thought of the week: requirements

first off, i hope all of you have had a decent start to the week.  typically, i would say good start or great start but i think that is a bit harder to achieve amidst covid/quarantine.  and trust me, that is okay.  sometimes, a decent start is still something to celebrate.

 

shifting gears, i want to touch on what it looks like to date during quarantine.  some of my friends are already boo’d up so this does not apply to them.  others have no interest in getting to know anyone new during this time as simply managing their own emotions and thoughts is tough enough.  and then there are the friends like me – the ones that are utilizing this time where we may not be able to connect in person to connect virtually.  why hold off on having those real conversations that typically take place on date three or five or ten?  there is plenty of time now to have the more substantial conversations and get to know someone beyond just the physical aspect.  i would argue that it is even a way to weed out people that you are not compatible with before wasting the time, energy and money it takes to get ready for a first date.

 

in hearing some of my friends talk about dating, there are lengthy lists of requirements many people have.  here’s an example…one of my girlfriends won’t look at you if you do not check off all of the following boxes: at least six feet tall, perfect smile, broad shoulders, abs, at least a bachelors degree, make at least 100k yearly, has a great relationship with family, loves to travel, open to relocating to her hometown, makes her laugh regularly, and i know i am definitely forgetting a couple.

 

now here’s the thing: some of you are reading this and don’t think this list is crazy at all; others are reading it and are asking yourself if the man described above even exists.  while this list is long in my personal opinion, i do not know that it is crazy (my list looks different but that is a different conversation).  i also know that this man does exist.  i have met more than one that falls into this category.  my issue is less with the list and more with my friend who made it.  do you know why?

 

i do not think she has taken the time to ask herself a very important question…

 

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“do you meet all of the requirements that you require?”

 

is it reasonable or fair to require someone to check off a ton of boxes that you yourself do not?  some might say yes.  my answer is a hard no.

 

there is nothing i require from people in relationships that i am not bringing to the table.  that does not mean that i have low expectations, i just don’t have ones that are unrealistic or what i would even call ridiculous.  i cannot require that someone be willing to relocate if we do not live in the same place (when i don’t want to leave la again), have washboard abs (when i have always been a big girl) or have a picture perfect relationship with their family (when my relationship with my family has had its fair share of bumps and bruises).  i require someone that is a strong communicator, driven, a beautiful smile, trustworthy and is passionate about whatever they spend the bulk of their time doing (whether a degree is present or not).  do i have other things on my list? absolutely.  but the other things on that list are still things i also am bringing to the table.

 

now, while the examples i used above reference dating, i think this quote provides food for thought for a variety of relationships – ones with family, friends, people at the workplace, etc.  have you thought about whether or not you meet all of the requirements that you require?  if you are having trouble answering the question, write it down.  it will be super clear to you then.

 

last, but certainly not least, if you are free tonight at 7pm pst, tune into my instagram live.  there are some really great questions that i am looking forward to answering.  can’t wait to connect with you!

 

xoxo,

k. tap

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