thought of the week: thank you for loving each version of me

last week, my very first college roommate turned best friend, turned 35. marilena was someone i immediately clicked with and i felt so grateful to be randomly paired with someone perfectly suited for me. to be honest, when i think back to our hall freshman year, it was filled to the brim with people i feel so blessed to know and love. now that marilena is back in the bay, we did a weekend of celebrating and it was the best.

on friday, marilena, makensy, jackie and i circled back to glow to make candles and it was so much fun.

makensy’s tile setup

after glow, we went to dinner at zazil on santana row. the drink that we had to have more than one of was the pintado de rosa. there is something about the balance of the fresh strawberry puree with the citrus and tequila that is just next level.

pintado de rosa

on saturday, marilena’s family hosted a dinner party for about 15 of us with the most delicious traditional mexican food and great cocktails. while we ended up at a bar after dinner and makensy and i kept marilena and jared up for hours once returning to their home, my favorite part of the night was when all of the women were gathered in one room after dinner. sonya (marilena’s cousin) spoke about what marilena meant to her and how wonderful it is to go from having marilena be her flower girl to them being friends as adults. sonya opened up the floor for many of us to share. a theme i couldn’t help but notice as women across generations spoke about marilena is how she has encouraged growth in each of us – we are all better for knowing her. there were many points where i glanced across the room at marilena, makensy and jackie and was in disbelief that this september will mark SEVENTEEN years of us knowing and loving one another. when i think of who we each were when walking into santa clara’s campus as 17 and 18 year olds, it is truly wild. in taking time to think of the plethora of versions of each of us that have existed between then and now, it is heartwarming to know that the love and connection has just grown deeper. while it isn’t a guarantee, it is true for us and made me think of this quote i stumbled across back in january:

there is something so beautiful about having long-term friends that have witnessed multiple versions of you and loved you unconditionally through each version.

man. nothing compares to being loved unconditionally by people who have seen you at your highest of highs and lowest of lows. marilena has truly seen me through it all and has taught me how to not only show up for others, but how to show up for myself. that isn’t something i take for granted.

marilena + me at mumm napa

on sunday, marilena, makensy and i did a day trip to napa. we started at domaine carneros, swung over to madonna estate, all toasted to marilena and our 17 year anniversary at mumm and wrapped with dinner at rh yountville.

sparkling flight – domaine carneros
pinot noir flight – domaine carneros

the weekend was jam packed and i wouldn’t change a thing. i was reminded all weekend why these women are part of my chosen family.

tell me about someone who has loved you unconditionally through many versions of you!

xoxo,

k. tap

34.

each year, i select a word as my theme for my personal new year. after much reflection, going into 34, i chose my word: calm.

with every curveball thrown my way during 33, i focused on “controlling the controllables” (as my coach from grit and gratitude fitness frequently reminds me to do) and something i realized now more than ever is the importance of remaining calm no matter the intensity of the storm. it has served me incredibly well.

during 33, my word of the year was reciprocity. while i could only fit 10 photos on instagram (i was certain to include more here), everyone that helped me celebrate (whether it was in bottle service, at a boozy brunch, over a spectacular dinner or in napa) reiterated the importance of reciprocal relationships and aid in me being my calmest self.

on friday, the 9th, i was determined to dip back into bay area night life. dancing all night at nova in san jose followed by late night nachos at la vic’s brought me back to my early 20s. 10 out of 10 would recommend.

saturday, the 10th, was so life giving. we did a bottomless mimosa brunch at straits followed by espresso martinis at el jardin. for any of you that are new to my love languages, words of affirmation is pretty low on the list. i used to cringe when receiving them and have worked extensively on being better at just being open to being loved out loud. i wasn’t ready for when theo had each person go around and say their favorite thing about me. it definitely got emotional for many – i wouldn’t change a fucking thing.

sunday, the 11th, was so damn sweet. i did a solo coffee date with my twin, anj. next, we did a girly brunch in livermore followed by wine tasting at concannon. i wrapped the day with anj at her bff’s house (blythe is the best host!) and got to spend some time with my nephew.

monday, one of my oldest friends booked a reservation at my family’s favorite steakhouse without even knowing that info ahead of time. if you haven’t been to mastro’s, run – don’t walk. anthony knocked it out of the park.

i kicked off my actual birthday on tuesday, the 13th, with coffee with my fellow therapist and soul sister, jaclyn and her youngest son. it was the perfect start to the day. i ended with a late night happy hour at yard house with a coworker turned friend, wilson.

