how are we already in december? these posts started off being called “thought of the week” because i was posting them weekly. getting back into a groove/blogging regularly post covid has been more challenging than i thought it would be. i have missed writing, however, my days are far more packed than they used to be between having a new job, commuting 30 miles each way and going to personal training three days a week after work. by the time i get home, i am wiped out! misu and i curl up on the couch and often fall asleep with bravo blasting in the background. the time change certainly did not help in the energy department. it is pitch black by 5:30pm and i am often yawning before i even get home. with that being said, i had three goals for thanksgiving break: getting a sleep schedule together, thoroughly cleaning my apartment and spending quality time with friends i do not get to see often enough. i am proud to say i accomplished all three and as a result, am feeling both rejuvenated and so excited to get back to blogging regularly.
last week, i had dinner with my best friend, his wonderful wife and two of her friends. we talked about everything from favorite outdoor activities to what we were binging on television to thoughts on covid to how to go about finding the right therapist (something all of us had in common was valuing mental health). over a plethora of tacos and margaritas, we talked about not only our experiences in therapy but finding the right therapist. something i said at dinner (that i also tell my clients) is to be able to differentiate feeling uncomfortable (because it is unfamiliar) versus feeling unsafe. if therapy is something that is a brand new concept, there is a chance it won’t feel great initially and that’s okay. doing the work is what is most important. this quote summed things up perfectly.
“you’ve relied on time to heal your wounds, but time alone isn’t enough. i hope you learn to hold yourself accountable by practicing what is right for you even if it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. i hope you adopt a habit of consistency when it comes to how you treat yourself.” -billy chapata
what are you doing to treat yourself better? i will be answering that very question along with many others soon on my next instagram live – questions with k. tap. it is on sunday, 12.12 at 11am pacific standard time. dm me your questions and i look forward to connecting with all of you then!
i am all about list making. on any given day, i have three to-do lists. there are the tasks i need to accomplish in a work setting, things i need to get done around the house and things i want to do for myself (meditation, a long bath, online shopping, etc.). i love writing them out so i can draw a line through each thing once complete. when on the go, i will make these lists in the notes section of my iphone. something i have been thinking of recently is whether or not there is a better way to categorize my to-do lists.
i came across this tweet during the summer and starting in december, i will be making a sincere effort to have this approach:
“i started dividing my to-do list into 1) things i have to do, 2) things i want to do, and 3) things other people want me to do. life changing! i often don’t get to 3 and i finally realized omg, is this what it means to have boundaries?! 🤯🤯🤯” -jenée desmond harris
on the days where i have felt like i am not accomplishing enough, when i take a step back, there have been times where i have made more time for what others wanted me to do instead of what i both needed or wanted to do for myself. in the class i am currently teaching around mental and emotional health & wellness, we recently had a discussion centering around mistaking self prioritization for selfishness. the two are not synonymous, even though we live in a society that would try to convince you of otherwise. there is no need to apologize for putting yourself first.
last night was my first instagram live since being released from the hospital due to covid. while i was definitely a bit nervous, it felt good to get back into a groove and connect with so many of you. i had multiple questions about my experience with being hospitalized, what recovery was like and how i was coping. if 2021 has taught me anything, it is this powerful message from maya angelou:
“you may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” -maya angelou via InHerShoes Movement
having covid, being hospitalized for 35 days and having to learn how to do the most basic things felt like i had been hit with a ton of bricks. initially, there was a complete loss of control. however, what i did have control over was how i responded and what i chose to do with my new lease on life. there is nothing more empowering than that.
i have been evolving at a pace more rapid than what i am used to. because i am such a planner (and a bit of a control freak), i often try to map out changes that are set to occur. it helps me feel more ready; more grounded. i have had to relinquish some of that control while also leaning on some key players. remembering that i have this stellar support system is something that has helped make this process of changing easier. while a lot of the people closest to me are happy to see me evolving, there are some that don’t seem to be excited or even accepting.
i saw this drawing on the instagram page of viola davis and couldn’t help but smile.
just because people are used to me being a particular way does not mean that i am meant to stay that way forever. ideally, we are all evolving and blossoming.
but guess what? even if someone i love is stagnant, i value myself enough to blossom anyway.
has anyone else felt scattered this month? as we wrap up june and i pack up the last four years of my life at one job while in selecting office furniture for the next step in my career, i have felt all over the place. even still, i know that the decisions i’ve been making are the right ones for me.
there was a time in my life where if every single thing was not operating smoothly, i would categorize myself as a failure. my nonstop pursuit of perfection was all consuming and quite frankly, dangerous. being able to admit that and relinquish control was a game changer.
it is okay to relinquish control. it is okay to feel scattered. it is okay to be flawed.
this quote from gigi groener, who i am lucky enough to call a friend, was a much needed reminder of just that.
“i am still whole even when my pieces feel scattered.”
leave it to gigi to remind me that i am just as valuable even when i feel a bit scattered. you are, too.