over the last month, i have had more conversations than i could count with friends and family about what a healthy and happy relationship looks like. while i do not think there is only one version of a healthy and happy relationship, there are some basic prerequisites in mind that are truly nonnegotiable. respect. both bringing something of substance to the table. independence. trust. loyalty. honesty. being secure as an individual. i am sure there are more that i could add but these are the ones at the forefront of my mind.
with every single conversation, there was this theme. all of the relationships had happy memories. and with that came some confusion – some happy memories is not synonymous with a healthy and happy relationship. when i came across this quote from billy chapata, it perfectly captured my thoughts and feelings on the matter.
“memories are a dangerous thing to be in love with. i hope you learn to discern the difference between the love you have for someone, and the love you have for the moments you spent together.” -billy chapata
i have seen friends and family do this and i have definitely been guilty of it – staying in relationships longer than we should have because of the memories we are in love with. great memories are not strong enough to be the glue or backbone of any relationship whether it be with a significant other, a family member or a friend.
are you able to differentiate between the love you have for someone versus the love you have for the moments you’ve spent together?