i wrapped up the celebrations on presidents’ day in napa with my fellow aquarian queen and a couple of our girls. we started off with brunch at rh yountville followed by wine tasting at mumm, madonna estate and domaine carneros. we wrapped the day at celadon for dinner. it was truly the perfect day.

few things compare to entering my big diesel year (for my fellow lakers fans) surrounded by being loved in my love languages (quality time and acts of service) and feeling more grounded than i ever have in my adult life.

what is your theme word for your current year of life? or perhaps, your next year of life?

thank you for all of the wonderful birthday wishes – i truly love you all.

xoxo,

k. tap

glow.

one of the many things that contributes to my house feeling like a home are candles. i’ve loved candles since i was a kid (likely because both of my parents are candle people as well). i love the cozy feeling a candle can create and how a scent can really change the vibe of a space. at the beginning of the year, my old supervisor wanted to commemorate our year working together and we talked about different activities we could do. when i mentioned loving candles, she brought up candle making. let me introduce you to: glow.

glow candle lounge

maybe you’ve heard of petroglyph? it’s a ceramic studio where you get to glaze a variety of pieces. glow is the sister studio. there is so much to love about glow. from the spacious and inviting studio to the extraordinary customer service to the variety of candles and scents that you get to choose from – there is truly something for everyone.

part of the studio
glow associate
wall of wax
candles to create + pricing
soy wax candles
scents to choose from: floral, fresh, sweet + fruity, earthy

while i went with just one person in january, i hosted a birthday party for a dear friend here a couple of weeks ago. glow was able to comfortably accommodate a party of nine (i made a reservation to be safe since we were coming in on a saturday) and it was seamless. each of us were walked through a tutorial about how to build our candle and it was such a fun and relaxing experience.

i knew i was interested in a more layered look so i chose a candle mold and the appropriate number of tiles for said mold. i also selected some charms/decorations. i chose two champagne bottles to celebrate the end of the time with my previous boss. we had a lot to toast to so it seemed appropriate.

candle mold, wax, spackle and decorations
breaking down the wax
ready for the final step (pouring hot wax in to fill the spaces)
this step is done by an associate

the following day, i swung by the studio to pick up our pieces. they turned out wonderfully!

final product!
boss’s final product

when at glow a couple of weeks ago, some friends did soy wax candles and those were so cool as well. i not only loved the vessels, i was obsessed with the dried flowers added to each of their candles.

soy wax candles

glow is located in willow glen (in san jose, ca) on lincoln avenue. there are a ton of great restaurants on the street if you want to make a day out of it the way we did. glow also allows you to bring food in if you’d like to either bring something from home or pick up something from a nearby establishment. when i return this weekend, i will likely bring little snack plates for my girlfriends and i to tie us over until dinner.

i cannot recommend this place enough! and for those of you who are parents, it is definitely kid friendly.

if you choose to visit soon, don’t forget to let me know!

xoxo,

k. tap

sixty + stunning. happy birthday, mom!

this year has been full of milestones – many of my nearest and dearest are buying homes, starting businesses, tying the knot and having babies. there are multiple loved ones who have had huge birthdays – 30, 40 and 60. being able to celebrate with my friends and family is not something i take for granted. this made ringing in my mom’s 60th that much more special.

mommy + me

all my mom knew was that she wanted all of her favorite people in one place with good food, drinks flowing and dancing all night. we were definitely able to pull that off. it was nostalgic to have her party in the city she grew up in (quite literally down the street from where my grandfather still lives). as people poured in, there were friends from each place she worked, elementary, middle and high school, extended family members from oklahoma, friends of mine she has taken in as her own and of course, our immediate family.

papa + his girls

it meant the world to my mom and i to see my aunt and cousin walk in with papa (my grandfather). as we watch those that we love age, seeing them be able to celebrate means more than it ever did before. it was the sweetest seeing my mom’s friends (many of whom she’s known since 6th grade) run up to papa, embrace him and reminisce about the kind of home he and grammy built – one where everyone was welcomed. the memories made there have truly stood the test of time.

yvonne (my godmother), sheila, my mom and linda (my mom’s oldest friend 🤎)

my godmother and valentina (not pictured) were quick to contact me months before my mom’s birthday to ask how they could help me. from running errands in la i wouldn’t be able to do from the bay to helping with florals and setup, it truly couldn’t have happened without them. my godmother and mom honestly function more like sisters. linda and my mom had not seen each other since each of their 50th birthdays. watching them embrace brought tears to my eyes – it was like no time had passed. i know witnessing the way my mom and grandmother approached friendship over the years set the tone for how i approach mine – friends are truly your chosen family. seeing my mom’s friends show up for her by the dozen reiterated just that.

