this weekend, i had the pleasure of flying to washington to celebrate my nephew’s 5th birthday. anj (aka twin) planned an amazing day for her sweet boy.
enzo was so surprised to see me along with many friends and family members at a private screening of one of his favorite movies. seeing him jump with excitement as each new cluster of people arrived made my heart swell.
no one could have prepared me for the way my heart has doubled in size since he was born. hearing him ask if auntie k flew “all the way from california just for his birthday” nearly brought me to tears. naturally, i told him that birthdays are a big deal and a long as i can, i will be there for each of his parties.
i figured i’d take trip down memory lane and pick a photo from each year with auntie’s baby.
fall 2020 – our first meeting summer 2021 – arizona spring 2022 – washington winter 2023 – washington summer 2024 – hawaii fall 2025 – washington
i saw this quote today and it hit the nail on the head.
“being an aunt is loving a tiny human that isn’t yours with all your heart.”
happy birthday to one of the brightest, funniest and most charismatic five year olds on earth. auntie k loves you to the moon and back.
before november ends, it is imperative that i share my favorite part – well, at least my favorite part that took place in the u.s. friendsgiving 2024 was one for the books.
thanksigving has always been my favorite holiday – it really taps into my favorite love language more than any other holiday because it is all about quality time. with me being the one to host friendsgiving, it taps into my second love language – acts of service. last year, i spent thanksgiving in a hospital hotel with my dad as he went through a stem cell transplant to treat his cancer. to say i was grateful for a change of pace (and scenery) would be a gross understatement. let’s be honest – i am even more grateful for him being in a healthier space. last year, my christmas cocktails with kristin party was a hit and the girls were adamant that i did it again this year. little did they know, i only hosted that because i did not get a true thanksgiving. however, i figured: why not do both? invites to both friendsgiving and christmas cocktails with kristin went out in august.
because i knew i would be hosting in december as well, i did not want to be totally overwhelmed. i figured if i provided a little charcuterie board, ham, turkey, my baked mac & cheese and stocked the bar, each guest could bring a side dish or dessert they loved. it was the absolute best and now it looks like i will be hosting two holiday parties each year. there is something so special about having so many of your favorite people in one place.
did i have a mini meltdown when the honey baked ham company cancelled my order the day of just minutes before pickup when i had placed it a few days in advance? absofuckinglutely. did i pivot and place a new order for sliced pieces instead of having to carve into an entire animal? indeed. did that mean i had not changed or finished my makeup when my friends arrived? you betcha! am i relieved my friends are my chosen family who were down for me to spend the time doing my makeup at my dining room table so i could look remotely together for a few photos? GIRL, YES.
each person there had met at least one other person before friendsgiving however with me having multiple groups, it is always a roll of the dice when combining this many people. i must be the luckiest girl alive because the evening went seamlessly. whether it was politics, sports, upbringing, holiday plans, parenting, dating or anything else under the sun, the conversations flowed effortlessly and people did not need to agree in order for the conversations to be fruitful. nick had each person go around to say what they were grateful for and asked for people to choose one serious thing and one funny one – the answers are permanently seared into my head and my heart. i feel rich with the people in my orbit. i hope you felt the same way this thanksgiving.
as the end of another school year draws near, the number of students requesting sessions has increased. while typically, the two most discussed topics during this time are stress around final exams and worry paired with sadness around starting somewhere new without their closest friends, the topic that has come up again and again in the last couple of weeks has not been either of those.
there have been countless discussions around family dynamics and what is acceptable treatment from a family member. i often pose the question of what is acceptable treatment in general. it is often met with confusion – almost as if there is a separate rule book for family and one for everyone else. that can be a slippery slope and for many of my students, the end result has not been positive. especially for my seniors, we have been doing a ton of work around setting boundaries that feel good to them. i came across this quote recently and read it aloud this week in multiple sessions. for many, it brought them to tears.
“simply because someone is related to us by blood and may have even been the one to birth or raise us, does NOT give them a pass to be cruel and harmful to us.” -therapy for black girls
who have you given a pass to? what message are you sending by giving that pass? what is the long term impact on you and your spirit?
keep up with k.tap 