hey lovelies!  this week, i will be blogging from the east coast while chaperoning a college tour with my girls.  if the times i post seem a little wackier than usual, that is why.  currently, we are in boston but there are a few other cities we will get to explore as well.  if there is a place we visit that has something i think you have to see/try, i will definitely do a post about it.  anyway, back to boston – i was in here in february chaperoning another trip and you can read about all of my favorite places i explored here.

 

many moons ago, marilena (my roommate from freshman year turned soulmate) showed me a quote from faith broussard cade that gave me chills.  it was not until much later that i found her on instagram and realized part of why she resonates with me is because she is also a black woman who works in mental health.  she has this ability to say things in a couple of sentences that just leave you in deep thought for hours or even days thereafter.  i stumbled across this quote last week and it helped me deal with a message sent to me over the weekend.

 

 

“start accepting compliments without minimizing yourself.  you’ve spent years proving your greatness to others; it’s time you start believing your own hype.” -faith broussard cade aka fleurdelisspeaks

 

let’s unpack this piece by piece, especially with how it applies to me.  so if you have been following along for awhile, you know i am obsessed with the five love languages.  i am definitely hardcore when it comes to quality time and acts of service.  unfortunately,  words of affirmation is not only something i have to work at giving, it is also something i have to work at receiving.  i sometimes get physically uncomfortable when hearing someone sing my praises and have really had to work at just simply accepting the compliment without trying to justify it and even more so, without minimizing myself in the process.  when i received the following text from a friend this weekend, before responding, i stopped and thought about what i would typically do versus what i have been working towards doing.  the above quote helped me do what i have been working towards and i was so fucking proud of me.

 

the text i received: you know, i was talking with my professor today (the one that convinced me to stay enrolled for the semester) and you came up again.  discussing the prozac thing again and i mentioned what you had suggested and her response was “i think you have a very talented and intelligent friend and i think her advice was spot on.” i agreed with her and reaffirmed how wonderfully talented you are.   but it made me think of something: i really hope you’ll teach someday.  you talk about how dr. astin kept you going while you were struggling and i know you could have the same impact on future clinicians someday.  you already have for me, so i hope you’ll consider doing the same for others.

 

how i would typically respond: i am glad that was helpful but you don’t have to say that.  it really isn’t a big deal.  blah blah blah.

 

how i actually responded: this was so sweet.  it almost made me cry.  and is definitely something on my bucket list (teaching a class or two).  i don’t tell you this often enough but i really do love you.  i am traveling to the east coast for work this week but let me know if we need (or want) to schedule a call for this week.

 

i am so proud of me for a few reasons.  yes, i have been working my ass off both in and outside of the classroom to get these degrees, to work with clients from all walks of life, to do research and to do work on myself to become the best possible clinician.  but you know what also made me proud?  simply being able to accept the praise and know that every ounce was deserved.

 

30 is around the corner and i could not be happier to be in a space where i am believing my own hype.

 

do you recognize how great you are?  and do you do it unapologetically?

 

xoxo,

k. tap

a couple of years ago, a coworker of mine introduced me to enneagrams.  she was ranting and raving about it and said that it was the most accurate personality assessment she had ever taken.  she gave me an abundance of literature on each of the nine enneagram types.  to be honest, the literature was incredibly dense and there was no assessment attached for me to truly feel connected to one type or another.

 

fast forward to this past weekend – one of my dear friends (sarah aka lil’ spoon) was in town from the bay area.  she asked me what i knew about it and i told her the aforementioned.  she did a quick breakdown of the nine enneagram types and gave me a link to a quick an easy assessment.  in hearing some of the titles of the types, i thought some sounded more like me than others but was excited to take an assessment and get some additional clarification.

 

the enneagram is all about self-discovery and growth based on the nine types listed below.  it is supposed to highlight why you behave, feel or think in certain ways.  by knowing this information, the thought is that meaningful relationships can be built and continue to flourish with yourself, those around you and your spirituality.

 

9 enneagram type summaries:

1. moral (perfectionist)
2. supportive (advisor)
3. successful (achiever)
4. romantic (individualist)
5. investigative (thinker)
6. loyal (guardian)
7. entertaining (optimist)
8. protective (challenger)
9. peaceful (mediator)

 

 

before taking the assessment (which you can take for free here), lil’ spoon said she thought i was a 2, 5 or an 8.  the assessment took me less than 15 minutes, and my results were…

 

 

type 5 – the investigative thinker! lil’ spoon definitely knew what she was talking about.  she is pretty perceptive, especially as someone who has an advanced degree in social work.  while my entire summary is pictured below, i am going to highlight a few key points.  before i dive in, i will say that i felt it was pretty accurate, even the things about myself that don’t thrill me were not off base.

 

some of the things i liked that fit were being wise, compassionate, knowledgeable, independent and perceptive.  some of the things i did not like that also fit were being detached, uncompromising and high strung.  while i think i am making a conscious effort to work on some of the more negative traits, there was not much i read that did not ring true.  whether it was talking about my fears, my desires, what motivates me or what i do not want, i truly am a type 5.  read more about that breakdown below.

 

 

something to note is that you can have a primary type and then additional types that make up who you are.  i also have traces of 7 and 8 but definitely am more of a 5.

 

have you taken the enneagram assessment?  if so, what is your type?  did you feel it was accurate?

 

enjoy your weekend, lovelies.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

 

 

 

 

 

i have seen an abundance of posts in the last few weeks that touch on us entering the last 100 days of not just the year, but the decade.   many of them ask about how you’d like to spend those last days or weeks?  what kind of imprint would you like to leave?

 

i started to think about the last decade.  next, i narrowed it down to the last few years.  then, i thought about just the last year.  to say i have evolved would be an understatement.  in thinking about the shifts i have made to get to where i am, i thought both about how i had to get comfortable with the discomfort around change, and how choice played a substantial role.

 

 

“whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.  read that again.”

 

instagram really delivers some great content from time to time.

 

what haven’t i changed that i am choosing?

 

i choose to not sleep as much as my body really needs and deserves.

i choose to tackle more on my own that what is necessary.

i choose to be a bit too critical of myself.

 

here’s the flip side of this quote:

 

i chose to challenge myself to a year of saying “no” followed by a year of removing the guilt around saying that word.

i chose to get my masters in a helping profession.

i chose to move back to los angeles to continue both to foster important relationships and build a life i could afford (sorry, bay area).

i chose to start this blog.

i chose to get some of this excess weight off (i will always be a big girl but i want to be a big, healthy girl).

i chose to end relationships that were never or no longer reciprocal.

i chose to prioritize my own mental health with the same dedication and intensity as i do when it is one of my clients.

i chose to choose me.

 

committing to change has been an even greater commitment to the betterment of myself.  while i am still a work in progress, i noticed that what i have not changed is much shorter than what i am currently choosing.

 

what are you changing?  what are you choosing?  the good, the bad and the ugly?

 

xoxo,

k. tap