my godsister + me

it should come as no surprise that my godmother raised an amazing daughter. my godsister has pretty much been a built in best friend since birth. knowing i could count on her to help make my mom’s party special really took some of the pressure off and made it so much easier to enjoy the evening later on. i think the bartender would agree.

reens, mom, me + sam

when reens and sam not only agreed to do the balloon arch but to come down early to help set up to make the night a success, we were overjoyed. any time spent with them is the absolute best – whether we are in sweats on the sofa, exploring a new place, toasting at a boozy brunch or celebrating milestones together. they are those friends that consistently meet us where we are and we are so grateful for them.

anthony + me

anthony hands probably still smell like citrus after chopping hundreds of lemon and lime wedges for the bar. the irony? anthony doesn’t even drink. truly a testament of what you do for those you love. anthony and my mom have really the sweetest connection. she has always loved how powerful anthony is with a pen. my mom still speaks fondly about something he wrote when we were in undergrad. it was special to have him be there to help her celebrate.

pooh bear + me

my brother had been driving me crazy in the months leading up to my mom’s party. i am sure if you ask him, he would say the same thing about me. the wild thing about music is it’s ability to bring people together. the second we heard “wipe me down” by boosie, our eyes locked, we hashed it out on the dance floor, had the dj run it back and put on the remix (the only version worth listening to). men – if you don’t have a velvet shirt for fall/winter, go buy one immediately. pooh bear was an entire mood.

me, reens, ram ram + my godsister

you know it is a good party when your legs and feet are aching from dancing and your ribs and face are hurting from nonstop laughter and smiling. that is ALWAYS how i feel after night spent out with these three. while i love my nights in with each of them, the nights out are just as invigorating in a different way. the way each of them love my mom and me? unparalleled.

nick, mom, me + melissa

both nick and melissa are friends of mine my mom has adopted in the last five years. nick’s mom and my mom are birthday twins so the party being the day before both of their birthdays worked out wonderfully. melissa and my mom already loved one another but are trauma bonded after my covid stint a couple of years ago. it felt so good to be together for something celebratory with all of us in good health.

sam, reens, me, alexz + hashim

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again – the connections i made while working at the dealership were truly the best of any place i’ve ever worked. there has never been a workplace where i’ve been able to show up completely unfiltered and have nearly every person around me doing the exact same thing. my little bay babies came through and elevated the night with their energy (especially when anything by e40, too short or mac dre was on).

cheers!

there were more trips than i could count made to the bar to toast to/with the birthday girl. the night was exactly what i wanted for my mom – filled with limitless love and laughter. it is incredibly special to watch my mom step into 60 as the most confident, unapologetic and beautiful (both inside and out) version of herself. i truly think this will be her best decade yet.

cheers to another trip around the sun, mama bear. i love you so much!

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: showing up

between the laughter and tears of joy at my 33rd birthday celebration, i took a moment to speak to my family + friends who were present to express my deep sense of gratitude. without question, my love languages are quality time and acts of service. walking into a room full of people i love with my entire heart nearly knocked the wind out of me. once i gathered myself, i spoke about how each person was present for a reason, one being the reciprocity between us. sometimes, i think it is easy to take reciprocal relationships for granted. i certainly don’t at this stage in my life. it was beautiful to witness my people simply showing up for me.

“i love when someone shows up for you in the same way you do for them…that’s rare.”

in seeing this quote, i am fortunate that many people come to mind. someone who consistently knocks it out of the park is jaclyn. we’ve known each other for 15 years this fall. from living in the same dorm to working in psych research labs to being roommates after college to working together in residence life while in the same grad school program to being present for every major life event (graduations, weddings, big moves, funerals, birth of children, etc.) and now, both being therapists – jaclyn has ALWAYS had both the ability and the willingness to meet me exactly where i am. the added bonus of being in jaclyn’s life? being welcomed into her family as if they were my very own. we have grown closer even while our lives have been more full than what we knew we could each handle. somehow, we manage to fill one another’s cups. it is rare and i am grateful beyond belief.

jaclyn + i at her wedding in july ‘16

happy birthday, jaclyn. thank you for modeling that it is in fact possible to have it all – family, friends, health and wellness, an amazing private practice and so much more. i admire and love you more than i could ever describe. cheers to 33.

xoxo,

k. tap