Category: head + heart

thought of the week: thank you for loving each version of me

last week, my very first college roommate turned best friend, turned 35. marilena was someone i immediately clicked with and i felt so grateful to be randomly paired with someone perfectly suited for me. to be honest, when i think back to our hall freshman year, it was filled to the brim with people i feel so blessed to know and love. now that marilena is back in the bay, we did a weekend of celebrating and it was the best.

on friday, marilena, makensy, jackie and i circled back to glow to make candles and it was so much fun.

makensy’s tile setup

after glow, we went to dinner at zazil on santana row. the drink that we had to have more than one of was the pintado de rosa. there is something about the balance of the fresh strawberry puree with the citrus and tequila that is just next level.

pintado de rosa

on saturday, marilena’s family hosted a dinner party for about 15 of us with the most delicious traditional mexican food and great cocktails. while we ended up at a bar after dinner and makensy and i kept marilena and jared up for hours once returning to their home, my favorite part of the night was when all of the women were gathered in one room after dinner. sonya (marilena’s cousin) spoke about what marilena meant to her and how wonderful it is to go from having marilena be her flower girl to them being friends as adults. sonya opened up the floor for many of us to share. a theme i couldn’t help but notice as women across generations spoke about marilena is how she has encouraged growth in each of us – we are all better for knowing her. there were many points where i glanced across the room at marilena, makensy and jackie and was in disbelief that this september will mark SEVENTEEN years of us knowing and loving one another. when i think of who we each were when walking into santa clara’s campus as 17 and 18 year olds, it is truly wild. in taking time to think of the plethora of versions of each of us that have existed between then and now, it is heartwarming to know that the love and connection has just grown deeper. while it isn’t a guarantee, it is true for us and made me think of this quote i stumbled across back in january:

there is something so beautiful about having long-term friends that have witnessed multiple versions of you and loved you unconditionally through each version.

man. nothing compares to being loved unconditionally by people who have seen you at your highest of highs and lowest of lows. marilena has truly seen me through it all and has taught me how to not only show up for others, but how to show up for myself. that isn’t something i take for granted.

marilena + me at mumm napa

on sunday, marilena, makensy and i did a day trip to napa. we started at domaine carneros, swung over to madonna estate, all toasted to marilena and our 17 year anniversary at mumm and wrapped with dinner at rh yountville.

sparkling flight – domaine carneros
pinot noir flight – domaine carneros

the weekend was jam packed and i wouldn’t change a thing. i was reminded all weekend why these women are part of my chosen family.

tell me about someone who has loved you unconditionally through many versions of you!

xoxo,

k. tap

34.

each year, i select a word as my theme for my personal new year. after much reflection, going into 34, i chose my word: calm.

with every curveball thrown my way during 33, i focused on “controlling the controllables” (as my coach from grit and gratitude fitness frequently reminds me to do) and something i realized now more than ever is the importance of remaining calm no matter the intensity of the storm. it has served me incredibly well.

during 33, my word of the year was reciprocity. while i could only fit 10 photos on instagram (i was certain to include more here), everyone that helped me celebrate (whether it was in bottle service, at a boozy brunch, over a spectacular dinner or in napa) reiterated the importance of reciprocal relationships and aid in me being my calmest self.

on friday, the 9th, i was determined to dip back into bay area night life. dancing all night at nova in san jose followed by late night nachos at la vic’s brought me back to my early 20s. 10 out of 10 would recommend.

saturday, the 10th, was so life giving. we did a bottomless mimosa brunch at straits followed by espresso martinis at el jardin. for any of you that are new to my love languages, words of affirmation is pretty low on the list. i used to cringe when receiving them and have worked extensively on being better at just being open to being loved out loud. i wasn’t ready for when theo had each person go around and say their favorite thing about me. it definitely got emotional for many – i wouldn’t change a fucking thing.

sunday, the 11th, was so damn sweet. i did a solo coffee date with my twin, anj. next, we did a girly brunch in livermore followed by wine tasting at concannon. i wrapped the day with anj at her bff’s house (blythe is the best host!) and got to spend some time with my nephew.

