ wines to choose from and the menu was easy to navigate since the ones sold by the glass had a dot next to them.




for our starter, we ordered the calamari alla plancha.  typically, calamari is fried or lightly battered.  this one was completely different and arguably, more delicious.  it was marinated with citrus and chili and tossed with cucumbers and mushrooms.  i honestly could eat this every single day.  jess loved it just as much.




now for the entree portion, i was pretty set on burrata pizza, especially because it came with chilies on it and i love a kick.  at any italian restaurant, jess typically gravitates towards gnocchi.  we both agreed that we would sample a little of each other’s meal.





i am still dreaming about that burrata pizza.  the flavor profile was out of control and it was so fresh and creamy.  the gnocchi was simple yet perfectly cooked.  sometimes, i find myself avoiding gnocchi because it can be a little dense.  that was not the case at bestia – i would gladly order a bowl just for myself during my next visit.  the portions are perfect and with the plates being so rich, if the portions were any bigger, it would be too much to handle.  especially if you are like jess and i and want to save room for dessert.


if you know me, you know chocolate is far from my favorite sweet.  however, there was this chocolate budino tart that had salted caramel, olive oil and sea salt and we just had to get it.  our waitress highly recommended two desserts and this was one of them.




for someone like me that appreciates my chocolate being balanced out by a little salt, this was absolutely delightful.


if you are looking for an amazing italian restaurant in la, i could not recommend bestia enough.  for the full menu, click here.  there is something extra special about restaurants that are not part of a chain – it is like there is a little extra love sprinkled into each dish served.


have you been to bestia already?  if so, what is your favorite dish?  if not, head over to open table to book your reservation asap.  you will thank me later.



k. tap

thought of the week: memories are a dangerous thing to be in love with

over the last month, i have had more conversations than i could count with friends and family about what a healthy and happy relationship looks like.  while i do not think there is only one version of a healthy and happy relationship, there are some basic prerequisites in mind that are truly nonnegotiable.  respect. both bringing something of substance to the table. independence. trust. loyalty. honesty. being secure as an individual.  i am sure there are more that i could add but these are the ones at the forefront of my mind.


with every single conversation, there was this theme.  all of the relationships had happy memories.  and with that came some confusion – some happy memories is not synonymous with a healthy and happy relationship.  when i came across this quote from billy chapata, it perfectly captured my thoughts and feelings on the matter.




“memories are a dangerous thing to be in love with.  i hope you learn to discern the difference between the love you have for someone, and the love you have for the moments you spent together.” -billy chapata


i have seen friends and family do this and i have definitely been guilty of it – staying in relationships longer than we should have because of the memories we are in love with.  great memories are not strong enough to be the glue or backbone of any relationship whether it be with a significant other, a family member or a friend.


are you able to differentiate between the love you have for someone versus the love you have for the moments you’ve spent together?



k. tap

roots & rye açaí bar

since moving back to la in summer of 2017, i often feel like i tourist even though i lived here the first 17 years of my life.  there are so many new spots that popped up while i was living in the bay.  when one of my close friends from high school recommended a local spot for us to meet for breakfast, i had not heard of it.  once i arrived, i realized that it is literally a few steps away from the barre studio i go to.  let me introduce you to roots & rye.




roots & rye is tucked away in a little alley in old town pasadena off of colorado boulevard and is the absolute cutest.  if you are person that enjoys a fresh and filling breakfast or are in need of a pick me up post workout, this is the perfect place for you.  they have açaí bowls, smoothies, milkshakes, ice cream and toast.  absolutely everything is dairy free.  one of the things we enjoyed most were the unlimited toppings/add ons.


my friend had a medium sized bowl and i had a smoothie and avocado toast.



everything we had was delicious.  her bowl was overflowing with goodness and flavor and was only $9.  my smoothie was blended perfectly and i could really taste the fresh berries – it is also a great way to get a serving of greens in without even having to taste it (i added kale to mine).  and lastly, the avocado toast was to die for.  you have the option of getting it with or without chili flakes.  because i love a kick, i asked them to mix in extra.  when they brought it out, i thought about asking for salt but figured i should take a bite first.  i am so glad i did because it did not need anything!  it was seasoned well and was zesty (due to whatever fresh squeezed citrus was added).  i enjoyed every bite.  and for $5?  you really cannot beat that.


if you are in the pasadena area, i highly recommend roots & rye.  there is also an echo park location.  it was the perfect breakfast on a hot summer day.



k. tap

thought of the week: blow your own damn mind

my thought of the week was inspired by the mom of one of my closest friends.  carolyn, or mama oz as i call her, is a talented artist and owns the cutest shop in tacoma, washington.  if you ever find yourself in the area, be sure you stop by creative forces gifts and sundries.  you can check out her work here.


what first caught my eye was the beautiful backdrop of this quote.  the hues reminded me of my grandmother which made me smile.  mama oz and grammy both have the same favorite color – purple.  when i read the quote, i knew i had to blog about it.




“once in a while, blow your own damn mind.”


i like this for a variety of reasons.  first, it is realistic.  it is not likely that you will blow your mind every single day or even have your mind blown by someone else that frequently.  all this is asking is that every once in awhile, you astonish yourself with your own awesomeness.


then, i started thinking of when the last time was that i blew my own mind.  if you follow me on instagram or twitter, then you know that my brother challenged me to a workout challenge.  now, a workout challenge is one thing but he challenged me to workout for 30 straight days.  then, once the 30 days are over, i can “drop down” to five days per week.  initially, i thought he was crazy.  even with the lifestyle changes i have made in the last year (tracking everything i consume, trying to hit the gym or a workout class at least three times a week, being more aware of alcohol consumption, etc.), i just didn’t see myself as a person that would or could work out for 30 straight days.  i honestly couldn’t see myself working out for seven straight days.  i have only done that one other time in my adult life and it was when i was on a crash diet where my weight went up and down like a yo-yo afterwards.  additionally, i am not one of those people who gets super pumped to go to the gym or work out.  i am always happy afterwards but that is not always enough motivation to get me there.  i am also always happy after watching pretty much any show that is aired on bravo.  if you are a fellow bravo fanatic, i am sure you understand how my couch often wins the battle.


with my brother being part of the reason why i started to drop weight over the last year paired with him being a collegiate athlete, i figured why not give it a try.  i am just over 1/3 of the way in and i have not just been impressed by my dedication but i have been impressed with the results i can see happening already.  if i am seeing this and i am on day 11, it makes me that much more excited to see what changes i will notice by day 30.  and now that i have worked out for a double digit number of days consecutively, committing to 5 days per week seems more than feasible.  special shout out to pooh bear for pushing me to be my best.  i am blowing my own damn mind.


lastly, i love this quote because it is a simple reminder to do something extraordinary.


when was the last time you blew your own mind?  how did you do it?



k. tap