Category: head + heart

35.

for years, i have selected a word as my personal theme. at 34, my word was calm. i think i nearly mastered it. for 35, i chose: surrender.

the art of surrender isn’t defeat, giving up or powerlessness. to surrender is choosing acceptance over resistance, appreciation over expectations and flexibility over foolishness.

as someone who has historically struggled with needing to be in control, i knew this wouldn’t be an easy feat. even still, i was also confident i could remain calm when things became turbulent. the universe has a funny way of testing us as my life more or less blew up at the start of february. luckily, i had a trip to the dominican republic with 20 of my favorite humans to planned. i highly recommend getting people together to celebrate your trips around the sun in big and small ways.

reuniting with the girls after check-in

when traveling with groups, i believe in a balance of planned fun and leisure time. i asked everyone to be at a cocktail party —> dinner one night and invited anyone interested on a boat for a sunday funday. any other time, i would send a broadcast via paperless post so people knew where to find me at the resort. it was honestly so easy and there is nothing i love more than having so many of my loved ones in one place. below are some photos of those in between moments.

for the cocktail party and dinner, i asked everyone to wear black and/or white (as most have that in their closet). this was the first time all of us had been in the same place and it was such a blast.

and for the sunday funday on the boat, to say a time was had would be a gross understatement. there are three things that are ALWAYS worth saying yes to: a day on the water in the sunshine, an open bar and the additional cost for a photographer.

while there were hiccups with our travel agent, the resort was top notch, the weather was beautiful, the people present to celebrate me were extraordinary and the love i felt is immeasurable. arriving to the dominican republic already having the mindset of surrendering made the trip exponentially more enjoyable. when i think of the rollercoaster that 35 has been so far, surrendering was the only way to not just make it, but enjoy it.

i am already brainstorming for 36.

xoxo,

k. tap

happy 5th birthday, enzo!

this weekend, i had the pleasure of flying to washington to celebrate my nephew’s 5th birthday. anj (aka twin) planned an amazing day for her sweet boy.

enzo was so surprised to see me along with many friends and family members at a private screening of one of his favorite movies. seeing him jump with excitement as each new cluster of people arrived made my heart swell.

no one could have prepared me for the way my heart has doubled in size since he was born. hearing him ask if auntie k flew “all the way from california just for his birthday” nearly brought me to tears. naturally, i told him that birthdays are a big deal and a long as i can, i will be there for each of his parties.

i figured i’d take trip down memory lane and pick a photo from each year with auntie’s baby.

fall 2020 – our first meeting
summer 2021 – arizona
spring 2022 – washington
winter 2023 – washington
summer 2024 – hawaii
fall 2025 – washington

i saw this quote today and it hit the nail on the head.

“being an aunt is loving a tiny human that isn’t yours with all your heart.”

happy birthday to one of the brightest, funniest and most charismatic five year olds on earth. auntie k loves you to the moon and back.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: sisterhood

hi lovelies! i hope that your summer is off to a wonderful start. it is hard to put into words how good it feels to be able to tap into this creative side of mine.

my favorite day of the summer is july 24th and it has been since i knew what a calendar was because it is my godsister’s birthday. for those of you that are new here, crystal and i have been friends since birth (my mom convinced a few of her friends to have babies at the same time as her so i could have playmates). my mom is her godmother and her mom is mine. it only seems right for my first thought of the week in months to be about sisterhood – without crystal, i wouldn’t know the meaning of it.

february 1991 – crystal and i at my first birthday

“sisterhood is holding space for one another to be our full selves — whatever that looks like. messy or not. it’s loving each other while we figure life out.” -ashley hobbs

my godsister has had this magical way of meeting me exactly where i am. when we were kids, it came in the form of supporting my bizarre interests and hobbies (like playing in a competitive handbell choir). in our teens, it was being a place of refuge when i was feeling misunderstood and when it was time for me to go to college, it was making the trek up north to move me in. in our 20s, it was walking alongside me through grief, scary medical procedures and returning back to an la i didn’t recognize without my grandmother in it. in our 30s, it has been supporting me as i support others and encouraging me to prioritize myself unapologetically.

june 2023 – me and my godsister at her mom’s 60th

it hasn’t just been the dark times she has seen me through – it is the three hour facetimes filled with laughter, the dinners that turn into six hours together but feel like six minutes, the girls trips, the family parties, the celebrating every single win together as if we both hit lotto – my godsister reminds me daily that i am rich in sisterhood. thank you for loving me fully, even when i am messy.

how rare and beautiful to be loved exactly as i am while also being inspired to be better and better because of how magical she is.

