Author: keep up with k.tap

thought of the week: talk to yourself

as someone that lives alone (and has for quite some time), i find myself thinking out loud quite often. i have noticed myself doing this at a higher frequency while quarantined, likely because i can’t do it over a bottle of wine with a friend on my couch.

whether you talk to yourself out loud the way that i do, jot down your thoughts and feelings, or simply store them all in your head, have you ever paid close attention to how you talk to yourself? what does your tone sound like? what does your body language look like? are you tough? are you kind? are you compassionate? are you mean? are you forgiving?

we’ve heard time and time again that we are our own toughest critics. that being said, i have caught myself talking to myself in a way that could be considered harsh or unforgiving. this quote by brene brown stood out to me and is often something i tell myself and my clients:

“talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” -brene brown

when i think of how i treat my inner circle, i meet each of them with love first, no matter the circumstance. i am just reminding myself to channel that same love and energy inward. i deserve it. so do you.

xoxo,

k. tap

saje natural wellness

last week, i did a little staycation in san diego.  it was exponentially improved by three things: great company, an unparalleled dining experience at herb & sea and my soak in the tub with saje natural wellness.

 

hillary knows me so well that she deep cleaned her tub in preparation for my arrival.  while she finished working, i enjoyed a peach hard seltzer while listening to leon bridges and soaking in her tub.  prior to my 30th birthday, i had never heard of saje natural wellness.  leave it to hillary to show me the better things in life.  she knows how much i love baths plus, both hilly and her roommate swear by saje.

 

let me tell you this: i literally felt like i was on a cloud.  the bedtime ritual relaxing bath kit did just that.  i just floated away.  my muscles were so relaxed and the tension i often carry in my back just melted away.  something i loved is that the kit came with enough bath salts for at least two (if not three) soaks.  the body butter, oil and candle really rounded out the experience.  i felt completely at ease in the tub but what i loved most was how that state of being continued even after.  i absolutely felt a difference in how i slept that night, even on a couch – that should tell you something.

 

 

while i initially would’ve just categorized this as beauty, i realized that saje is much more than that.  if you are truly into health and wellness, saje is for you because of their ability to reduce stress and create calm.  if you love candles and diffusers for your home to create a certain ambiance, saje is for you.  if you want a natural approach to beauty and wellness, look no further.

 

have you tried saje natural wellness?  what are your favorite products?

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

 

herb & sea

to say i love san diego would be a gross understatement.  it is the perfect escape when wanting to get out of la but not be too far from home.  it helps that one of my closest friends, hillary, moved here a few years back.  we make a conscious effort to visit one another.  when looking for a little staycation during a time when i would typically be catching a flight somewhere tropical, a quick drive to san diego seemed like the perfect solution.

 

when choosing where to go to dinner, the choice was easy.  we love to support small businesses, we love seafood and a dear friend of ours, sara, is both the executive chef and partner at a restaurant in encinitas.  last night, i finally got to experience herb & sea.

 

 

founded by brian malarkey, who you might recognize from top chef, herb & sea is truly a gem.  even amidst the pandemic, they have found a way to create an extraordinary dining experience.  rather than each get a starter and an entree, we had sara suggest some of her favorites.  because this was not hillary’s first rodeo, she had an item or two that she knew we should tack on as well.

 

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it was unreal.

 

we started with drinks (we got the mezcal and flowers and even as someone that typically gravitates towards vodka, it was to die for), burrata, oysters, hamachi crudo, smoked salmon dip and shrimp toast.  there was nothing i would not order again but i will say this – i could have ordered 10 of the hamachi crudo plates and still wanted more. it was that good.

 

 

 

for our main courses, we went with the local field greens, linguini and crab, peaches and prosciutto pizza and the crispy boardwalk potatoes (which aren’t pictured due to us being in a trance from all of the goodness on our table).

 

 

 

and for dessert, there was a special cheesecake with tropical fruit and berries and for you chocolate lovers, a lava cake.

 

i really cannot say enough great things about this restaurant, the drinks, the food and the quality of service.  brian happened to be there while we were dining and stopped by our table to say hello, ask how our dining experience was and wish us well.  there is something magical about restaurants like this one where you can tell that every single person who works there genuinely loves people, food and what they do.

