Month: January 2019

bouquets to brighten up your space

today, you are going to get another peek at my apartment.  my post on gabrielle union’s book, we’re going to need more wine, showed a tiny portion of my living room with this cute little gold end table from target.  as time goes on, i will feature more and more of my apartment.

 

because the rooms i spend the most time in are my living room (to lounge and eat), dining room (to work and when i am hosting) and my kitchen (to cook daily), those are the rooms i care about the most, at least aesthetically.  i am fortunate to have a landlord that encouraged me to paint my space a color that suited my style.  while i did not paint my kitchen or the bedrooms, i did paint my living room and dining room a soft gray and it definitely makes my time spent in those spaces more enjoyable.  something that makes my time spent in my kitchen more enjoyable is a fresh bouquet of flowers.

 

fullsizeoutput_4e4f

 

these stunning cream colored roses (a dozen) costed $6.99 at trader joe’s.  it is rare for someone to enter my home and not comment on my bouquet(s).  what i have realized is that so many people associate flowers with a special occasion, in addition to thinking flowers are more expensive than they actually are.  let me tell you something – every single day is a special occasion and you are worth far more than $6.99.  look at how this bouquet totally brightens up my space:

 

fullsizeoutput_4e57.jpeg

 

by the way, the more posts i do about my home, the more elephants you will see.  this adorable wine holder (gifted to me by my amazing friend, jaclyn) can be found here.  if you are looking for something to do with all of those corks from wine nights, you can find a similar display case here.  my work wife, reens, bought me the one above.  it actually has a space for a photo and i had planned on adding one of reens and i wine tasting but i needed a place to place my corks before i could print the photo.

 

the next time you are at the market, grab a bouquet to brighten up your space. you won’t regret it.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

p.s. on day four or five, cut the stems about an inch at a slant and switch the water – you should get about five days out of the bouquet

weekend uniform

happy friday to all of you.  lord knows it has been one hell of a week over in these parts and i could not be more grateful for this three day weekend (and to not have to wake up to the sound of an alarm for the next few days).

anyway, i do not know if any of you can relate but in looking at pictures of myself (both on the gram and just in general), i have noticed some patterns in what i tend to have on. it is as if i have a weekend uniform.  to give you some background, i wore a uniform to school every single day from 1992 to 2007 so perhaps this is why as an adult who has actual choices, i will purchase the same article of clothing in a variety of colors and switch up an accessory, a shoe or an outer layer of clothing.

for the last year, i have been incredibly into t-shirt dresses, cardigans or denim shirts (as a first outer layer) and a faux fur vest or army cargo jacket (as a second outside layer).  weather dependent, i could be rocking a gladiator, a converse or a bootie.  i would say the two retailers that get the bulk of my coins are nordstrom and asos.  the third is forever a rotation between forever 21, target, torrid and cute little boutiques (my favorite one being ibiss in the willow glen neighborhood of san jose, ca).

 

1-2

photo cred: gracelyn bateman – check out her instagram!

 

this exact t-shirt dress from asos is sold out but here are a couple others like it:

1.

2.

my cardigan is from forever 21 – i also have it in oxblood.  here is one that is similar.

my cargo jacket is from nordstrom – i copped it during the anniversary sale for like, $80 – here is one similar (mine has coral stitching instead of red stitching but it is by the same brand).

*all three of the aforementioned retailers carry sizes 0 to 3x – i will do my best to post places that are size inclusive.

and you can find a classic pair of converse virtually anywhere – mine are pretty beat up from countless music festivals and shows, but that is why i love them.

do you have a weekend uniform? if so, what is it? let me know in the comments below.

cheers to the weekend!

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

thought of the week: my growth owes you no apologies.

although it may not seem like it, the social media site i enjoy most is twitter.  it removes the fluff and just gets straight to the point.  there are also a ton of brilliant twitter users who share ideas on politics and social issues, beautiful poetry, causes we should be made aware of, the best place to get a f*ck donald trump shirt, and the list goes on…

 

one of the best people i discovered on twitter was billy chapata, an atlanta based  writer/poet/author who constantly makes me feel like he is preaching the most (often heartbreakingly) beautiful sermon directly at me.  recently, he posted something and it just stuck with me:

 

fullsizeoutput_4e1a

 

there were multiple parts of this that stood out to me.  the first was just looking at how many times the word “sorry” was used.  it made me ask myself how often i was apologizing for things i really had no business apologizing for.  i think this is something many of us can relate to but when i thought about the people in my inner circle, the people i hear apologizing most frequently are women.  so many of my girlfriends are constantly apologizing – to their families, their partners, their friends, their bosses – you name it, they are apologizing for it.  then, i thought to myself – “kristin, what are you typically apologizing for.”  the last line nearly jumped off the page and slapped me across the face.

 

“my growth owes you no apologies.”

 

growth.  i had been apologizing for growth.  i had been apologizing for not remaining stagnant.  i had been apologizing for challenging myself.  i had been apologizing for requiring reciprocity in all of my relationships.  i had been apologizing for needing to prioritize my own needs (and sanity, for that matter).  i had been apologizing for loving myself.

 

while i may not have been literally saying “i am sorry i need to prioritize my own needs”, when i would say “i am sorry i cannot make it to dinner on friday” and feel some type of guilt afterwards, i might as well have been apologizing for self-prioritization.  in 2015, i made a commitment to myself to say the word “no” more often.  “no” is a full sentence.  try it. no.

