thought of the week: there is almost no such thing as ready

i have said it before and i will say it again – i am a planner.  planning brings me an inordinate amount of joy.  there is nothing that compares to creating a plan, executing it and seeing everything come together.  but here is the trouble with trying to plan everything – sometimes, things do not go according to plan.  sometimes, there is a need to act even if there is a feeling of not being ready.  i had wanted to start a blog back in 2015 but as i said in one of my first posts, working multiple jobs and going to grad school full time was not going to give me the time i knew i needed to pour into it.  then, i moved back to la and started a new job + moved into a new apartment.  i still had this feeling of doing a blog in the back of my head and a google doc full of ideas.  for some reason, i still did not feel ready.  then in november of 2018, i stumbled across this quote…




“it’s a terrible thing, i think, in life to wait until you’re ready. i have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything.  there is almost no such thing as ready.  there is only now.  and you may as well do it now.  generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.” -hugh laurie (best known for his starring role on the show “house”)


what exactly was i waiting for? a magical feeling?  a sense of peace?  i was waiting to feel ready.  then it happened – i realized i may not ever feel fully ready.  but guess what?


i launched this blog anyway.


it has been almost two months and it was the best decision i could have made.  it has brought me a new sense of meaning and purpose.  it has enabled me to connect with people i have never met and strengthen connections with people i already know and love.  it has truly reminded me that there are many of us having parallel experiences – none of us are actually alone.  and then i felt all of the things i was waiting to feel before starting my blog – a magical feeling, a sense of peace and a readiness  – a readiness to conquer anything.


what thing have you been postponing while you have been waiting to feel ready?  i would love to hear about it.



k. tap

so i think i’ll go to boston…

hey :). it feels strange having gone this long without posting (almost a week) but i am back!  for those of you following me on the gram, i was in boston.  i couldn’t help but hum “boston” by augustana as we were landing.



*this photo was taken as we were descending and the pilot cheerily announced that they were having “good weather” because it was a “comfortable 20 degrees”… i am clearly from los angeles because there was nothing about that sounded good or comfortable but i lived to tell the tale.  it honestly made everything we saw that much more beautiful.  it was like we were in a winter wonderland.


for the bulk of last week, i was chaperoning a group of amazing young women at the school i work at while they participated in harvard model congress, which is the largest congressional simulation conference in the world.  talk about an awesome way to empower young women and show them that they can truly be the change they want to see in the world.  we stayed at the sheraton in boston where the conference was being held and i would highly recommend this hotel.  there is an awesome fitness center, an indoor pool and an incredibly friendly staff.  the bar in the lobby on the first floor is a good place to go for a stiff drink and housemate potato chips to snack on.  the hotel is connected to the prudential center which is home to tons of amazing places to eat and shop such as eataly (my favorite market on earth), saks fifth avenue, top of the hub, aritzia and the list goes on.  the prudential center has easy access to the train station without ever having to step outside and is attached to copley place, an upscale mall with stores like bottega veneta, chanel, dior, etc.  it is the perfect place to stay, especially during the colder months if you are trying to avoid the elements.


my co chaperone made sure we got there a day early so we could do some exploring.  our first stop is a must if you find yourself in boston.





the john f. kennedy presidential library and museum is gorgeous and just rich with history.  i could not agree more with one of the guides who said that hearing jfk speak really highlights how incompetent the current president is.  he also commented on how sad it is that some of the same issues that were plaguing our nation in the 60s have either resurfaced or not really been addressed in the way that they need to be.  definitely made me think…






as if i was not impressed enough by the amazing pieces on the civil rights movement, there were so many beautiful pieces from that era in women’s fashion worn by people campaigning for kennedy and worn by jackie o. herself…








lastly, there was an entire section dedicated to ernest hemingway who is one of my favorite authors.  his impact on the 20th century is unparalleled (in my opinion).





we trekked across town for lunch at quincy market.  part of why i love it is because there are so many options.  but since i was in boston, it seemed only right to eat a proper boston lunch courtesy of boston chowda company.



