thought of the week: put some of it down

happy friday, my loves! it has been a few weeks since i have blogged. typically, i might apologize for that but i certainly will not be today. there have been so many transitions happening. from watching my first set of freshmen graduate over memorial day weekend to having a sick grandfather (and the family drama that goes along with that) to transitioning to a new job, all while trying to pay attention to my health and wellness, i have been overwhelmed. i was scrambling to get everything in order before leaving to mexico for the week. the thing i was most adamant about was being sure all of my client notes and files were completely finished. then on monday, i had this moment of clarity.

why am i putting pressure on myself to get something done that will be waiting on me when i return? a couple of months ago, when i went to puerto rico, i spent a full day working remotely. and while it felt good to put a dent in my work, as soon as i got back to the grind, i fell back behind. and you know what i ended up being regretful about? it wasn’t about falling behind – it was about not enjoying that day in puerto rico with my friends. i had earned that time off. why not enjoy it fully?

with me working in mental health within the school system, i get a chunk of summer off. why not use a few days post vacation to catch up? who is going to punish me for being behind on notes that are due to no one except for me? why am i holding myself to these insane standards as if i haven’t served a community desperately in need amidst a pandemic?

something had to fucking give.

after plowing through administrative meetings on monday and doing personal training both monday and tuesday, i hopped on my flight wednesday morning to head to mexico. but something happened to me on tuesday once i finally made peace with my decision and it was incredible. this quote was a reminder of just that.

“what you’ve been trying to carry is too heavy for you. put some of it down. take a break. relax your shoulders. unclench your jaws and fists. take a few deep breaths. you’re going to be okay.” -faith broussard cade

tuesday, i was wiped out. i felt too tired to drive to personal training but didn’t want to miss my session. we were wrapping up our third month together and i am feeling/seeing the shifts in my body and spirit. i went out on a limb to text my trainer to see if we could start later so i could squeeze in a 60 minute nap. she happily agreed. later on, i felt proud driving home from my session and that evening, couldn’t place what was happening. after a trip to the restroom, i realized my period was starting. i had a few thoughts. the first was that this explains why i was even more wiped out than i could put into words. the second was that this was inconvenient timing since i was leaving for mexico just a few hours later. but the last and most important one was that this is the first period i have had that has been completely natural (without intervention from my ob) and normal (flow and pain wise) in years.

the second i put down what i was carrying and after a few months of treating my body better, in return, my body is treating me beautifully. so on this friday, i invite you to:

“put some of it down.

take a break.

relax your shoulders.

unclench your jaws and fists.

take a few deep breaths.”

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: making people uncomfortable

we might be in a different month but i am still obsessing over “more than enough” by elaine welteroth. i find myself referencing gems from her book over and over again in session with clients.

most recently, i was working with a young woman who apologizes quite frequently. she apologizes when she is voicing her opinion. she apologizes when she disagrees with someone else. she apologizes for simply being who she is. we have been doing a great deal of work to explore where that comes from. what exactly is she sorry for? who does she find herself most frequently apologizing to? the answer was simple: she is sorry if anyone is perceived as being uncomfortable or inconvenienced and she most frequently apologizes to her father (and any other authority figure). i had to read her this line…

“women aren’t taught to get comfortable with making people uncomfortable.” -elaine welteroth

in hearing it, she was stunned. there was this realization that her father would not even consider apologizing when necessary, much less because someone else was slightly uncomfortable. why had she been conditioned to do so? she put getting more comfortable with making people uncomfortable on her summer to do list. as she preps to leave for college, i couldn’t think of anything better.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: discovering what you don’t want

when i was in both undergrad and grad school, there was an incredible focus on what did we want to do with all of this knowledge we had acquired. what were the next steps? how would we have an impact on society? what would be our lasting contribution? what do we want out of life? and yes, each of those are important things to think about. it certainly has helped steer me in the right direction. but still, there is something missing from that equation and elaine welteroth, author of “more than enough” (and total badass) hit the nail on the head.

“discovering what you don’t want is just as important as finding out what you do.” -elaine welteroth

as i prepare to take the next step in my career, i have come to realize that while i knew so much about what i wanted, i didn’t realize what i didn’t want until i did a true analysis of my current position alongside my future position. while i will do a deeper dive about this next step on my instagram live this sunday, just know that you are worth the investment it takes to discover both what you want and don’t want. and if you haven’t done so already, order a copy of “more than enough” here.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: the beauty in being you

since turning 31, i have been feeling this greater sense of confidence. i am feeling the most comfortable i’ve ever felt in my own skin. there is this unapologetic vibe that has taken over and it is so freeing. i have been showing up in spaces as my truest self and the doors that are opening are unreal. it is beautiful to witness.

this quote sums it up perfectly…

“i can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.” -emma stone

fearlessness is beautiful.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: give yourself grace

tonight’s post is short and sweet.

i had been beating myself up for being tired all week. after a much needed facetime call with my friend michelle this morning, i realized how intense the last few weeks have been. this week specifically was totally draining at work, i started training with my wellness coach (that deserves its own post – my mom compared my walk to tinman from wizard of oz), there were back to back nights where i didn’t even log four hours of sleep and in two days, it is the anniversary of my uncle’s death. any of the aforementioned on its own would be a lot but all together? intense doesn’t begin to describe it.

after getting home from brunch with an old friend from high school, i immediately changed into pajamas and just sat. i truly needed to just do nothing. it reminded me of this quote i stumbled across last month from faith broussard cade:

“instead of: ‘i feel so lazy for being exhausted all the time.’ try: ‘i’m grateful for my body’s natural ability to perceive when it needs rest.’ give yourself grace.”

tonight, i am giving myself grace.

xoxo,

k. tap