if you know me well, you know that i love birthdays. i view my birthday as the start of the new year and as a result, tend to do a ton of reflecting around that time. while my birthday is not until february, i am already planning for this upcoming year because it is a big one.
i am turning 30.
let’s rewind a decade: if you would have asked me where i saw myself at 30, i would have said that i would be raising at least one child and working as a therapist while living near pasadena. now, let’s rewind two years ago: i would have said all of the aforementioned + being married.
my half birthday just passed so we are less than six months out. while i am working as a therapist and living near pasadena, i am not married or expecting a child anytime soon. i feel like i have over 100 kids working at a high school. i think it is easy to focus on the things that haven’t been accomplished versus the things that have. with a good chunk of my friends being engaged or married, i am very aware that i am not in a relationship. i am also aware that me being single plays into the difficulty of having a child. i think if you would have asked me at 27 if i would be happy at 29 if both the relationship and child boxes were left unchecked, i would have said that them being unchecked just was not an option.
i have done a great deal of work letting go of the hard deadlines that both society and i had placed on myself. not only has the world kept spinning without those two boxes being checked, i have accomplished more than i thought was possible by 29. some of those accomplishments would not have been possible with a partner or a child. using some of the same gentleness i use with my clients on myself has been incredibly beneficial.
this quote reminded me of said gentleness:
“when your head hits the pillow tonight, remind yourself that you’ve done a good job. be patient with yourself, and remember that big things are achieved not all at once, but one day at a time.”
getting two degrees took time. making my way back to la after a decade in the bay took time. launching this blog took time. the work i have done on myself has taken/is taking time. anything else magnificent will also take time.
i am still doing a kickass job. you are, too.