if you know me well, you know that i love birthdays.  i view my birthday as the start of the new year and as a result, tend to do a ton of reflecting around that time.  while my birthday is not until february, i am already planning for this upcoming year because it is a big one.

 

i am turning 30.

 

let’s rewind a decade: if you would have asked me where i saw myself at 30, i would have said that i would be raising at least one child and working as a therapist while living near pasadena.  now, let’s rewind two years ago: i would have said all of the aforementioned + being married.

 

my half birthday just passed so we are less than six months out.  while i am working as a therapist and living near pasadena, i am not married or expecting a child anytime soon.  i feel like i have over 100 kids working at a high school.  i think it is easy to focus on the things that haven’t been accomplished versus the things that have.  with a good chunk of my friends being engaged or married, i am very aware that i am not in a relationship.  i am also aware that me being single plays into the difficulty of having a child.  i think if you would have asked me at 27 if i would be happy at 29 if both the relationship and child boxes were left unchecked, i would have said that them being unchecked just was not an option.

 

i have done a great deal of work letting go of the hard deadlines that both society and i had placed on myself.  not only has the world kept spinning without those two boxes being checked, i have accomplished more than i thought was possible by 29.  some of those accomplishments would not have been possible with a partner or a child.  using some of the same gentleness i use with my clients on myself has been incredibly beneficial.

 

this quote reminded me of said gentleness:

 

 

“when your head hits the pillow tonight, remind yourself that you’ve done a good job.  be patient with yourself, and remember that big things are achieved not all at once, but one day at a time.”

 

getting two degrees took time.  making my way back to la after a decade in the bay took time.  launching this blog took time.  the work i have done on myself has taken/is taking time.  anything else magnificent will also take time.

 

i am still doing a kickass job.  you are, too.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

tomorrow is my first full day of work as a school counselor and i cannot believe it is the start of my third year in this role.  while half of the time, i am doing academic counseling, the other half of the time is devoted to personal counseling.  i definitely fulfill the roles of a helper and a healer.  with that being said, i know that because i do not wear my heart on my sleeve, there is a ton that i do not come out and say.  when i saw this post on instagram recently, i thought it was worth sharing, especially for those of you who are in roles and helpers and healers.

 

 

“healers have tough days.

healers have boundaries.

healers can say ‘no.’

healers can say ‘i’m not the healer for you.’

healers need time to heal.”

-liana naima

 

i think it is important to acknowledge that some days will be rougher than others, especially as a counselor.  i have already been doing a ton of work on using the word ‘no’ and creating healthier boundaries but something i need to work on (mainly in my personal life) is verbalizing to some family and friends that i am not the healer for them. this summer was great for me because i took time to just focus on me and that included some healing.

 

what parts of this beautiful quote resonate with you?  what part would be the most difficult?

 

xoxo,

k. tap