Month: October 2020

closer.

last night’s post was all about filling your cup. while we all might have our own approaches to doing so, one of the most significant pieces in my own journey has been being sure i am surrounding myself with the right people.

road tripping to las vegas with this beauty a couple of weeks ago was everything i needed and then some. and while i loved the poolside passion fruit margaritas, dance parties in our suite, 4am deliveries from room service and bubble baths in the sunken tub, the most meaningful part of the trip was the drive home.

psychology today published an article some years back with 36 questions to bring you closer together. this could be done with a friend, family member or partner. some of my favorites were:

1. what would constitute a perfect day for you?

2. if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

3. what do you value most in a friendship?

4. when did you last cry in front of another person? by yourself?

5. if you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? why haven’t you told them yet?

for the full list, look no further…

here they are, in order:

1. given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?

2. would you like to be famous? in what way?

3. before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? why?

4. what would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. when did you last sing to yourself? to someone else?

6. if you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. for what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. if you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? why haven’t you done it?

15. what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. what do you value most in a friendship?

17. what is your most treasured memory?

18. what is your most terrible memory?

19. if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? why?

20. what does friendship mean to you?

21. what roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. share a total of five items.

23. how close and warm is your family? do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. how do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. make three true “we” statements each. for instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”

26. complete this sentence “i wish i had someone with whom i could share…”

27. if you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. tell your partner what you like about them. Be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. when did you last cry in front of another person? by yourself?

31. tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. what, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. if you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? why haven’t you told them yet?

34. your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. after saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. what would it be? why?

35. of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? why?

36. share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

if you try these with a loved one, let me know how it goes. i am curious to know what your favorites are.

and to britt, even after all of these years of learning and growing, it was truly a pleasure getting to know you even better. cheers to 13 years of friendship, vulnerability and being unapologetically us. i love you.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: i am most effective when my cup is full

a few weeks ago, i did something i have never done in the double digit number of years i have been in the work force. i asked our executive admin how many vacation days i had in total; both what i carried over from last year and from this year. the number took me by surprise. while i definitely believe in being prepared for an emergency and saving some for rainy day, my gut reaction surprised me. i briskly walked back to my office, opened my planner and started creating extended weekends for myself. and this was not because i had travel plans or events to attend, it was simply because i could sense that it is both what i needed and what i deserved.

this quote from faith broussard cade says it all (and then some):

“i do not have to work myself to the point of a BREAKDOWN to prove that i am dedicated to my dreams. i am most effective when my cup is FULL.” #fleurdelisspeaks

i love working in mental health. it brings me an insane amount of joy. even still, in order for me to show up for my clients, i have to show up for me, too. i am more effective when i carve out that time for me.

when is the last time you took a day off just because?

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: 1/24

i have been having more conversations than i could ever count about how to avoid burnout at work while in a pandemic, especially for those working in mental health and/or education. i happen to be in both as a counselor at a high school. that being said, there is this duality – i am incredibly grateful to be employed doing something i love but am increasingly aware of my own exhaustion as there was no point in grad school where we covered being a therapist amidst a pandemic. there has been lots of learning and evolving along the way.

quite early in the school year, i flipped through the calendar for the first semester. i went to speak to our executive admin to see how many vacation days i had for the year because i knew i was carrying some over from last school year. i decided upon hearing the number that it didn’t make sense for me to just stack a bunch of days for the hell of it – i was going to take time off. some days would be spent alone, some would be spent on mini vacations with dear friends and some would be spent visiting my new nephew, enzo.

there was a point in time where i used to feel guilt about taking time off if not for a major event. i stumbled across this quote on twitter and it has not only impacted my day to day but my approach to taking days off from time to time:

“you owe yourself one hour a day of self-maintenance. it can include reading, writing, yoga, exercise, dancing, meditation, painting, or whatever, but you owe it to yourself. one hour, 1/24 of your day. that is less than 5%. it matters, it really does. make it count.”

as someone who only requires 5-7 hours of sleep, i have at least 17 hours that i am awake per day. even on the heaviest work days, i theoretically have 6+ hours that do not involve work. why would there be guilt about taking an hour to do something for me? why would there be guilt about taking an entire day here or there?

this past weekend, i took a much needed road trip to vegas with one of the loves of my life, brittany. she captured this photo of me and if it weren’t a tad unprofessional (due to the frozen passion fruit margarita that was to die for), i would attach it to my out of office reply for the day.

do you take one hour a day out for yourself? can you do it without guilt? if so, how are you spending that time?

what does your ideal day out of the office look like?

xoxo,

k. tap

hazy + rose

happy hump day!

so, you all know how much i love supporting small businesses, especially ones that are being run by wonderful women. if you are looking for comfortable, cozy and chic loungewear, look no further. hazy + rose has everything you need.

i typically don’t use words like always/never/everything because they aren’t usually applicable. hazy + rose is the exception. from colors to cuts to customization to true size inclusivity, there really is something for everyone. i know that even on the days i am working from home, i often want something a step above pajamas but that still feels comfortable to be in all day. hazy + rose hits the nail on the head. you can visit their instagram here.

when they launched a couple of weeks ago, i hopped online a bit too late in the day to order everything i wanted but knew i needed the take it easy tee. here in la, we are still having summer weather so i was holding off on the crewnecks. naturally, my friend biz (one of the three founders) hit me up to tell me she had ordered an olive crewneck especially for me but left it blank so i could customize it with whatever i wanted. first of all, i was flattered because this was totally unexpected. secondly, i could not think of what i wanted it to say. i ended up telling her to print whatever she thought described me best and that my only request was that everything be in lowercase letters. i was obsessed when this came in the mail!

who doesn’t love champagne for breakfast? it goes perfectly with my cream and gold mug.

back to hazy + rose – my take it easy tee is so soft and i love the color scheme.

how could you not be absolutely obsessed?

i also was impressed with how fast things were shipped, especially considering the pandemic. i was able to track my order the entire way. does anyone else obsess over shipping when buying things online or is it just me?

tomorrow, 10.15, there is going to be amazing new merchandise released. if you are looking to customize anything, just shoot the girls at hazy + rose a dm. they would love to hear from you and are constantly adding new items and sizes based on requests from their clients. what’s not to love?

once you order, let me know your favorite item!

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: goodbyes aren’t always a bad thing

for as long as i can remember, saying goodbye has been framed as both difficult and negative. sometimes, i could feel myself tensing up around upcoming goodbyes so much that i would consider avoiding them all together. goodbyes vary from parting ways with a person/a relationship as a whole, a job/career, an animal, an ideology/mindset, etc. what i didn’t (and still don’t) hear enough about is what happens after we say goodbye.

“goodbyes are often times introductions to ourselves.” -vienna pharaon

in saying goodbye to a toxic family member, i said hello to boundary setting and self respect. in saying goodbye to a job i grew to love unexpectedly, i discovered nonnegotiables for future jobs/my career as a whole. in saying goodbye to my favorite dog, i unearthed just how much i could love something or someone unconditionally. in saying goodbye to the need to please others all of the time, i have realized that i am not only more happy, but that the important people loved me even more for being authentically me.

who or what do you need to say goodbye to in order to get better aquatinted with yourself?

this post definitely made me think of one of my favorite jay z songs. the opening line is, “allow me to reintroduce myself…”

xoxo,

k. tap