Tag: thought of the week

thought of the week: say, “i love you”

happy monday! this month, my spirit has been filled with so much love and joy that i could have literally burst. in recapping our birthdays, anj (who i also refer to as “twin”) and i couldn’t help but think about how grateful we both were for the ways in which our friends showed up for us. while i plan on posting a full birthday recap along with my theme for 34 on the last day of this month, i thought it was fitting that i stumbled across this quote on anj’s birthday a couple of weeks ago (on the 10th).

“dear me, say ‘i love you’ to your friends sincerely and often. love, me”

while words of affirmation are something i have to consciously work at, something i have gotten great at over the years is telling my friends that i love them. whether they are leaving my apartment, we are hanging up a facetime call or we are hugging each other before leaving a restaurant, i make sure to tell my friends i love them. i want them to know how much they mean to me, what they bring to my life and that i do not take them or their presence for granted. in many ways, my blog post on thursday will be a love letter to myself for making it through 33 and to my friends for walking alongside me the entire way. i couldn’t love them more.

when is the last time you told the members of your inner circle you loved them? and no, i don’t just mean on their birthdays or when a tragedy has taken place – how often do you tell your friends you love them? call or text a friend that you love tomorrow and share this with them. tell me how it goes!

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: it’s simple.

you guys – february is in two days. somehow, january has been both the shortest and longest month ever. while i am in disbelief that we are rapidly approaching february, the days have been so packed that each day feels like two days. with february being a month centered around love, especially romantic relationships, i have been asked to do some mental health programming around healthy relationships at the university where i work. while i already have a slide deck prepared and a healthy relationship assessment for students to take, i typically like to have simple takeaways for them. this quote i saw last month will be one of those takeaways – it is so simple yet so critical.

if you’re doing the work, you deserve to be with someone who is also doing the work. it’s simple. -sara kuburic (millennial therapist)

when it comes to relationships of any kind, but especially romantic ones, don’t shortchange yourself by being with someone who is emotionally stunted without a growth mindset if you are someone who is actively doing the work. no matter how much work you do, it will not be enough to offset what someone else is not doing. don’t exhaust yourself by pouring into people who are not able to pour into you or even pour into themselves. it really is simple.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: you deserve gratitude and appreciation, too.

happy sunday and happy new year! i hope january is off to a smooth start for each of you. while i typically view my birthday as the start of my own personal new year, january has felt more significant in the last few years. in fact, today marks five years since i started this blog. we’ve covered everything from travel to grief to favorite recipes to fashion to my journey with covid and everything in between.

a few things that stand out for me as a blogger are:

1. eternal gratitude for the community i have been able to find online

2. an incredibly healthy creative outlet

3. the ability to see all that i’ve conquered in the last five years

in reading through some posts from the last few years, it feels incredibly important to give myself credit for making it to the other side, especially as an even better version of myself. i saw this quote some months back and had it in my favorites folder. i couldn’t think of a better way to kick off the new year than with this attitude:

“today i will show myself gratitude and appreciation for surviving the days that didn’t think i’d make it through.” #fleurdelisspeaks

how are you showing yourself gratitude and appreciation? you deserve both.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: more matters than your intentions

happy sunday! i hope each of you is starting today off in a way that brings you peace. i am typing this from an incredibly comfortable bed with a gorgeous view of the city’s skyline and couldn’t be happier. i was desperately in need of a change of scenery and having a weekend where the only person i am responsible for is me (special shout out to my friend michael for watching misu this weekend!).

if you’ve been following along for awhile, you know that accountability isn’t a new topic (i would recommend watching some of my instagram lives to truly hear more thoughts on this). as both a therapist and just a person, i frequently notice the ways people skirt around taking accountability for harm caused by vocalizing their intentions. here are some examples:

1. “i didn’t tell you the whole story because i didn’t think you could handle it. i didn’t want to cause you additional stress or panic.” while the intention may have been to not cause stress or panic, you have now caused anger, hurt, frustration and are contributing to this person’s ability to trust others.

2. “i didn’t mean to offend you when commenting on how much better you look – i thought i was just complimenting you.” while compliments are often well intentioned, in stating how much better someone looks, you are implying how unattractive you may have found them before. you also may not know why or how this person is losing weight – maybe it is due to stress, illness, etc.

3. “i gave this person another chance because they said they’ve changed.” yes – i do believe in a person’s ability to change yet at the same time, the number of family members, friends and clients who end up even more hurt than before after handing out these extra chances like candy on halloween then being disappointed when the person they gave a second chance to NEVER showed a true commitment to change with ACTIONS is fucking wild. while your intentions might have been to be kind, to keep your family together, to exhibit patience, etc. if you are hurting yourself more in the end, you have to own your part in that.

these are just a few examples of why i chose this thought of the week:

i can only hold you accountable for your actions, no matter how good your intentions may be. -sonya teclai

do intentions matter? absolutely. are they the only thing that matter? absolutely not. your actions matter. the impact of your intentions matter.

what have your experiences been with both accountability and intentionality?

xoxo,

k.tap

thought of the week: showing up

between the laughter and tears of joy at my 33rd birthday celebration, i took a moment to speak to my family + friends who were present to express my deep sense of gratitude. without question, my love languages are quality time and acts of service. walking into a room full of people i love with my entire heart nearly knocked the wind out of me. once i gathered myself, i spoke about how each person was present for a reason, one being the reciprocity between us. sometimes, i think it is easy to take reciprocal relationships for granted. i certainly don’t at this stage in my life. it was beautiful to witness my people simply showing up for me.

“i love when someone shows up for you in the same way you do for them…that’s rare.”

in seeing this quote, i am fortunate that many people come to mind. someone who consistently knocks it out of the park is jaclyn. we’ve known each other for 15 years this fall. from living in the same dorm to working in psych research labs to being roommates after college to working together in residence life while in the same grad school program to being present for every major life event (graduations, weddings, big moves, funerals, birth of children, etc.) and now, both being therapists – jaclyn has ALWAYS had both the ability and the willingness to meet me exactly where i am. the added bonus of being in jaclyn’s life? being welcomed into her family as if they were my very own. we have grown closer even while our lives have been more full than what we knew we could each handle. somehow, we manage to fill one another’s cups. it is rare and i am grateful beyond belief.

jaclyn + i at her wedding in july ‘16

happy birthday, jaclyn. thank you for modeling that it is in fact possible to have it all – family, friends, health and wellness, an amazing private practice and so much more. i admire and love you more than i could ever describe. cheers to 33.

xoxo,

k. tap