*this crab roll and cup of clam chowder were to die for


the next day, before the conference started, we took our girls on a harvard tour.  it was incredible to see the campus covered in snow and to hear our australian tour guide’s take on what it is to be a harvard senior studying political science.





while it was amazing to spend some time with these wonderful young women, i was looking forward to my friend kendall coming to visit from new york.  even though we met in the bay, she has since moved to new york and we figured if i was going to be as close as boston, it did not make sense to not see one another.




our first stop was douzo.  when i stumbled across it on opentable, the reviews were outstanding and it was less than two miles from our hotel.  once we walked in, we saw countless awards on the wall and i knew we were in for a treat.  the cuts of fish were outstanding and everything was fresh and buttery.  our waiting staff treated us like royalty.  and the price points were more than fair for both the quality and quantity.





after lunch, we were looking for a place to cozy up with a cocktail and found ourselves at brownstone boston, literally 200 feet from douzo.  the bartenders were friendly, knowledgeable and hefty pourers.  when we got there around 3pm, there were probably 10 other people in the bar.  then, it cleared out entirely.  by the time 5pm rolled around, it was packed to the brim.  i could tell by the way the bartenders were interacting with the guests that many of them were definitely regulars.  with the quality of their service, it doesn’t surprise me that so many people return.

next, kendall and i were going to meet up with some of her friends from high school.  little did we know, the bar that her friend selected, top of the hub, was inside of the prudential center aka connected to our hotel.  first off, how thoughtful of her friend to not take us battle the cold any longer.  secondly, how amazing that we did not even have to leave our hotel.  thirdly, how insane that once i let the host know we were guests at the sheraton, we were seated at this floor to ceiling window (without a reservation) that had stunning views of the city?!



*this bar/restaurant is 52 floors above ground and they make delicious cocktails – i would highly suggest the melon spritz (it has grey goose melon, watermelon liqueur and sparkling wine)


since i was in boston primarily for work, i did not do as much exploring as i typically would when traveling.  i know kendall said a place she would recommend for a good spicy margarita and a cool vibe is lolita cocina and tequila bar.  that is definitely on my list for next year.


do live in/have you been to boston?  what are your recommendations?  let me know below.



k. tap


thought of the week: your moves will be misunderstood by those not meant to join you on your journey.

february has always been a month full of contemplation for me as i mentioned on my birthday post.  about a week before my birthday, i came across this quote:




“your moves will be misunderstood by those not meant to join you on your journey.”


as i grow older, this quote rings more and more true.  i think it is a combination of me maturing, me knowing my self worth, me having a lower tolerance for bullshit and me wanting to walk the talk as a therapist.  i immediately thought of a few scenarios in my own life over the last couple of years.


i saw a shift in who i was as a person when my grandmother passed in spring of 2017.  however, i do not think her death was the only contributor to the shift.  i wrapped up my graduate degree in counseling psych around this time. i was also officially in my late 20s.  things that used to fly even six months prior no longer could.


scenario one:

i have a lot of friends.  and by a lot, i mean far more than what is normal or necessary.  but i love it – a lot of my friends feel more like family, especially after living away from home for 10 years .  with that comes some stickiness.  many of my friends have hooked up with one another and i am their common tie.  i cannot tell you how many times i have had to deliver the following spill to two friends who are hooking up or dating: “i just need you both to know that if for some reason, this does not work out for the two of you as planned, i will still love you both just the same. i have no intentions of picking sides so don’t ask me to.  the only exceptions i can think of is if someone were to be physically abusive or cheat on the other with my knowledge – i could then understand you asking me to choose.  does this work for both of you?”  everyone always agrees, but people do not always mean what they say.  one of my best girlfriends from high school started dating one of my best guy friends from college. it was not even a year before things went sour.  i only weighed in if i was explicitly asked because in my experience, if someone wants my opinion, they will ask me for it.  when things went up in flames, not only was i asked by her to choose, i was blamed for her not knowing that he was going to break up with her.  at 25, i would have carried that burden on my shoulders. i may have even apologized for her feelings being hurt even if i did nothing wrong.  sadly, i might have gone as far as ending my friendship with one of my best guy friends from college in an attempt to prove my loyalty.  at 27, i knew this was not the choice i should be making because it was not right and i would be full of regret.  her time spent being part of my life had to come to an end.  it was an incredibly difficult choice and one she did not understand.  she wanted me to apologize for something i did not do and cut off someone who i considered to be like family.  she wanted me to compromise what i believed in to appease her.  she did not understand me and i lost sleep over it.  i lost sleep over it until i realized that perhaps she was not meant to be on my journey with me.