 

now, this was an adjustment.  not just for me but for those around me that had become ridiculously accustomed to me saying “yes” to absolutely everything, even if it meant running myself into the ground.  being that i was in grad school and working multiple jobs, something had to give.  i had an excellent boss (who is now more like an older sister), galina.  she asked us to set 10 intentions for the year and one of them had to deal with challenging yourself.  my challenge to myself was to use the word “no” more often.  by the end of 2015, i had mastered it.  i was like a two year old. it was oddly liberating but not quite freeing enough.  the true game changer was when i decided that for 2016, i would figure out how to remove the guilt associated with saying that oddly huge two letter word.  why was i feeling guilty about self-prioritization?

 

that shit had to stop.

 

ask yourself the following questions: what sense does it make to apologize for loving myself?  and furthermore, how can i properly love anyone else if i am not first doing it here, at home, with myself?  this realization, for me, was extraordinary.

 

do not apologize for growing (or outgrowing a person, place, job, situation, etc.).

 

 

myers briggs personality types

as someone who majored in psychology in undergrad, then went on to study counseling psychology in grad school, i have taken more personality assessments than i care to count.  some of them seemed like total bullshit – this includes ones that painted me in a “perfect” type of way.  one that has always seemed reliable (including shifting my results when i as a person shifted) was the myers briggs assessment.

 

there are 16 different personality types that are different combinations of the following letters: e or i (extrovert or introvert), n or s (intuitive or sensing), f or t (feeling or thinking) and j or p (judging or perceiving).

 

in administering this assessment to people who have worked for me, clients, friends, family and peers, the most common surprise is that first letter – e or i – extroversion or introversion. this seems to stem from the warped definition people have about these words.  for whatever reason, introversion gets a bad rap.  people seem to view introversion as being synonymous with being anti-social, closed off or even rude.  in reality, the true difference between extroverts and introverts is where people in each category get their energy from.  an extrovert recharges around others – that is what makes them feel alive.  an introvert recharges (best) alone – that is what makes them thrive in situations around others; it does not mean they do not enjoy socialization.  i would highly suggest giving this to people you work with if you find that you are having trouble communicating with one another or just as a fun team building exercise.  it has definitely been useful in helping me understand my friends and family members in a better way.

 

there are thought to be four categories that hold the different types of personalities:

  1. analysts (intj, intp, entj, entp)
  2. diplomats (infj, infp, enfj, enfp)
  3. explorers (istp, isfp, estp, esfp)
  4. sentinels (istj, isfj, estj, esfj)

 

i have taken the test on several different sites and just with pen + paper but my favorite place to take it (that offers the most thorough explanations of each type) is here.  this particular site offers a breakdown of each personality type in the following categories:  an introduction, strengths & weaknesses, emotions, romantic relationships, friendships, parenthood, career paths, workplace habits and a sweet little conclusion to wrap it all up.

 

fullsizeoutput_4e0e

 

if you couldn’t tell by how thoroughly i explained how misunderstood the people who are introverts can be, my personality type is intj – that falls under the analyst category and is often described as the architect of the bunch; us intjs are strategic and have a plan for absolutely everything.  anyone on here that knows me personally can vouch for me when i say i absolutely love planning, organization, color coding and anything that can streamline a process.  intj is the most rare personality type (only 2% of the population and only 0.8% of women).

 

there are wonderful things about this personality type that ring true for me and there are also areas i am constantly trying to work on about this personality type that could not be more accurate.  some of those wonderful things include: confidence, ability and willingness to question everything, hard working and a person who can wear multiple hats with ease.  some of the not so wonderful things are: being overly analytical (sometimes, to my detriment), passing judgment (outside of my role as a therapist) and my strong disdain for overly (or unnecessarily, in my opinion) structured environments with no room for movement and/or improvement.  some public figures you may know who share my personality type are: elon musk, michelle obama, friedrich nietzsche, gandalf (from lord of the rings – we can discuss my obsession with this at a later time).

 

to read more about my complex personality, click here.

 

i would love to hear what you think about the assessment and your results! share them with me in the comments section.

 

xoxo,

k.tap

we’re going to need more wine

i am fully aware that three out of my five posts on here mention or show wine – welcome to my world.

 

a book i would highly suggest you reading before the month is over is: we’re going to need more wine by gabrielle union.  now, i have been a fan of gabby’s since the 90s – i first saw her in “7th heaven” as one of mary (jessica biel’s) best friends and was just elated to see someone who looked like me on my favorite show.  i was then captivated by her role in “she’s all that” and by 2000, she was my movie idol after seeing her in “bring it on”, a cult classic.  as i have grown and matured, she has done the same.  most recently, i was impressed with seeing a different side of her in “being mary jane” – a show that truly captures what a working woman of color goes through both in and outside of work.  the show and her character, was so raw and real.  it made me wonder if that is how she was in real life – could she have some of these things in common with her character on “being mary jane”? – the answer is a definite yes.

 

i zipped through the 262 pages in less than 48 hours during a work week. there is a message to be found in this book for every single woman and an even deeper set of messages for a black woman such as myself.  i just counted how many of those blue post-its i tabbed the book with – there were 13!

onc3uwmhsmem2jvtiq+4yg

 

whether gabby was discussing the first time she was called the n-word in elementary school by a classmate (something i am all too familiar with), the instances where she would put on an act as the “token black girl”, the way she unapologetically embraces her sexuality (along with not being afraid to ask for what she wants in the bedroom), diving into the touchier topics like the struggles darker skinned black women go through in finding an amazing black man to date – colorism is alive and fucking well in our community (we can talk about that in another post), or how to parent black boys (and the complicated, adult-like conversations that have to be had when raising a black boy) in today’s society; there is no subject she touched on that i could not relate to.

 

this book is the perfect one to read while curled up on your couch with a glass of wine and an even better book to discuss with your girlfriends.  get yourself a copy of the “we’re going to need more wine” here.