thought of the week: put some of it down

happy friday, my loves! it has been a few weeks since i have blogged. typically, i might apologize for that but i certainly will not be today. there have been so many transitions happening. from watching my first set of freshmen graduate over memorial day weekend to having a sick grandfather (and the family drama that goes along with that) to transitioning to a new job, all while trying to pay attention to my health and wellness, i have been overwhelmed. i was scrambling to get everything in order before leaving to mexico for the week. the thing i was most adamant about was being sure all of my client notes and files were completely finished. then on monday, i had this moment of clarity.

why am i putting pressure on myself to get something done that will be waiting on me when i return? a couple of months ago, when i went to puerto rico, i spent a full day working remotely. and while it felt good to put a dent in my work, as soon as i got back to the grind, i fell back behind. and you know what i ended up being regretful about? it wasn’t about falling behind – it was about not enjoying that day in puerto rico with my friends. i had earned that time off. why not enjoy it fully?

with me working in mental health within the school system, i get a chunk of summer off. why not use a few days post vacation to catch up? who is going to punish me for being behind on notes that are due to no one except for me? why am i holding myself to these insane standards as if i haven’t served a community desperately in need amidst a pandemic?

something had to fucking give.

after plowing through administrative meetings on monday and doing personal training both monday and tuesday, i hopped on my flight wednesday morning to head to mexico. but something happened to me on tuesday once i finally made peace with my decision and it was incredible. this quote was a reminder of just that.

“what you’ve been trying to carry is too heavy for you. put some of it down. take a break. relax your shoulders. unclench your jaws and fists. take a few deep breaths. you’re going to be okay.” -faith broussard cade

tuesday, i was wiped out. i felt too tired to drive to personal training but didn’t want to miss my session. we were wrapping up our third month together and i am feeling/seeing the shifts in my body and spirit. i went out on a limb to text my trainer to see if we could start later so i could squeeze in a 60 minute nap. she happily agreed. later on, i felt proud driving home from my session and that evening, couldn’t place what was happening. after a trip to the restroom, i realized my period was starting. i had a few thoughts. the first was that this explains why i was even more wiped out than i could put into words. the second was that this was inconvenient timing since i was leaving for mexico just a few hours later. but the last and most important one was that this is the first period i have had that has been completely natural (without intervention from my ob) and normal (flow and pain wise) in years.

the second i put down what i was carrying and after a few months of treating my body better, in return, my body is treating me beautifully. so on this friday, i invite you to:

“put some of it down.

take a break.

relax your shoulders.

unclench your jaws and fists.

take a few deep breaths.”

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: what is gaslighting?

this blog post is long overdue. on my instagram live in december, there was a question about gaslighting and many of you messaged me about doing a full length post on it. between the end of the year not wrapping up as i anticipated + the start of the new year being brutal both at work and in the world, i didn’t have the energy to tackle this topic. it’s an important one that deserves my full attention.

first things first – what is gaslighting? gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get a person(s) to question their own reality, memory or perception.

during grad school, i found myself frequenting the psychology today website. during my final year in my mft program, there was this great article on 11 warning signs of gaslighting. it is a quick and easy way to analyze whether or not the relationships you are in are truly healthy. let’s get to these 11 warning signs:

1. they tell blatant lies

2. they deny they ever said something, even though you have proof

3. they use what is near and dear to you as ammunition

4. they wear you down over time

5. their actions do not match their words

6. they throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you

7. they know confusion weakens people

8. they project

9. they try and align people against you

10. they tell you or others that you are crazy

11. they tell you everyone else is a liar

any of these individually are less than ideal but it would make more sense that a person could miss that this was happening in the first place if they appeared as isolated events. it would also make sense for a person who grew up being gaslit by their family may not recognize how controlling and manipulative said behavior is when building relationships with friends and partners as an adult.

as we kick off a new year, i encourage you to take a step back and look closely at the most significant relationships in your life. are each of them free of this kind of behavior? if not, why is this behavior being tolerated by you?

if struggling to end a relationship where you are being gaslit, just remember to treat/talk to yourself like someone you love.

xoxo,

k. tap

52 lists

earlier this year, i was gifted two separate care packages from extraordinary friends from boxfox. while there were a wide array of goodies, something both boxes had in common were journals. i noticed one journal looked similar to another i had been gifted for my birthday. it is as though my friends knew what i needed even when i didn’t.

let me introduce you to 52 lists by moorea seal…

outside of the journals being beautiful, something i love is that while you can easily do an entry per week since there are 52 lists in each book, there is no pressure if you miss a week because there are no dates printed in the journals. while i am nowhere near finished with each journal, in looking ahead at the prompts for the year, i loved each enough to gift to friends and have recommended both to clients on journeys to create calm and/or happiness in their own lives.

52 lists for happiness – weekly journaling inspiration for positivity, balance and joy is broken down into four parts: reflect, acknowledge, invest and transform. some of my favorite prompts are: list the best choices you have made in your life so far; list the things in your life you are actually able to control; list the ways that you think someone you love would describe you; list the people you want to spend more time with before the end of the year; list how where you are right now fulfills dreams and desires of your past.

52 lists for calm – journaling inspiration for soothing anxiety and creating a peaceful life is broken down into four parts, as well: be present, look back, move forward and release. some of my favorite prompts are: list the ways that you tend to feel stress in yourself body; list the songs that feel like comfort, peace, calm and rest; list all the people in your life that you have felt comfortable talking to and felt heard by; list the people you think of as your chosen family; list the things you would say to other people if you had the courage.

if looking for a way to treat yourself or an incredibly thoughtful gift to give to someone, you can find 52 lists for happiness and 52 lists for calm on amazon.

do you have either of these? if not, do you have any of the other 52 lists journals?

xoxo,

k. tap

52 lists

earlier this year, i was gifted two separate care packages from extraordinary friends from boxfox. while there were a wide array of goodies, something both boxes had in common were journals. i noticed one journal looked similar to another i had been gifted for my birthday. it is as though my friends knew what i needed even when i didn’t.

let me introduce you to 52 lists by moorea seal…

outside of the journals being beautiful, something i love is that while you can easily do an entry per week since there are 52 lists in each book, there is no pressure if you miss a week because there are no dates printed in the journals. while i am nowhere near finished with each journal, in looking ahead at the prompts for the year, i loved each enough to gift to friends and have recommended both to clients on journeys to create calm and/or happiness in their own lives.

52 lists for happiness – weekly journaling inspiration for positivity, balance and joy is broken down into four parts: reflect, acknowledge, invest and transform. some of my favorite prompts are: list the best choices you have made in your life so far; list the things in your life you are actually able to control; list the ways that you think someone you love would describe you; list the people you want to spend more time with before the end of the year; list how where you are right now fulfills dreams and desires of your past.

52 lists for calm – journaling inspiration for soothing anxiety and creating a peaceful life is broken down into four parts, as well: be present, look back, move forward and release. some of my favorite prompts are: list the ways that you tend to feel stress in yourself body; list the songs that feel like comfort, peace, calm and rest; list all the people in your life that you have felt comfortable talking to and felt heard by; list the people you think of as your chosen family; list the things you would say to other people if you had the courage.

if looking for a way to treat yourself or an incredibly thoughtful gift to give to someone, you can find 52 lists for happiness and 52 lists for calm on amazon.

do you have either of these? if not, do you have any of the other 52 lists journals?

xoxo,

k. tap