Author: keep up with k.tap

myers briggs personality types

as someone who majored in psychology in undergrad, then went on to study counseling psychology in grad school, i have taken more personality assessments than i care to count.  some of them seemed like total bullshit – this includes ones that painted me in a “perfect” type of way.  one that has always seemed reliable (including shifting my results when i as a person shifted) was the myers briggs assessment.

 

there are 16 different personality types that are different combinations of the following letters: e or i (extrovert or introvert), n or s (intuitive or sensing), f or t (feeling or thinking) and j or p (judging or perceiving).

 

in administering this assessment to people who have worked for me, clients, friends, family and peers, the most common surprise is that first letter – e or i – extroversion or introversion. this seems to stem from the warped definition people have about these words.  for whatever reason, introversion gets a bad rap.  people seem to view introversion as being synonymous with being anti-social, closed off or even rude.  in reality, the true difference between extroverts and introverts is where people in each category get their energy from.  an extrovert recharges around others – that is what makes them feel alive.  an introvert recharges (best) alone – that is what makes them thrive in situations around others; it does not mean they do not enjoy socialization.  i would highly suggest giving this to people you work with if you find that you are having trouble communicating with one another or just as a fun team building exercise.  it has definitely been useful in helping me understand my friends and family members in a better way.

 

there are thought to be four categories that hold the different types of personalities:

  1. analysts (intj, intp, entj, entp)
  2. diplomats (infj, infp, enfj, enfp)
  3. explorers (istp, isfp, estp, esfp)
  4. sentinels (istj, isfj, estj, esfj)

 

i have taken the test on several different sites and just with pen + paper but my favorite place to take it (that offers the most thorough explanations of each type) is here.  this particular site offers a breakdown of each personality type in the following categories:  an introduction, strengths & weaknesses, emotions, romantic relationships, friendships, parenthood, career paths, workplace habits and a sweet little conclusion to wrap it all up.

 

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if you couldn’t tell by how thoroughly i explained how misunderstood the people who are introverts can be, my personality type is intj – that falls under the analyst category and is often described as the architect of the bunch; us intjs are strategic and have a plan for absolutely everything.  anyone on here that knows me personally can vouch for me when i say i absolutely love planning, organization, color coding and anything that can streamline a process.  intj is the most rare personality type (only 2% of the population and only 0.8% of women).

 

there are wonderful things about this personality type that ring true for me and there are also areas i am constantly trying to work on about this personality type that could not be more accurate.  some of those wonderful things include: confidence, ability and willingness to question everything, hard working and a person who can wear multiple hats with ease.  some of the not so wonderful things are: being overly analytical (sometimes, to my detriment), passing judgment (outside of my role as a therapist) and my strong disdain for overly (or unnecessarily, in my opinion) structured environments with no room for movement and/or improvement.  some public figures you may know who share my personality type are: elon musk, michelle obama, friedrich nietzsche, gandalf (from lord of the rings – we can discuss my obsession with this at a later time).

 

to read more about my complex personality, click here.

 

i would love to hear what you think about the assessment and your results! share them with me in the comments section.

 

xoxo,

k.tap

we’re going to need more wine

i am fully aware that three out of my five posts on here mention or show wine – welcome to my world.

 

a book i would highly suggest you reading before the month is over is: we’re going to need more wine by gabrielle union.  now, i have been a fan of gabby’s since the 90s – i first saw her in “7th heaven” as one of mary (jessica biel’s) best friends and was just elated to see someone who looked like me on my favorite show.  i was then captivated by her role in “she’s all that” and by 2000, she was my movie idol after seeing her in “bring it on”, a cult classic.  as i have grown and matured, she has done the same.  most recently, i was impressed with seeing a different side of her in “being mary jane” – a show that truly captures what a working woman of color goes through both in and outside of work.  the show and her character, was so raw and real.  it made me wonder if that is how she was in real life – could she have some of these things in common with her character on “being mary jane”? – the answer is a definite yes.

