thought of the week: i am still whole

has anyone else felt scattered this month? as we wrap up june and i pack up the last four years of my life at one job while in selecting office furniture for the next step in my career, i have felt all over the place. even still, i know that the decisions i’ve been making are the right ones for me.

there was a time in my life where if every single thing was not operating smoothly, i would categorize myself as a failure. my nonstop pursuit of perfection was all consuming and quite frankly, dangerous. being able to admit that and relinquish control was a game changer.

it is okay to relinquish control. it is okay to feel scattered. it is okay to be flawed.

this quote from gigi groener, who i am lucky enough to call a friend, was a much needed reminder of just that.

“i am still whole even when my pieces feel scattered.”

leave it to gigi to remind me that i am just as valuable even when i feel a bit scattered. you are, too.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: the beauty in being you

since turning 31, i have been feeling this greater sense of confidence. i am feeling the most comfortable i’ve ever felt in my own skin. there is this unapologetic vibe that has taken over and it is so freeing. i have been showing up in spaces as my truest self and the doors that are opening are unreal. it is beautiful to witness.

this quote sums it up perfectly…

“i can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.” -emma stone

fearlessness is beautiful.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: give yourself grace

tonight’s post is short and sweet.

i had been beating myself up for being tired all week. after a much needed facetime call with my friend michelle this morning, i realized how intense the last few weeks have been. this week specifically was totally draining at work, i started training with my wellness coach (that deserves its own post – my mom compared my walk to tinman from wizard of oz), there were back to back nights where i didn’t even log four hours of sleep and in two days, it is the anniversary of my uncle’s death. any of the aforementioned on its own would be a lot but all together? intense doesn’t begin to describe it.

after getting home from brunch with an old friend from high school, i immediately changed into pajamas and just sat. i truly needed to just do nothing. it reminded me of this quote i stumbled across last month from faith broussard cade:

“instead of: ‘i feel so lazy for being exhausted all the time.’ try: ‘i’m grateful for my body’s natural ability to perceive when it needs rest.’ give yourself grace.”

tonight, i am giving myself grace.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: your own lane

i am less than one week away from starting to work with my wellness coach/trainer. someone asked me how i was feeling about it today and i answered honestly – i was terrified. i know that i am in the right place at the right time PLUS i truly believe this is the right person to facilitate this journey with me. even still, there was this fear.

when thinking about where that fear stemmed from, i realized that on some level, i was comparing myself to others. whether it was people i knew personally or what i was ingesting through media, i had temporarily lost sight of what i truly needed to be focused on. the only person i need to be in competition with is myself – as long as i am better than i was the day before, that is more than enough. it made me think of this quote i ran across last month:

“when you’re in your own lane, there’s no traffic.” -ava duvernay

i couldn’t have said it better.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: make space

with each year that i grow older, i become more aware of my goals and what must be done to accomplish them. in doing a thorough inventory of my life, i feel fortunate to have the bulk of the boxes checked off. while it wasn’t without hard work, the universe has definitely lined some things up for me as well. one thing that has been on my mind more as i navigate my 30s is having a family of my own before this decade is over. while i am not ready for a child tomorrow, i know i definitely want children at some point. while i ready in a lot of ways, one area of concern is would i physically be able to carry a child safely. 

i’ve always been a big girl and feel like i have tried a million different things to lose weight. while i have no desire to be skinny, i am also aware that the amount of weight i am carrying and where i carry the bulk of my weight (my midsection) is not healthy long term. in terms of things i have tried to lose weight, some haven’t worked at all, some worked up until a point and some worked well but just weren’t sustainable long term. in thinking about things i have not tried, i realized i might be in need of a full blown wellness coach, not just a personal trainer. of course, this means i would need to carve out space, time and money. i saw this quote at the start of the year and it just resonated with me.

“make space: in order to have new things come into our lives, we must be willing to do the hard work of making space for it.” -sara kuburic, ccc

i decided this week that in mid march, my physical health is something i will be making a substantial amount of space for. i am certainly worth the fucking investment.

what in your life do you need to make space for?

xoxo,

k. tap