thought of the week: be too busy

first off, let me apologize for the week long delay between posts.  i was slammed at work in a way that had me totally depleted by the time i got home – so depleted that i was falling asleep fully clothed with all the lights on in my house.  sometimes, it be like that.


anyway, as the year and decade comes to a close, i have seen people posting some interesting things online.  so many of them are contemplative – really going over what to leave behind in 2019 or the 10s and what to take into 2020/the new decade.  i think there was a point in time where i was measuring success in a way that was far from healthy – it was about what i was doing in relation to my peers.  but here’s the thing: i am not on the same journey as any of them.  some might look similar but no two are identical.  for that reason, i started making a point to simply compare me to me.


i often ask myself am i in a better place than i was at this time last year?  am i a better person than i was at this time six months ago?  have i learned new things about myself that allow me to live more fully than i was three months ago?  let me tell you this – my life quality has improved because i have constantly been improving.  sometimes, it is harder to see day to day but it is definitely something i can easily notice from season to season or year to year.


i had brunch with my friend jude this sunday.  she is one of my soul sisters and founded in her shoes, a community built around catalyzing courage.  she tends to keep in line by reminding me to make time for myself.  she also frequently drops these gems without even realizing it.  this morning, as dj khaled would say, there was another one.




“be too busy watering your own grass to check, wonder, or compare if yours is greener.  but really.”  -xx jude


if my 2020 is busy, this is what it will be busy with – pouring back into me.


when is the last time you simply watered your own grass without looking at or thinking about your neighbor’s for comparison/inspiration?



k. tap

thought of the week: may you never forget

it is something i have been guilty of but have been vehemently working on.  it is something that i hear my friends and family do often.  it is something i hear my clients do daily.


i hear people regularly dismiss the work that they have done to get to where they are now.  it is almost as if we have convinced ourselves that we are not worthy of praise if we have not accomplished the biggest goal on the checklist.  but here’s a thought?  what about the 20 smaller goals you had to accomplish in order to even be able to stand tall or strong enough to reach the biggest goal on the list?  have you given yourself credit for accomplishing any of those?


as we approach finals week at the school i work at, i was searching for the right quote for the whiteboard on my office (that i update weekly).  i logged into pinterest today and without doing any kind of exploring, this was literally the very first quote i saw.  sometimes, the internet gods really do pull through.




“may you never forget how far you have come and the miles it took just to get to this place.” –morgan harper nichols 


i really love this quote.  one of the reasons it is great is because it is not telling you to stop where you are or to settle, it is simply reminding you to bask in the goodness of where you are in this very moment.  you did not get to where you are overnight.  and while there still might be a ways to go to reach your final destination, you are not where you started and that alone is something to be celebrated.


i want you to take a minute and think of where you are in this very moment – think of every action you have done to put yourself in the place you are in now.  have you celebrated that?  if not, there is no time like the present.  i am cheering for you from afar.



k. tap

ava + viv

so as most of you know, i am not a huge fan of christmas. it should come as no surprise that one of my soulmates, marilena, is the same. so imagine my surprise when i came back from oklahoma post thanksgiving and had a christmas gift from her. not just any gift, but this ultra lush ava + viv sweater.


this sweater is literally buttery soft. so soft that i would contemplate wearing it to bed with my queen of sleep shirt. is there anything better? this sweater was originally sold at target for $29.99 but is now on sale for $20.99. it is worth every penny and you can get yours here.

ava & viv has stolen my heart.



thought of the week: apply for the job!

women’s month might be in march but as a woman of color working at a college prep high school full of young ladies, i find that i am more often than not thinking about topics that directly impact women.


many of our girls are applying to colleges, jobs and internships for the very first time.  and i have noticed this hesitation, even amongst some of the most confident girls in the senior class.  it is as if they shut down if they do not check off every single box that a college or job is saying they are looking for.  the fear of facing rejection (some for the first time ever) seems to trump all else.  as someone that used to work in college admissions, i encourage them to apply anyway, especially if they are applying to a private school that will look at applicants holistically.  then, i started to think about how this could evolve as these young ladies become grown women.


twitter never disappoints.




“apply for the job.  ‘but i’m not qualified for it.’ neither is the person who is going to get the job…” –sahil lavingia

“a cornell university study found that men overestimate their abilities and performance, while women underestimate both.  a hewlett packard report also suggests men apply for jobs when they meet 60% of the qualifications but women apply if they meet 100%.  APPLY FOR THE JOBS LADIES.” – toni tone


like, woah.


in sharing this information with some of my seniors, they were blown away.  in sharing this information with some of my female friends ranging from ages 28 to 35, they were floored.  then, there was this question: how many opportunities had we as women missed out on because we were selling ourselves short?


so ladies, don’t just apply for the job – do whatever it is you have been hesitating on doing because chances are, you are more ready than you think you are and more qualified than you realize.



k. tap

the little book of gratitude

in the field of psychology, the concept of gratitude has really risen to the surface.  one of the things i love most about ryan is that he was on this train long before it was trendy and practices it daily in his own life.  so a few weeks ago, when i had a book waiting for me in my inbox, i thought maybe i had been doing some tipsy online shopping.  to my surprise, ryan had gifted me a book: the little book of gratitude – create a life of happiness and wellbeing by giving thanks by dr. robert a. emmons.



merriam webster defines gratitude as the state of being grateful: thankfulness.


sounds simple, doesn’t it?  then why is it that it seems to be a brand new concept to so many?


this book does an outstanding job of just simplifying gratitude and making it an incredibly digestible concept.


i loved this book for a variety of reasons.

  1. it was an incredibly easy read
  2. it had several passages that resonated with me
  3. there were a variety of exercises or activities that i have put into place in my own life already where i have seen a shift in my disposition
  4. my clients can greatly benefit from a book like this
  5. it really made me stop to consider whether or not i had been practicing gratitude in a constructive and consistent way


i wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes and takeaways from this book.


“you are never too old, too young, too rich, too poor, to live gratefully.  we can produce gratitude in any season of life.  this is part of its appeal.  as we create gratitude, a positive ripple effect is generated through every area of our lives, potentially satisfying some of our deepest yearnings – our desire for happiness, our pursuit of better relationships, and our ceaseless quest for inner peace, health, wholeness, and contentment.”


i like this idea because in working with my clients, i have seen with my own eyes that whether you are 8 or 80, you can learn something new, put it into practice and improve the quality of your life and the lives around you.  who wouldn’t want to do that?


some of my favorite activities have been:

  • count blessings, not sheep – every night for a week, spending 15 minutes writing about something you are grateful for.  writing instead of simply thinking about it leads to a different, more significant level of processing.
  • three good things – simply thinking about three things that went well for you yesterday and asking: why did they go well, how grateful did they make you feel and did you tell anyone about them.  this helps to celebrate even the little things.
  • write a gratitude letter – taking 30 minutes to write a one page letter to a person who you have not taken the time to thank properly for their impact in your life.  ideally, you deliver the letter in person and read it out loud to them.  this is both a lesson in gratitude and vulnerability.


there are several others i enjoyed but these three were my absolute favorite.


what ways do you practice gratitude?  if you are looking to improve or simply get started, you can purchase the little book of gratitude here.



k. tap