thought of the week: what is gaslighting?

this blog post is long overdue. on my instagram live in december, there was a question about gaslighting and many of you messaged me about doing a full length post on it. between the end of the year not wrapping up as i anticipated + the start of the new year being brutal both at work and in the world, i didn’t have the energy to tackle this topic. it’s an important one that deserves my full attention.

first things first – what is gaslighting? gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get a person(s) to question their own reality, memory or perception.

during grad school, i found myself frequenting the psychology today website. during my final year in my mft program, there was this great article on 11 warning signs of gaslighting. it is a quick and easy way to analyze whether or not the relationships you are in are truly healthy. let’s get to these 11 warning signs:

1. they tell blatant lies

2. they deny they ever said something, even though you have proof

3. they use what is near and dear to you as ammunition

4. they wear you down over time

5. their actions do not match their words

6. they throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you

7. they know confusion weakens people

8. they project

9. they try and align people against you

10. they tell you or others that you are crazy

11. they tell you everyone else is a liar

any of these individually are less than ideal but it would make more sense that a person could miss that this was happening in the first place if they appeared as isolated events. it would also make sense for a person who grew up being gaslit by their family may not recognize how controlling and manipulative said behavior is when building relationships with friends and partners as an adult.

as we kick off a new year, i encourage you to take a step back and look closely at the most significant relationships in your life. are each of them free of this kind of behavior? if not, why is this behavior being tolerated by you?

if struggling to end a relationship where you are being gaslit, just remember to treat/talk to yourself like someone you love.

xoxo,

k. tap

matilda’s bloombox

fridays are for florals and we all could certainly use a little something to brighten our days. 2020 was quite gloomy and the start to 2021 has been a whirlwind. that being said, there have been some bright spots. one of them has been my friend amy’s pregnancy. during the pandemic, i noticed she got really into flower arrangement. with her being pregnant, i wanted to send her something to celebrate while also allowing her to be creative without having to leave home.

say hello to matilda’s bloombox!

matilda’s bloombox is a phenomenal small business that ships farm fresh flowers from local growers to your doorstep. you get to arrange them and they offer tips and videos to help you along (if needed). while i bought a bloombox as a gift, there is also a subscription option.

if you are looking for a way to flex your creative muscles and add some beauty to your home, this is the perfect way to do so.

xoxo,

k. tap

guess who turned two today?

admittedly, i have been off the map post christmas. normally, i would apologize. 30 year old me will not. i took some much needed time away from my macbook since i had a couple of weeks off from work which meant being able to avoid the double digit number of google meets/zooms and prolonged blue light exposure that typically fill my weeks. at the beginning of this week, i made a list of topics i wanted to cover within the next two weeks. then it occurred to me that something special was happening on the 7th…

it seems like just yesterday that i sent out a group text to my girls about voting on names for this blog. keep up with k. tap had a nice to ring to it (and coincidentally received the most votes).

like many people, i thought 2020 would pan out differently than it did. i kicked off the year with some amazing moments, including turning 30 and having the most epic birthday celebration in vegas. exactly one month later, the world as we once knew it shut down. being the planner i am, i mapped out all of the topics i wanted to post about month by month. little did i know that i would end up being so burned out on all things screen oriented. even still, there were definitely some memorable posts this year. i took what many of you said into consideration and showed my face more on the blog. those were some of the top posts for 2020.

there was some variety in what spoke to you all but the top three were ones i loved as well. the most liked (and commented on) post was about normalizing apologizing to children. while there were some photos from vegas that i adored that made the top nine, the most liked photo of me was one that was completely carefree from some much needed time away in indio this summer. plus, who doesn’t love a yellow bikini? and the final of the three might be my favorite quote from the last year. it is simple yet significant – choose people that choose you.

more than anything, i appreciated having my blog in 2020 as a way to connect with people i know and love plus people i have had the pleasure of meeting online. this was a year where it was important to know that even if we were physically alone, there are still people here for you. many of my posts felt incredibly raw and vulnerable. some stirred up controversy. i got wild direct messages and even lost followers but i wouldn’t change a thing. i can see my growth and that makes me so excited for 2021.

what would you like to see more of on keep up with k.tap this year?

thank you so much for your continued support. it means the world to me. two down, forever to go.

xoxo,

k. tap

saturdays are for soaking (with fur)

closer to the start of lockdown, my friend elisa sent me a little gift to enhance my baths.

if you know me, you know i can soak for hours. the fact that there was a product that i hadn’t heard of related to bath time seemed nearly impossible. leave it to elisa to do the impossible. fur is this incredibly soothing bath oil that has left my legs feeling smoother than i knew possible while making shaving seem equal parts easy and enjoyable.

i just dropped three of these in while my bath water was running and they had dissolved completely by the time i was hopping into the tub. bath time will never be the same. you can find these bath drops and more skincare essentials from fur at nordstrom.

have you tried fur? if so, what is your favorite product?

xoxo,

k. tap

prosec-ho-ho-ho

i will be the first to tell you that christmas is far from my favorite holiday. even still, i do love good loungewear, especially a comfy nightgown/oversized sleep shirt. when i saw this one from asos, i couldn’t resist purchasing it.

my love for all things sparkling (both bubbles and glitter) pretty much meant that this super soft sleep shirt from asos was made for me.

i likely won’t send christmas cards through the mail until i have kids so consider this your unofficial one from misu and me. merry christmas or ho ho ho! 🧑🏾‍🎄

xoxo,

k. tap