september 2023 – my godsister and me at my mom’s 60th

happy 35th to my first ride or die – i love you so much, godsister.

who in your life has taught you about sisterhood? have you told her how much you love and appreciate her lately?

xoxo,

k.tap

2024 recap

as we wrap up january, something i wanted to share was an exercise i did alongside my dear friend, melissa. at the start of last year, we decided we would write down at least one thing per week that brought us joy. to keep track, we would date each slip of paper before placing it in our respective vessels (i chose a mason jar and she chose a vase) and vowed to open them together the following january. last weekend, we did just that.

we alternated reading each joyous memory from 2024 out loud. some made us laugh until our sides hurt while others stung due to shifts in life circumstances – so fucking much can change in just a single year. there was something so deeply intimate and comforting about reading each memory aloud in the presence of a person who walked alongside me all of last year (and many years before that). i would certainly recommend doing this exercise with a best friend, partner, child, parent, sibling or anyone else important to you. it can definitely highlight the best moments, the things that need adjusting and the growth that is to come.

while writing out all 52 for this blog post would be overkill, i figured the top 13 would be perfect. for those of you that are new here, 13 is my favorite number. not only am i born on the 13th but so are my brother, oldest godson and one of my best friends.

buckle up for the top 13! also, warning: my penmanship is…unique? my dad compares it to graffiti 😂

justin’s first week with the tir (therapist in residence program)
heartfelt birthday brunch with theo, nen, tay, brianna, maria, jess, ale and reens with their favorite thing about me (leaning in to love)
celebrating nen’s 35th (especially with mak, jared, aunt geno and aunt lupe 🤍)
seeing no doubt in vip at coachella ❤️
dad’s text about being in remission (almost one year to the day of me finding out about his cancer diagnosis)
joe’s surprise 60th birthday
hawaii with twin and enzo + tattoo to honor grammy
birthday celebration for nick with mom, karen, anthony, tay, andrew and melissa 🤎
getting to go to belize with galina and witness drew & anastasia get married
friendsgiving potluck (hosted by me)
first weekend in la – breakfast with tracy, cocktails with leighia, dinner with sonny, coffee with drew and stassi, boozy brunch with ram ram and dinner with mishi
nye with frank and misu

while all 52 memories were special, these 13 stood out. all 13 were filled with people and places where i felt safe, loved and understood. i plan on being equally intentional in 2025.

i have already started this year’s mason jar and can’t wait to share my top 13 next year.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: standing in the rain

today is one of my favorite days of the year – it’s my wifey’s birthday!

reens + me

reens (maureen) and i met back in 2013 while working at acura. both of us were pursuing degrees – reens was in undergrad and i was in grad school. we joke around about how i really was not looking for any new friends however with her being just as beautiful inside as she is outside, it was impossible not to fall in love with her. we eventually left acura and stayed in touch throughout. it was an added bonus when we found ourselves working at honda together. it was almost eery to be able to work and communicate so seamlessly with someone – it is like we would read each other’s minds.

as if 25-30 hours a week together at work wasn’t enough, we found ourselves doing weekly wine nights, brunches on weekends we weren’t working and traveling together (including a vegas trip we planned for a dozen people where i was there for less than 12 hours before going back to work 🙃). reens helped plan my surprise going away party in 2017 before i moved back to la and even with me being away from the bay, we didn’t skip a beat. when she left the bay to move to chicago for grad school, we really just showed that long distance is doable if you’re down to do the work. never in a million years did i imagine we would both be back in the bay in our 30s but man – i am so happy we are together again. and yesterday, eight of us got together to celebrate our favorite girl.

birthday brunch for reens!

during brunch, i asked everyone to think about their favorite quality and/or memory of reens they would like to share to commemorate the first 32 years of her life and to usher in a wonderful 33rd year (this was initiated by one of my best friends, theo, at my 34th birthday and it was such an unexpected treat). as the seven of us went around sharing what we loved most about reens, there was definitely some overlap in what was vocalized from what a great host she is to how her smile lights up any space she enters to her unparalleled energy – just to name a few. one of the things that stood out the most to me was the way we each talked about how reens has shown up for each of us without hesitation, even when life was throwing curveballs in her direction. when i came across this quote today, it seemed like it was meant for reens (and for my first blog back in months!):

“its about who stands in the rain with you, when they also have a choice to be dry. remember that.”

be sure you choose people who value reciprocity and who are willing to stand in the rain with you.

happy birthday, wifey! i love you endlessly.

xoxo,

k. tap