if you know me well, you know that i love birthdays.  i view my birthday as the start of the new year and as a result, tend to do a ton of reflecting around that time.  while my birthday is not until february, i am already planning for this upcoming year because it is a big one.

i am turning 30.

let’s rewind a decade: if you would have asked me where i saw myself at 30, i would have said that i would be raising at least one child and working as a therapist while living near pasadena.  now, let’s rewind two years ago: i would have said all of the aforementioned + being married.

my half birthday just passed so we are less than six months out.  while i am working as a therapist and living near pasadena, i am not married or expecting a child anytime soon.  i feel like i have over 100 kids working at a high school.  i think it is easy to focus on the things that haven’t been accomplished versus the things that have.  with a good chunk of my friends being engaged or married, i am very aware that i am not in a relationship.  i am also aware that me being single plays into the difficulty of having a child.  i think if you would have asked me at 27 if i would be happy at 29 if both the relationship and child boxes were left unchecked, i would have said that them being unchecked just was not an option.

i have done a great deal of work letting go of the hard deadlines that both society and i had placed on myself.  not only has the world kept spinning without those two boxes being checked, i have accomplished more than i thought was possible by 29.  some of those accomplishments would not have been possible with a partner or a child.  using some of the same gentleness i use with my clients on myself has been incredibly beneficial.

this quote reminded me of said gentleness:

“when your head hits the pillow tonight, remind yourself that you’ve done a good job.  be patient with yourself, and remember that big things are achieved not all at once, but one day at a time.”

getting two degrees took time.  making my way back to la after a decade in the bay took time.  launching this blog took time.  the work i have done on myself has taken/is taking time.  anything else magnificent will also take time.

i am still doing a kickass job.  you are, too.

xoxo,

k. tap