thought of the week: do you, boo.

over the last few days, i have had multiple conversations both on the phone and via text with one of my oldest and closest friends. i have been able to bear witness to his evolution over the last decade plus and it has been absolutely phenomenal. the last two years have been especially critical.

i watched him end two incredibly unhealthy relationships with partners, advocate for himself in the workplace, move into his first solo place (which really is a game changer – if you are not already married, i couldn’t suggest this more), start seeing a therapist on a regular basis, pour into the friendships that are pouring back into him and truly making an effort to set boundaries in other relationships of his life, specifically with family.

something we talked about today is this disconnect when you are doing the work on yourself and going through these sometimes painful but nearly always positive changes yet some of the people you’ve had relationships for decades not only aren’t doing the work but don’t even acknowledge that there is work to be done. a lot of feelings end up coming up for the person doing the work. first, i think the worker ends up feeling compelled to bring everyone on board. this isn’t noah’s ark and not everyone wants to get on board. then, the worker ends up being angry or frustrated that others aren’t doing the work. next, the worker almost feels badly for the others because the worker knows how much better life is when the work is being put in. but the best step is moving towards a combination between acceptance+indifference —> healthy distance. accept that everyone isn’t ready or willing to do the work and then don’t use energy on them that they won’t even use on themselves. this often leads to creating healthy distance between the worker and the others. doesn’t mean that the worker doesn’t love the others but the worker loves themselves enough to demand more. that brings me to my quote of the week…

“you will outgrow people when you start doing what is best for you.”

simple. to the point. ridiculously accurate.

here’s the thing: it doesn’t mean that outgrowing others isn’t uncomfortable or even painful at times, but from what i have seen in my friend’s life (who i mentioned above), the lives of my clients and even my own life, i have found that i am better off with the people left in my circle. and those people tend to be other workers who committed to self-improvement.

don’t forget to do what’s best for you.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: just say no

i spent years of my life saying ‘yes’ to things and people that really weren’t for me. sometimes, it was being done out of obligation. other times, it was out of expectation. i often wondered how i would be perceived if i did not constantly comply.

i eventually hit this breaking point and challenged myself to a full year of saying ‘no’ followed by a full year of removing the shame or guilt associated with saying ‘no’ – it was exhilarating.

here’s the piece i never talked about: in my transition to saying ‘no’ more often, i sometimes would say ‘maybe’ – why was that? i think it is because it sounded softer or nicer than saying ‘no’.

when i saw this quote, i laughed and cringed simultaneously. the laughter stemmed from being past this stage but the cringing? that stemmed from wondering about how many times i said ‘maybe’.

“don’t say ‘maybe’ if you want to say ‘no.'” -paulo coelho

not only do i love the simplicity of this message, but i love that it reiterates how the word ‘no’ is a full sentence. i plan on continuing to use it accordingly.

when’s the last time you said ‘maybe’ when you wanted to say ‘no’ and what motivated that choice?

xoxo,

k. tap

kreation with k.tap

yesterday, i was fortunate enough to get to reconnect with gigi, one of my friends i met in residence life while working at scu during grad school. one of the reasons why i used the word fortunate is because this girl has been traveling the world while teaching yoga so we have not been together in person for at least the last 2+ years. but hey, the best friends are those you can go awhile without seeing and pick up right where you left off.

we knew coffee was on the agenda but it had slipped my mind that gigi has been vegan for quite some time now. even being in la, not every place caters to different dietary needs. the first place we went to looked good but only offered an assortment of gourmet doughnuts with different types of coffee. i remembered passing a place just a couple of doors down that looked like it could accommodate both me and gigi. let me introduce you to kreation – a place i will definitely be going back to.

first things first – my vanilla latte was to die for. so much so that i had two (and this is as someone who no longer drinks caffeine daily). i appreciated that no matter your milk choice, the price of the latte is set.

the bruschetta was perfectly marinated and i enjoyed every single bite.

i am a sucker for a good yogurt dip. this one was zesty and the dill really popped.

all of their dips are served with this whole wheat lavash. i love how you still get the carb fix without it being as heavy as pita bread or as unhealthy as chips.

i had to snap a picture of their napkin because it truly embodies their mission of being an organic establishment without the consumer feeling deprived in the process. i truly felt like i indulged yet i consumed about half the calories i would at a happy hour. i was also floored with how reasonable their prices were. typically, it is more expensive to eat healthily and so this was a pleasant surprise.

even though both items i ordered did not have meat, there were several options that included meat, making this a great place for anyone, regardless of dietary restrictions.

there are several locations but we went to the one in venice in abbot kinney. the vibe was super cute yet relaxed and the customer service was great. 10/10 would return.

if you are in a hurry, they also accept to go orders online. this is something i will definitely consider the next time i am in venice to go to the beach as opposed to eating something i might later regret.

have you been to kreation? if so, what’s your favorite thing to order?

xoxo,

k.tap

blushing bridesmaid

something i have definitely appreciated about every wedding i have been in was the bride allowing each person in the bridal party to pick their own dress. while this may not seem like a big deal to some, unless all of your bridesmaids are similar in weight, height and shape, it is unlikely that the same dress is going to look equally flattering on each bridesmaid.

the wedding i was in most recently was for my dear friends, christine and karl. christine and i met in grad school and i do not know how i survived a casual 25 years of life without her.

photo cred: olivia smartt photography

one of the things that made the photos so beautiful (outside of olivia’s amazing skills and ability to direct us in a clear and concise way) was seeing each bridesmaid exude confidence in the dress they selected.

photo cred: olivia smartt photography

my dress was a convertible maxi dress from torrid. the color was dusty quartz, which really looked good against my chocolatey complexion. it also came in black and a deep merlot for those of you who are in weddings with a more sultry vibe. something i appreciated about this dress (in addition to the affordable price point of just under $120) is that i truly can wear it again. and when i wear it again, it can look like a completely different dress.

because the wedding was in the berkeley hills in winter, it was definitely chilly. i knew i had to have a faux fur coat for the occasion. i got it from asos and you can find the link in one of my previous posts about a winter weekend in san diego.

photo cred: olivia smartt photography

wedding photos are treasured for a lifetime. i am grateful to all of the brides in my life who wanted us to look our absolute best on their special day.

where have you purchased your bridesmaid dress(es)? were you allowed to select your own dress? i would love to hear about it.

xoxo,

k. tap