Tag: intentionality

thought of the week: more matters than your intentions

happy sunday! i hope each of you is starting today off in a way that brings you peace. i am typing this from an incredibly comfortable bed with a gorgeous view of the city’s skyline and couldn’t be happier. i was desperately in need of a change of scenery and having a weekend where the only person i am responsible for is me (special shout out to my friend michael for watching misu this weekend!).

if you’ve been following along for awhile, you know that accountability isn’t a new topic (i would recommend watching some of my instagram lives to truly hear more thoughts on this). as both a therapist and just a person, i frequently notice the ways people skirt around taking accountability for harm caused by vocalizing their intentions. here are some examples:

1. “i didn’t tell you the whole story because i didn’t think you could handle it. i didn’t want to cause you additional stress or panic.” while the intention may have been to not cause stress or panic, you have now caused anger, hurt, frustration and are contributing to this person’s ability to trust others.

2. “i didn’t mean to offend you when commenting on how much better you look – i thought i was just complimenting you.” while compliments are often well intentioned, in stating how much better someone looks, you are implying how unattractive you may have found them before. you also may not know why or how this person is losing weight – maybe it is due to stress, illness, etc.

3. “i gave this person another chance because they said they’ve changed.” yes – i do believe in a person’s ability to change yet at the same time, the number of family members, friends and clients who end up even more hurt than before after handing out these extra chances like candy on halloween then being disappointed when the person they gave a second chance to NEVER showed a true commitment to change with ACTIONS is fucking wild. while your intentions might have been to be kind, to keep your family together, to exhibit patience, etc. if you are hurting yourself more in the end, you have to own your part in that.

these are just a few examples of why i chose this thought of the week:

i can only hold you accountable for your actions, no matter how good your intentions may be. -sonya teclai

do intentions matter? absolutely. are they the only thing that matter? absolutely not. your actions matter. the impact of your intentions matter.

what have your experiences been with both accountability and intentionality?

xoxo,

k.tap

32.

i cannot believe today is the last day of february. while january may have moved at a glacial pace, i feel like i blinked and february zoomed by.

while my 32nd birthday was on the 13th, my mom always taught me to celebrate birthdays for a full month. over the next week or so, i will be sharing about each of my birthday celebrations.

part one was on the 12th. i wanted to do an outdoor boozy brunch so naturally, we went to plate 38. it was sheer luck that the weather was even more gorgeous than anticipated. it was 81 degrees with the perfect little breeze. i honestly cannot remember the last time i had this many people i loved in one place – likely before the pandemic started. about 25 of us met to up to celebrate another trip around the sun. there were people present from all stages of my life – my immediate family, my extended family (all connected through my godmother), friends from elementary school, high school, college and my work family (both from the automotive industry and the education field). it made my heart incredibly full.

tj – aka my little big brother since he is 6’9”
hayley – recently did the math and realized we’ve known each other since 1997
drew – little brother from scu
ajaya (ram ram) – my aquarian bff
mama bear, auntie sheila, auntie rene, godmother, charm + my godsister
alan aka sonny
my godsister – been doing life together since 1990
reena, mama bear + mayra – true love is driving up from san diego through brutal traffic for brunch
reena totally makes me want blue hair all over again!
my convent cuties – these girls from my last job feel more like family now. also, if you love jumpsuits as much as i do, this loveappella number is currently on sale at nordstrom! while i am wearing it in olive, it also comes in a gorgeous burgundy.

my brother and his girlfriend took me out after brunch to continue the party. afterwards, the after after party was at my mom’s. then there was a pregame at my place before going out that night. *note to self – i am now 32 and not 22. my hangover on super bowl sunday highlighted that in a way i can hardly put into words. even still, the love i was surrounded with made it all worth it.

pooh bear 🤍
jordan 🤍
the only proof that i made it out the night of the 12th is this photo with annie

each birthday, i select a word to serve as my theme for the year. for 32, the word i selected is: intentionality. it is defined as the fact of being deliberate or purposive. after having a close call last year due to covid, i am intensely aware of how fragile life can be. to say it is important for me to be deliberate with my actions, purposive with my work and intentional about the relationships i pour into would be a gross understatement. each person present on the 12th was someone who showed up for me and/or my family during the time it was most needed last year. i am eternally grateful.

it is a beautiful thing to be able to tell the people you love that you love them while they are here to hear it. if there is any piece of advice i can give with my additional year of wisdom, it is to not wait another minute to say “i love you.”

what is something you plan to be more intentional about this year?

xoxo,

k. tap