 

i zipped through the 262 pages in less than 48 hours during a work week. there is a message to be found in this book for every single woman and an even deeper set of messages for a black woman such as myself.  i just counted how many of those blue post-its i tabbed the book with – there were 13!

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whether gabby was discussing the first time she was called the n-word in elementary school by a classmate (something i am all too familiar with), the instances where she would put on an act as the “token black girl”, the way she unapologetically embraces her sexuality (along with not being afraid to ask for what she wants in the bedroom), diving into the touchier topics like the struggles darker skinned black women go through in finding an amazing black man to date – colorism is alive and fucking well in our community (we can talk about that in another post), or how to parent black boys (and the complicated, adult-like conversations that have to be had when raising a black boy) in today’s society; there is no subject she touched on that i could not relate to.

 

this book is the perfect one to read while curled up on your couch with a glass of wine and an even better book to discuss with your girlfriends.  get yourself a copy of the “we’re going to need more wine” here.

 

 

drybar obsessed

i cannot say enough wonderful things about drybar.  my obsession started back in 2012 when i was sick and tired of straightening my hair on my own – my arms would hurt and it never seemed as sleek as i would want it to be.  then, i discovered drybar.

 

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now, let’s rewind a bit so you have a little context about my hair journey.  i have been getting my hair relaxed since grammar school.  it was less about wanting my hair to be bone straight and much more about wanting my hair to be more manageable.  my mom hated that she felt like she was hurting me when she was combing my hair every morning.  i was happy to no longer be in pain and to also have the time spent on my hair reduced significantly.  i have an amazing hair braider (erika) who has been doing my hair since i was two years old.  i basically just alternate between getting my hair relaxed and wearing it straightened or getting it braided.  before anyone comments on the “horrific” impact of “creamy crack”, you can save your energy.  not only is my hair thicker and stronger than ever but i am not interested in wearing my hair in its natural state.  i respect your natural hair and you should respect my processed hair, especially since it is on my big ass head. thank you, next.

 

the time when i struggle most with my hair is about 7-10 days after i initially get it relaxed.  it is then time for a proper wash – for those of you unfamiliar with black girl hair care, most of us are highly advised to not wash our hair more than once a week because it totally strips it of the natural oils and makes our hair brittle.  i would say this is even more important for someone like me that gets their hair relaxed because i want to be sure i am keeping my hair as healthy and happy as possible.  so instead, i typically use my favorite drybar dry shampoo because it is light, fresh and absorbs any excess oil without stripping my hair.  you can purchase it from drybar or if you are a nordstrom junkie like me and love getting points, you can purchase it here.

 

but here’s the thing: washing means blow-drying and blow-drying means straightening is needed and i am already tired just typing all of this out.  my hair is thick and it takes me at least two hours from the start of washing my hair until the time  i straighten the last piece.  i am typically in and out of drybar in one hour or less.  there are few things i love more than efficiency and drybar has that down to a science.  you can make your appointment online in seconds and give them any necessary info about your hair so they can try to match you with a stylist that is the best fit for you.  the desk staff is friendly at every location i have gone to and you are offered a variety of beverages, including a complimentary glass of wine or champagne.  who does not love that?! especially after a long day at the office or to kick off your weekend.

 

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something i truly appreciate is you see a bit of everyone at drybar – both men and women work there.  there are people of every race and the employees seem comfortable being their most authentic selves.  as a result, the clientele reflects that.  being able to pay $49 to be pampered and have a blowout that can last up to 10 days is well worth it.  trust me!

 

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xoxo,

k. tap

it’s wine wednesday!

because i like alliteration, wine wednesday seemed like a decent title but if i am keeping it 100, wine could (and should) be had daily.

 

my favorite winery in napa hands down is domaine carneros.  while i tend to gravitate towards sparkling wines and anything on the lighter end of things (pinot grigios, rosés, etc.), domaine carneros also offers some amazing reds, specifically, pinot noirs.

