Tag: health is wealth

thought of the week: make space

with each year that i grow older, i become more aware of my goals and what must be done to accomplish them. in doing a thorough inventory of my life, i feel fortunate to have the bulk of the boxes checked off. while it wasn’t without hard work, the universe has definitely lined some things up for me as well. one thing that has been on my mind more as i navigate my 30s is having a family of my own before this decade is over. while i am not ready for a child tomorrow, i know i definitely want children at some point. while i ready in a lot of ways, one area of concern is would i physically be able to carry a child safely. 

i’ve always been a big girl and feel like i have tried a million different things to lose weight. while i have no desire to be skinny, i am also aware that the amount of weight i am carrying and where i carry the bulk of my weight (my midsection) is not healthy long term. in terms of things i have tried to lose weight, some haven’t worked at all, some worked up until a point and some worked well but just weren’t sustainable long term. in thinking about things i have not tried, i realized i might be in need of a full blown wellness coach, not just a personal trainer. of course, this means i would need to carve out space, time and money. i saw this quote at the start of the year and it just resonated with me.

“make space: in order to have new things come into our lives, we must be willing to do the hard work of making space for it.” -sara kuburic, ccc

i decided this week that in mid march, my physical health is something i will be making a substantial amount of space for. i am certainly worth the fucking investment.

what in your life do you need to make space for?

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: make space

with each year that i grow older, i become more aware of my goals and what must be done to accomplish them. in doing a thorough inventory of my life, i feel fortunate to have the bulk of the boxes checked off. while it wasn’t without hard work, the universe has definitely lined some things up for me as well. one thing that has been on my mind more as i navigate my 30s is having a family of my own before this decade is over. while i am not ready for a child tomorrow, i know i definitely want children at some point. while i ready in a lot of ways, one area of concern is would i physically be able to carry a child safely. 

i’ve always been a big girl and feel like i have tried a million different things to lose weight. while i have no desire to be skinny, i am also aware that the amount of weight i am carrying and where i carry the bulk of my weight (my midsection) is not healthy long term. in terms of things i have tried to lose weight, some haven’t worked at all, some worked up until a point and some worked well but just weren’t sustainable long term. in thinking about things i have not tried, i realized i might be in need of a full blown wellness coach, not just a personal trainer. of course, this means i would need to carve out space, time and money. i saw this quote at the start of the year and it just resonated with me.

“make space: in order to have new things come into our lives, we must be willing to do the hard work of making space for it.” -sara kuburic, ccc

i decided this week that in mid march, my physical health is something i will be making a substantial amount of space for. i am certainly worth the fucking investment.

what in your life do you need to make space for?

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: love withdrawals

i tend to be my most reflective self as my birthday draws near. with 31 being less than a week away, i’ve thought about what i want my theme or mantra for the year to be. each year, i choose a word. while i am fairly certain i have the word selected, i have been doing a lot of introspection. i have been paying close attention to how i treat myself during the good, the bad and the ugly moments. i had noticed a trend in those not so good moments – i wasn’t treating myself with kindness, grace or tenderness. i thought about where that stemmed from. this quote hit the nail on the head.



“there may have been a parent or adult in your life who withdrew love as a form of punishment. be aware of any way in which you withdraw love, presence, or connection from your own self. part of your healing is finding ways to do for yourself what another may not have been able to.” -vienna pharaon

listen. reading this gave me chills. then, i read it again. and again.

yes. i had multiple adults in my life growing up who loved me unconditionally. thank god for them. i also had a significant adult in my life who made it their job to withdraw love, affection and care as a form of punishment. i didn’t realize just how impactful that would be not just in my relationships with others, but in my relationship with myself. as an adult, i have definitely noticed instances where i called myself “holding myself accountable” when in reality, i was withdrawing love. even if i am holding myself accountable, the love i have for myself does not need to be lessened. i would even argue that when times are tough, i might need to rev up the love i typically show/give myself.

a huge part of my healing has been loving myself consistently. if you aren’t already on this train, hop on.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: love withdrawals

i tend to be my most reflective self as my birthday draws near. with 31 being less than a week away, i’ve thought about what i want my theme or mantra for the year to be. each year, i choose a word. while i am fairly certain i have the word selected, i have been doing a lot of introspection. i have been paying close attention to how i treat myself during the good, the bad and the ugly moments. i had noticed a trend in those not so good moments – i wasn’t treating myself with kindness, grace or tenderness. i thought about where that stemmed from. this quote hit the nail on the head.



“there may have been a parent or adult in your life who withdrew love as a form of punishment. be aware of any way in which you withdraw love, presence, or connection from your own self. part of your healing is finding ways to do for yourself what another may not have been able to.” -vienna pharaon

listen. reading this gave me chills. then, i read it again. and again.

yes. i had multiple adults in my life growing up who loved me unconditionally. thank god for them. i also had a significant adult in my life who made it their job to withdraw love, affection and care as a form of punishment. i didn’t realize just how impactful that would be not just in my relationships with others, but in my relationship with myself. as an adult, i have definitely noticed instances where i called myself “holding myself accountable” when in reality, i was withdrawing love. even if i am holding myself accountable, the love i have for myself does not need to be lessened. i would even argue that when times are tough, i might need to rev up the love i typically show/give myself.

a huge part of my healing has been loving myself consistently. if you aren’t already on this train, hop on.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: what is gaslighting?

this blog post is long overdue. on my instagram live in december, there was a question about gaslighting and many of you messaged me about doing a full length post on it. between the end of the year not wrapping up as i anticipated + the start of the new year being brutal both at work and in the world, i didn’t have the energy to tackle this topic. it’s an important one that deserves my full attention.

first things first – what is gaslighting? gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get a person(s) to question their own reality, memory or perception.

during grad school, i found myself frequenting the psychology today website. during my final year in my mft program, there was this great article on 11 warning signs of gaslighting. it is a quick and easy way to analyze whether or not the relationships you are in are truly healthy. let’s get to these 11 warning signs:

1. they tell blatant lies

2. they deny they ever said something, even though you have proof

3. they use what is near and dear to you as ammunition

4. they wear you down over time

5. their actions do not match their words

6. they throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you

7. they know confusion weakens people

8. they project

9. they try and align people against you

10. they tell you or others that you are crazy

11. they tell you everyone else is a liar

any of these individually are less than ideal but it would make more sense that a person could miss that this was happening in the first place if they appeared as isolated events. it would also make sense for a person who grew up being gaslit by their family may not recognize how controlling and manipulative said behavior is when building relationships with friends and partners as an adult.

as we kick off a new year, i encourage you to take a step back and look closely at the most significant relationships in your life. are each of them free of this kind of behavior? if not, why is this behavior being tolerated by you?

if struggling to end a relationship where you are being gaslit, just remember to treat/talk to yourself like someone you love.

xoxo,

k. tap