i find that i am typically in a joyful mood from the moment february begins because i am obsessed with my birthday, i love valentine’s day and i get to see so many of my favorite people in an incredibly short time span.  because january was a total whirlwind – everything from getting back into town from a wedding i was in, to starting this blog, traveling out of town two additional weekends, seeing almost 160 students for sessions at work, and dealing with some heavy shit personally, by the time february rolled around, i was exhausted.

 

as you know from my post on the 5 love languages, i am a person that believes that quality time is everything.  if i commit to spending time with someone, i keep that commitment unless i am on my deathbed.  and i was going to do that again yesterday with some close friends for dinner, and then i remembered this quote from brené brown:

 

 

“it takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.” -brené brown

 

my best friend from grad school, christine, posted this a few months ago and i have thought about it several times since.

 

i started this week off by driving through pouring rain almost 30 miles to go to a professional development workshop, i had an 11 hour day on tuesday, and my wednesday was jam packed with meetings followed by a new barre class i was trying out.  with so many sick kids and coworkers, i did not feel great before class started and after an excruciating hour long workout, i wondered momentarily how i was even going to make it home. i knew that today (thursday) would be another 11 hour day.  i asked myself how the hell i was supposed to go home, shower, get glammed up and drive through traffic to sit through a dinner where i actually would want to be present and not be a zombie? especially when i knew how long today was going to be. then i realized something – it simply was not possible. i could go. maybe i could even lyft there.  but here’s the thing – i was not just physically exhausted, i was mentally and emotionally exhausted.  why did i even allow myself to get to this point? there is nothing cool about feeling totally spent.  so i did something i hardly ever do.  i did something courageous.  i sent that text message every planner i know dreads – the text saying i wasn’t going to make it to our dinner reservation (taking place two hours later).

 

i had this moment of panic. i almost never cancel plans, especially the day of.   but it was too late – i had already sent the message.

 

within moments, one of my friends responded both in the group strand and individually to check on me.  it really confirmed i made the right decision and it was refreshing to feel understood in unfamiliar territory.

 

i then wondered how many times i had said “no” to the rest my body needed.  i also wondered how many times i had said “no” to play my spirit deserved.

 

i tend to look at my birthday as the start of the new year.  a vow i am making to myself this year is to say “yes” more frequently to both rest and play.  it is something i am constantly encouraging my clients to do and with that being said, i need to walk the talk.

 

what is something you want to say “yes” to more frequently in 2019?

 

xoxo,

k. tap