monday, one of my oldest friends booked a reservation at my family’s favorite steakhouse without even knowing that info ahead of time. if you haven’t been to mastro’s, run – don’t walk. anthony knocked it out of the park.

i kicked off my actual birthday on tuesday, the 13th, with coffee with my fellow therapist and soul sister, jaclyn and her youngest son. it was the perfect start to the day. i ended with a late night happy hour at yard house with a coworker turned friend, wilson.

i wrapped up the celebrations on presidents’ day in napa with my fellow aquarian queen and a couple of our girls. we started off with brunch at rh yountville followed by wine tasting at mumm, madonna estate and domaine carneros. we wrapped the day at celadon for dinner. it was truly the perfect day.

few things compare to entering my big diesel year (for my fellow lakers fans) surrounded by being loved in my love languages (quality time and acts of service) and feeling more grounded than i ever have in my adult life.

what is your theme word for your current year of life? or perhaps, your next year of life?

thank you for all of the wonderful birthday wishes – i truly love you all.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: say, “i love you”

happy monday! this month, my spirit has been filled with so much love and joy that i could have literally burst. in recapping our birthdays, anj (who i also refer to as “twin”) and i couldn’t help but think about how grateful we both were for the ways in which our friends showed up for us. while i plan on posting a full birthday recap along with my theme for 34 on the last day of this month, i thought it was fitting that i stumbled across this quote on anj’s birthday a couple of weeks ago (on the 10th).

“dear me, say ‘i love you’ to your friends sincerely and often. love, me”

while words of affirmation are something i have to consciously work at, something i have gotten great at over the years is telling my friends that i love them. whether they are leaving my apartment, we are hanging up a facetime call or we are hugging each other before leaving a restaurant, i make sure to tell my friends i love them. i want them to know how much they mean to me, what they bring to my life and that i do not take them or their presence for granted. in many ways, my blog post on thursday will be a love letter to myself for making it through 33 and to my friends for walking alongside me the entire way. i couldn’t love them more.

when is the last time you told the members of your inner circle you loved them? and no, i don’t just mean on their birthdays or when a tragedy has taken place – how often do you tell your friends you love them? call or text a friend that you love tomorrow and share this with them. tell me how it goes!

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: it’s simple.

you guys – february is in two days. somehow, january has been both the shortest and longest month ever. while i am in disbelief that we are rapidly approaching february, the days have been so packed that each day feels like two days. with february being a month centered around love, especially romantic relationships, i have been asked to do some mental health programming around healthy relationships at the university where i work. while i already have a slide deck prepared and a healthy relationship assessment for students to take, i typically like to have simple takeaways for them. this quote i saw last month will be one of those takeaways – it is so simple yet so critical.

if you’re doing the work, you deserve to be with someone who is also doing the work. it’s simple. -sara kuburic (millennial therapist)

when it comes to relationships of any kind, but especially romantic ones, don’t shortchange yourself by being with someone who is emotionally stunted without a growth mindset if you are someone who is actively doing the work. no matter how much work you do, it will not be enough to offset what someone else is not doing. don’t exhaust yourself by pouring into people who are not able to pour into you or even pour into themselves. it really is simple.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: you deserve gratitude and appreciation, too.

happy sunday and happy new year! i hope january is off to a smooth start for each of you. while i typically view my birthday as the start of my own personal new year, january has felt more significant in the last few years. in fact, today marks five years since i started this blog. we’ve covered everything from travel to grief to favorite recipes to fashion to my journey with covid and everything in between.

a few things that stand out for me as a blogger are:

1. eternal gratitude for the community i have been able to find online

2. an incredibly healthy creative outlet

3. the ability to see all that i’ve conquered in the last five years

in reading through some posts from the last few years, it feels incredibly important to give myself credit for making it to the other side, especially as an even better version of myself. i saw this quote some months back and had it in my favorites folder. i couldn’t think of a better way to kick off the new year than with this attitude:

“today i will show myself gratitude and appreciation for surviving the days that didn’t think i’d make it through.” #fleurdelisspeaks

how are you showing yourself gratitude and appreciation? you deserve both.

xoxo,

k. tap