Tag: self care

thought of the week: getting what you need out of therapy

dana and i might both be la girls but we met in the bay during undergrad at scu. somehow, between big moves, booming careers and all of the curveballs life can throw at a person, we managed to remain integral parts of one another’s lives. she is a person who checks in on her strong friends, myself included. dana can read me like a book. she has been supportive of my blog since day one so when she reached out about a topic she wanted me to cover, i couldn’t resist.

the text message she sent said:

“…i feel like with shelter in place, so many people are now considering or trying therapy for the first time but i think a lot of people don’t know what to expect or how to maximize what they get out of therapy. how can someone get the most out of therapy or your relationship with your therapist?”

as i lay here, snuggled up with misu on a much needed day off (shout out to all my veterans, especially my papa), i wanted to provide some tips on how to get what you need out of therapy.

1. make a list of three major qualities you are looking for in a therapist – for me, it is someone who is solution focused, blunt and consistently able to see me. what are your three?

2. identify what topics you plan on bringing into session beforehand

3. be TOTALLY honest with your therapist – if they don’t know the full story, you aren’t going to get what you need out of each session

4. remember that they are not there to be your friend – it isn’t supposed to feel like a starbucks conversation between two old pals

5. be consistent with showing up to each session – i schedule my therapy sessions the same way i do work, an appointment with my ob and expensive restaurant reservations – i am never late and i am ready upon arrival

6. don’t be afraid to tell your therapist what you are looking to get out of your time spent together – they might need direction as no two clients are the same

7. be sure to actually do any homework assigned to you by your therapist – it is being assigned for a reason

8. do not expect your therapist to work harder than you or to “fix you” – that is not their purpose

9. a good therapist is going to push you to step outside of your comfort zone. please know the difference between feeling uncomfortable and feeling unsafe. do not fight your therapist (or fire them) because you feel uncomfortable. clearly, where you were comfortable wasn’t working, otherwise, you wouldn’t be in their office in the first place

10. understand that it will often get worse before it gets better. therapy requires some digging and unearthing of things you buried and sometimes, things you weren’t even aware were tucked away. your willingness to do the work will provide a reward and inner peace that is unparalleled

📷: hilly

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: i am most effective when my cup is full

a few weeks ago, i did something i have never done in the double digit number of years i have been in the work force. i asked our executive admin how many vacation days i had in total; both what i carried over from last year and from this year. the number took me by surprise. while i definitely believe in being prepared for an emergency and saving some for rainy day, my gut reaction surprised me. i briskly walked back to my office, opened my planner and started creating extended weekends for myself. and this was not because i had travel plans or events to attend, it was simply because i could sense that it is both what i needed and what i deserved.

this quote from faith broussard cade says it all (and then some):

“i do not have to work myself to the point of a BREAKDOWN to prove that i am dedicated to my dreams. i am most effective when my cup is FULL.” #fleurdelisspeaks

i love working in mental health. it brings me an insane amount of joy. even still, in order for me to show up for my clients, i have to show up for me, too. i am more effective when i carve out that time for me.

when is the last time you took a day off just because?

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: 1/24

i have been having more conversations than i could ever count about how to avoid burnout at work while in a pandemic, especially for those working in mental health and/or education. i happen to be in both as a counselor at a high school. that being said, there is this duality – i am incredibly grateful to be employed doing something i love but am increasingly aware of my own exhaustion as there was no point in grad school where we covered being a therapist amidst a pandemic. there has been lots of learning and evolving along the way.

quite early in the school year, i flipped through the calendar for the first semester. i went to speak to our executive admin to see how many vacation days i had for the year because i knew i was carrying some over from last school year. i decided upon hearing the number that it didn’t make sense for me to just stack a bunch of days for the hell of it – i was going to take time off. some days would be spent alone, some would be spent on mini vacations with dear friends and some would be spent visiting my new nephew, enzo.

there was a point in time where i used to feel guilt about taking time off if not for a major event. i stumbled across this quote on twitter and it has not only impacted my day to day but my approach to taking days off from time to time:

“you owe yourself one hour a day of self-maintenance. it can include reading, writing, yoga, exercise, dancing, meditation, painting, or whatever, but you owe it to yourself. one hour, 1/24 of your day. that is less than 5%. it matters, it really does. make it count.”

as someone who only requires 5-7 hours of sleep, i have at least 17 hours that i am awake per day. even on the heaviest work days, i theoretically have 6+ hours that do not involve work. why would there be guilt about taking an hour to do something for me? why would there be guilt about taking an entire day here or there?

this past weekend, i took a much needed road trip to vegas with one of the loves of my life, brittany. she captured this photo of me and if it weren’t a tad unprofessional (due to the frozen passion fruit margarita that was to die for), i would attach it to my out of office reply for the day.

do you take one hour a day out for yourself? can you do it without guilt? if so, how are you spending that time?

what does your ideal day out of the office look like?

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: there are many ways to be productive

hey lovelies.  it has been a minute since i have posted.  if i am being honest, i have been feeling depleted for a number of reasons.  i have been shitting bricks over the upcoming election, i am back at work full time (and seeing my students be in rough shape after being out of school for so long breaks my heart), the heat and air quality in california has been actual trash, more innocent black men are being killed at the hands of the police and it just seems like the amount of grief, loss and trauma has been immeasurable.

 

i was asked recently how i would describe 2020 in three words.  my answer?  tumultuous, unpredictable relentless.

 

even with those words ringing true for me, i have seen so many people pushing themselves to “be productive” – but what does that mean?  i think there are plenty of ways to be productive.  every person isn’t spending quarantine learning how to cook, sew, start a business or train to be a body builder.  for some, being productive is carving out time to do things that bring you joy or that are good for you.  maybe it is taking a long bath or having a dance party in your living room.  maybe it is is a virtual happy hour or reading a book.  maybe it is organizing a closet or starting a compost bin.  maybe it is nothing at all.

 

that’s right, maybe it is nothing at all.

 

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“note to self: rest is productive. rest is productive. rest is productive. rest is productive. rest is productive. rest is productive.” -wise words from one of my favorite twitter accounts

 

rest, is in fact, productive.  in order to be able to tackle that lengthy to do list or to have energy to take care of ourselves & others, rest is vital.  sometimes, that is exactly what we need.  sometimes, the dishes, dusting and taking out the trash can wait.  the world will not stop spinning if you turn off your alarm clock on your day off work.

 

how do you define productivity?

 

xoxo,

k. tap