 

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after going to this winery on several occasions to celebrate everything from birthdays to bachelorettes to simply being alive, i figured i might as well get a membership.  i was even happier with this choice now that i live in la again (as opposed to the bay area, where napa was more accessible).  there are multiple tiers of membership which you can find out about here.  i currently have the classic sparkling membership which includes two bottles of sparkling wine every other month and a magnum sized bottle of my favorite sparkling wine during the holiday season.  not only is it something to look forward to coming home to but the other perks include free tastings when i am at the winery, a private seating area (both indoor and on the terrace) on the weekends when it is beyond busy and discounts on bottles whether i purchase one or an entire case.

 

both the views and the customer service are unparalleled.  on your next trip to napa, be sure to stop by.  if you are like me and hate waiting for a table, call or go online a couple of weeks ahead of time to make a proper reservation.  if napa is too far for you to travel, order a bottle of the 2015 brut rosé sparkling or the 2014 vermeil demi-sec sparkling.  trust me, you will not be disappointed.

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mac & cheese

whether you are a person that cooks daily (like me) or a person that cooks once a week, i have found that pretty much every person has a go to dish that they love and are even confident enough to serve it to guests.  for me, that dish is a baked macaroni and cheese.

growing up in a household with parents and grandparents who cooked regularly, specifically, a grandmother with midwestern/southern roots, we were all about soul food.  when i was in fifth grade, i went to a friend’s house after school and mentioned i was hungry, she told me she could make us some mac and cheese “real quick”.  i was shook.  i had never seen mac and cheese take less than one hour start to finish.  this was the day i discovered that easy mac existed.  now, as a tipsy college student, easy mac definitely did the trick.  pushing 30, i now want something more substantial and would like to cook with ingredients that are actually easy to identify.  so over the years, i have tweaked the mac and cheese recipe my grammy and mom served to us as kids.

for me, meat is not a necessity to make something a meal.  i am happy having mac and cheese by itself or paired with a salad + some cornbread with honey butter. now, if i am cooking for guests, i normally pair this with both fried chicken and a baked bbq sriracha glazed chicken, something green (i lean towards steamed broccoli with garlic and lemon or a caesar salad with bacon and avocado) and the aforementioned cornbread.

while this is called mac and cheese, i actually use medium sized shells because i noticed they cup all of the cheesy goodness in a way the small elbow macaroni i grew up on could not.

*warning – i do not measure when i season – it is more of a feeling but i am happy to do this via instagram live if that is something you all are interested in at a later date

now, onto the ingredients/necessary cookware:

one box of medium sized shells (do not buy whole wheat – the brand does not matter)
one stick of butter (plus an extra sliver)
one can of campbell’s cream of mushroom (be sure it is not low sodium or low fat)
2% milk
2 cups of grated pepper jack cheese
3-4 cups of colby jack cheese
garlic salt, black pepper and seasoning salt
a rectangular pan that is well coated with pam or your cooking spray of choice
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the recipe is fairly simple:

when you put the water on to boil your pasta, turn the oven on to 350
pour pasta in to pot once boiling with a sliver of butter and a couple dashes of garlic salt
cook until finished (more on the firm side since it will be smothered with ingredients and baked)
take coated pan and pour drained pasta into pan
add can of cream of mushroom (save can)
slice stick of butter and evenly distribute within the pan
pour milk into can until full
add to pan
add pepper jack cheese to pan
stir until mixed
season with garlic salt, seasoning salt and black pepper
stir again
add light layer of black pepper
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cover entire top with the colby jack
bake for 35-45 minutes depending on the oven (for my oven, i do 38 minutes)
let sit for 5-10 minutes before serving
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one of my favorite things about this dish (aside from how delicious it is) is that it does not turn my kitchen into a disaster, it reheats so well (especially because there are no breadcrumbs) and takes about one hour from start to finish.  there is something about mac and cheese that is good for the soul.
if you decide to make it, let me know how it goes!
xoxo,
k. tap