 

if you find yourself in the san diego area, stop by herb & sea. you will be happy you did.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

 

 

thought of the week: you are allowed to change the price

in the world we live in, there is this unspoken idea that we are supposed to be constantly dialed in.  right now, i am typing this from my macbook that is linked to my imessages with multiple windows open across my four gmail accounts.  when did this become the norm even during summer vacation?  anyone else in the same boat?

 

even with me being dialed in pretty regularly, something i have been working on is accessibility.  it is one thing to have all of these windows on my screen open – it is an entirely different thing to feel an immense pressure to respond to every text, phone call, email, dm, etc.  i am someone that has to be dialed in for work from august to may.  we have been instructed to keep our cell phones on our desks in plain sight so we can see the alert if the school goes on lockdown (what a world we live in).  this is in addition to me working in mental health and getting more texts than i could ever count about crises that need to be addressed immediately.  when i am at work, this does not bother me because i knew that this simply came along with the job.  but it is outside of work that started to chip away at me.

 

there did not seem to be boundaries around my accessibility.  it is like i had made this unconscious decision to be equally accessible for anyone at any given point in time, no matter the reason for contact or my mental/emotional state of being at that moment.  something had to give.  this quote summed it up perfectly.

 

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“you are allowed to change the price of what it costs to access you.”

 

i cannot tell you how much i needed to see this in print or how much it resonated with me.  there were people that had access to me that did not deserve it.  there were people who had access to me that was too easy considering the lack of reciprocity in our relationship.  there were people that accessed me with heavy content without first checking to see if i had the capacity to hold it.  but here’s the thing – i was, am and will be in complete control over who has access to me along with what it costs to access me.  while the cost may not be monetary, it certainly includes things like reciprocity, compassion and loyalty, amongst other things.

 

have you stopped to think about what it costs to access you?  do you need to change the price or is it fine as is?

 

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: normalize asking children for consent

i don’t know if it is because so many of my clients are children, the new school year being only a month away, working through my own childhood trauma, being asked to be a godmother for the second time yesterday (which i am thrilled about) or a combination of the aforementioned, i have been gravitating towards writing about the little ones as of late.  last week, my thought of the week was: normalize apologizing to children.  it has gotten more traction on instagram than any post i have done the entire time i have had this blog.  there have been so many conversations following the post that have been thought provoking and tugged at my heartstrings.  i got messages from people saying that they truly felt seen – some for the very first time.

 

building on last week’s thought on things we should normalize with children, i saw this tweet from a doctor a few days ago that resonated with me – normalizing asking children for consent to touch them.

 

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“normalize asking children for consent to touch them.  whether it is a hug, a kiss, an arm rub.  ask for consent.  teach them from a young age that they have autonomy over their personal space and they have a right to be upset if it is violated.” -dr. setshwaelo

 

because of the field that i am in, it is absolutely normal for me to ask children for consent to touch them.  if i have a client in distress and there is an incredibly emotional session, at the end of the session, i will ask: “would a hug be helpful or comforting to you in this moment?” – not only do i respect and honor whatever their decision is but my language makes it clear that the hug is about them and not about me.  however, when i think back to my own childhood or what i see with many of the children i work with in their own families, that is not the case.

 

i cannot count how many times as a child i was instructed to hug someone whether it be an extended relative or a friend of my mom or dad.  here’s the thing: not only is physical touch not one of my primary love languages, since i was a child, i have been someone that goes off of energy.  if i really loved someone, i would likely initiate a hug.  if i liked someone’s energy, i didn’t mind a hug.  if i did not like their energy, a hug was not something i wanted to engage it.  however, it did not always feel like a choice.

 

as i have gotten older and through education and practice, done a deeper dive into the field of psychology, i have thought a great deal about the impact of that along with the messages being sent to children early on about consent.  a child does not owe someone a hug or any other kind of physical touch as a greeting.  it does not matter if they are interacting family, friends of the family or an elder.  this still applies even if the adult in their life values physical touch as their love language of choice.  if the child does not, it is wrong to force them to do so.  if we are teaching children to advocate for themselves as they grow up, shouldn’t that start early on and at home?  and if it is in fact starting at home, that means that parents should back their children up if they express not wanting to be touched by someone even if it is someone the parents trust.

 

i am incredibly interested in thoughts on this along with experiences you’d like to share on the topic.  write below or feel free to privately message me depending on the nature of your response.

 

xoxo,

k. tap