scenario two:

i met this amazing girl during my sophomore year of college.  we clicked instantly and kept in touch long after our days at scu were over.  i spent a significant amount of time with her family, was there when things were shitty and there to celebrate each and every accomplishment.  when she met her current husband, i was one of the first people to get a play by play of their first encounter.  i watched their relationship blossom.  i was present through every rough patch – deciphering emails via google docs with her, her sister and another great friend of hers.  i was elated to see them overcome that rough patch and master new communication styles.  when i received a dm from her in early 2018 with a photo of a gorgeous ring, i almost cried.  it was not just because it was gorgeous but because it was well deserved.  i got a play by play of the entire scenario before it was posted to social media.  because i had a good amount of weddings coming up (and all of the events that go along with it), i told her to let me know when she selected a date and i would block it off.  i did not think this was presumptuous of me as i considered her to be a part of my inner circle and me a part of hers.  i had literally seen her through some of the darkest times of her life and could not wait to be there for one of the happiest.  a couple of weeks later, i was informed that i would not be invited because i no longer lived in the bay.  i think i initially thought she was kidding because of how ridiculous that sounded.  i was not going to be invited because i lived in the wrong zip code.  moving back to la got me cut from the invite list.  this was her way of “keeping numbers down”… so instead, there were people present who were not 1/10 as supportive of their relationship as i had been.  the icing on the cake was one of our mutual friends being invited…who…lived…in…la.  i felt so used.  it was okay for me to be your friend for a decade and be there through anything that required emotional support.  and now, when it was time to celebrate overcoming all of that, i was pushed to the side.  i realized i could not simply be someone’s emotional support + their personal cheerleader if the relationship was not going to be reciprocal. i cut her off.  there were no follow up conversations.  what is there to discuss? if i had a conversation and was invited, i would always wonder if she actually wanted me there or if she just felt guilted into it.  on the flip side, if i had a conversation and was not invited, that would just cause more hurt.  i was no longer looking for her to understand the moves i was making.  we were no longer journeying together.


scenario three:

a couple of weeks ago for my birthday, i had a dinner with my family.  while most of the attendees were in good spirits, one in particular was rude upon arrival and it did not lighten up.  i watched as they individually greeted every single person at the table except for me.  i did not get a hug like everyone else, i did not even get a hello.  when i tried to engage them in conversation, i got nothing outside of one word answers even when i was not asking yes or no questions.  i watched as they sat with their arms folded, reading news articles during a 10 person dinner to celebrate one day that was supposed to be about me.  it was such an icky feeling.  not just feeling dismissed but feeling my energy shift when there were eight other people present who were so happy to be celebrating me.  i thought maybe i was being too sensitive.  that was until multiple people after the dinner inquired about the interactions between me and the attendee that clearly did not want to be present.  so i decided to sleep on it before making my next move.  the next day, i sent a text message.  it felt so risky.  not because i was swearing or being mean in the text, but because i know how poorly this person responds to any type or criticism or confrontation.  i sent it anyway.  it said, “after sleeping on it, i have decided to have someone else take me to the airport on tuesday night.  i found last night to be incredibly frustrating and disrespectful.  it was beyond apparent that you were not interested in being at my birthday dinner which is literally one day per year.  i deserve better and there is not a doubt in my mind about that.  your behavior was both unnecessary and more importantly, hurtful.  in the future, if you are in a mood, i would prefer for you to just stay home rather than bring down the energy at a day that is important to me.  we can catch up once i am back from boston as i will be celebrating my birthday for the remainder of the holiday weekend with people who are interested in truly being present. -kristin”  there was no response.  if it was not for another family member telling me how upset the recipient was about the message, i would not have even been sure if it went through.  a few years ago, i would have said nothing to keep the peace amongst the family.  but what good does it do to try and provide peace to others if i myself am not at peace?  that family member still has not uttered a word to me and it has been a full week.  just because someone is family does not give them a license to be disrespectful towards you, if anything, family should treat you with more respect to offset the bullshit you deal with from the outside world day to day.  my text message was not received well but i do not receive disrespect well.  with that being said, perhaps that family member is also someone who is not meant to be on my journey, or at the very least, not in the same capacity as they once were.


