thought of the week: change is on you

happy friday, lovelies!  any fun plans for the holiday weekend?  even though i have multiple work commitments this weekend, including graduation, i am happy to be hosting my dear friend, alan, this weekend.  we will definitely be sprinkling some fun in between these work events.

 

i was really struggling between two thoughts of the week and when reading them both aloud to alan, the one below was his fave so you all can thank him for that.

 

in my work with my clients, in conversations with friends and working through issues within my own family, there is this common theme of trying to force people to change who they are.  and as much as we may all want that, that is not a realistic approach.  it also is not a fair approach.  it is not realistic to expect someone to change who they are if that is not something that they themselves are not interested in.  it also is not fair to ask someone to compromise part of their being for you.  wouldn’t it be more beneficial to either adjust our own expectations or adjust our dealings with the person?

 

this quote really highlights the adjustments that maybe we are avoiding:

 

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“stop forcing change on people and change how you deal with them…”

 

as opposed to expecting someone to change and being disappointed when the change does not occur, i think the responsibility and accountability should be shifted.  it is on us to decide whether or not we are going to deal with someone in the same capacity as before if there are fundamental issues either with them or with the relationship as a whole.  it is easier to choose to move them into a different category in our lives and/or reduce their significance than it is to force them to change if that is not something that interests them.

 

i thought about how much time i wasted in my early 20s trying to change people when i should’ve been channeling that energy into bettering myself and into people who already gelled with who i was/am as a person.

 

change is really on me, not on them.

 

are you someone that forces change onto others or do you change how you deal with others?

 

xoxo,

k.tap

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