thought of the week: you make my life shine undeniably brighter

today, my godsister turned 31. for those of you who are new here, my godsister is quite literally my oldest friend. we are five months and 11 days apart. my mom cut her umbilical cord. i have no working memories that do not include her.

i saw a quote today from yung pueblo that captured my love and gratitude for her perfectly.

my thought of the week is one that i have had for as long as i can remember. @yung_pueblo hit the nail on the head when talking about friendship.

“some friends deserve a whole chapter in the story of your life. things wouldn’t be as good if they had not been around to support you through unbearable storms and to tell you those few hard truths that helped your evolution. their essential light made your life shine undeniably brighter.”

you’ve been there through every storm and my life is brighter because of you. happy birthday, godsister.

thought of the week: built to blossom

i have been evolving at a pace more rapid than what i am used to. because i am such a planner (and a bit of a control freak), i often try to map out changes that are set to occur. it helps me feel more ready; more grounded. i have had to relinquish some of that control while also leaning on some key players. remembering that i have this stellar support system is something that has helped make this process of changing easier. while a lot of the people closest to me are happy to see me evolving, there are some that don’t seem to be excited or even accepting.

i saw this drawing on the instagram page of viola davis and couldn’t help but smile.

just because people are used to me being a particular way does not mean that i am meant to stay that way forever. ideally, we are all evolving and blossoming.

but guess what? even if someone i love is stagnant, i value myself enough to blossom anyway.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: i am still whole

has anyone else felt scattered this month? as we wrap up june and i pack up the last four years of my life at one job while in selecting office furniture for the next step in my career, i have felt all over the place. even still, i know that the decisions i’ve been making are the right ones for me.

there was a time in my life where if every single thing was not operating smoothly, i would categorize myself as a failure. my nonstop pursuit of perfection was all consuming and quite frankly, dangerous. being able to admit that and relinquish control was a game changer.

it is okay to relinquish control. it is okay to feel scattered. it is okay to be flawed.

this quote from gigi groener, who i am lucky enough to call a friend, was a much needed reminder of just that.

“i am still whole even when my pieces feel scattered.”

leave it to gigi to remind me that i am just as valuable even when i feel a bit scattered. you are, too.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: put some of it down

happy friday, my loves! it has been a few weeks since i have blogged. typically, i might apologize for that but i certainly will not be today. there have been so many transitions happening. from watching my first set of freshmen graduate over memorial day weekend to having a sick grandfather (and the family drama that goes along with that) to transitioning to a new job, all while trying to pay attention to my health and wellness, i have been overwhelmed. i was scrambling to get everything in order before leaving to mexico for the week. the thing i was most adamant about was being sure all of my client notes and files were completely finished. then on monday, i had this moment of clarity.

why am i putting pressure on myself to get something done that will be waiting on me when i return? a couple of months ago, when i went to puerto rico, i spent a full day working remotely. and while it felt good to put a dent in my work, as soon as i got back to the grind, i fell back behind. and you know what i ended up being regretful about? it wasn’t about falling behind – it was about not enjoying that day in puerto rico with my friends. i had earned that time off. why not enjoy it fully?

with me working in mental health within the school system, i get a chunk of summer off. why not use a few days post vacation to catch up? who is going to punish me for being behind on notes that are due to no one except for me? why am i holding myself to these insane standards as if i haven’t served a community desperately in need amidst a pandemic?

something had to fucking give.

after plowing through administrative meetings on monday and doing personal training both monday and tuesday, i hopped on my flight wednesday morning to head to mexico. but something happened to me on tuesday once i finally made peace with my decision and it was incredible. this quote was a reminder of just that.

“what you’ve been trying to carry is too heavy for you. put some of it down. take a break. relax your shoulders. unclench your jaws and fists. take a few deep breaths. you’re going to be okay.” -faith broussard cade

tuesday, i was wiped out. i felt too tired to drive to personal training but didn’t want to miss my session. we were wrapping up our third month together and i am feeling/seeing the shifts in my body and spirit. i went out on a limb to text my trainer to see if we could start later so i could squeeze in a 60 minute nap. she happily agreed. later on, i felt proud driving home from my session and that evening, couldn’t place what was happening. after a trip to the restroom, i realized my period was starting. i had a few thoughts. the first was that this explains why i was even more wiped out than i could put into words. the second was that this was inconvenient timing since i was leaving for mexico just a few hours later. but the last and most important one was that this is the first period i have had that has been completely natural (without intervention from my ob) and normal (flow and pain wise) in years.

the second i put down what i was carrying and after a few months of treating my body better, in return, my body is treating me beautifully. so on this friday, i invite you to:

“put some of it down.

take a break.

relax your shoulders.

unclench your jaws and fists.

take a few deep breaths.”

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: making people uncomfortable

we might be in a different month but i am still obsessing over “more than enough” by elaine welteroth. i find myself referencing gems from her book over and over again in session with clients.

most recently, i was working with a young woman who apologizes quite frequently. she apologizes when she is voicing her opinion. she apologizes when she disagrees with someone else. she apologizes for simply being who she is. we have been doing a great deal of work to explore where that comes from. what exactly is she sorry for? who does she find herself most frequently apologizing to? the answer was simple: she is sorry if anyone is perceived as being uncomfortable or inconvenienced and she most frequently apologizes to her father (and any other authority figure). i had to read her this line…

“women aren’t taught to get comfortable with making people uncomfortable.” -elaine welteroth

in hearing it, she was stunned. there was this realization that her father would not even consider apologizing when necessary, much less because someone else was slightly uncomfortable. why had she been conditioned to do so? she put getting more comfortable with making people uncomfortable on her summer to do list. as she preps to leave for college, i couldn’t think of anything better.

xoxo,

k. tap