what moves have you made that were misunderstood by someone you loved? are they still on the journey with you? did you shift them into a different category?  i would love to hear about it below.



k. tap




malibu wine safari

as part of my birthday celebration this year, i went to malibu wine safari with some of my favorite women (who are southern california based), including my mama bear.




photo cred: flint from malibu wine safari (group shot), random awesome lady from our tour group (shot of mama bear and me) who saw us hugging and said she needed our camera – seriously the sweetest!


even though i had gone to malibu wine safari last spring, there are many different tour options.  last spring, i did the mimosa tour which included four different types of mimosas (and they were generous with the pours), a charcuterie spread and a chance to feed some of the animals.  this time around, i was determined to not only meet and feed some of the animals…




but to meet (and feed) stanley the giraffe.



photo cred: gracelyn bateman


the giraffe tour is roughly 90 minutes and includes three red and three white wine tastings along with crackers and various spreads.  our tour guide (flint) was absolutely hysterical.  both he and our driver (nick) were incredibly knowledgeable, easy going and totally accommodating.  they even offered to take some photos of us.  the views were absolutely stunning.





an extra special shout out to my friend gracelyn who not only came to malibu solo in a bomb ass outfit (including peep toe booties she will probably never be able to wear again) for capturing so many amazing photos of me and so many of my favorite women.  it was a great reminder of how truly wonderful it is to have so many women who bring different things to the table and show me how to be a better me.  love you, g!




it was purely coincidental that it was national wine day.



photo cred: gracelyn bateman

when you go to malibu wine safari, please let me know about your experience!



k. tap


p.s. i would highly suggest booking at least six weeks  out to get your preferred tour, time and to guarantee your group can be seated together (even without a private truck).



the brush crush

every single time i think that drybar cannot come up with anything else for me to be obsessed with, they prove me wrong.  from their bomb blowouts to unparalleled dry shampoo, they continue to kill the game.  now, as i discussed in my previous post about drybar, when my hair is not in braids, it is relaxed.  some days, it is cooperative and other days, it needs some extra help.  i find myself spending more time than i’d like straightening my hair.  typically, i have a brush in one hand and a straightener in the other.  it is totally exhausting and hurts my little t-rex arms (my arms are super short for my body so my brother calls me “t-rex”).  then, i found my new life saver…


the brush crush!




at first, it almost seemed too good to be true.  one tool that combined everything i needed.  one tool that could be placed on any surface because of the way it is made.  one tool that went up to 450 degrees, thus being able to straighten thicker hair like mine or someone with more fine/sensitive locks if set to a lower temperature.  how fast could this product actually work?  it was time to put it to the test.




this was it warming up to 450 (which it did in less than five minutes).




then, above was my face when i realized how pressed for time i was with my hair in a trash ass state and no makeup on.  if this brush didn’t work, i might be trying to wear a baseball cap to dinner and to a club in west hollywood to celebrate with angela, my newfound birthday twin.  i said a little prayer.  


within five minutes, my hair was sleek and chic.  20 minutes after that, my makeup was finished and i was ready to roll.




my usual brushing with one hand while trying to straighten with the other takes me about 20 minutes for my entire head on a good day.  to shave 75% of that time off? unreal and truly a blessing.


while this product can be found at any drybar location or on their website, mine was purchased at nordstrom by my magnificent mom as one of my birthday gifts.  after using this product the last four days straight and seeing little to no shedding, i am wondering how i ever lived without it.  when you get yours, let me know how you like it!



k. tap