i have been evolving at a pace more rapid than what i am used to. because i am such a planner (and a bit of a control freak), i often try to map out changes that are set to occur. it helps me feel more ready; more grounded. i have had to relinquish some of that control while also leaning on some key players. remembering that i have this stellar support system is something that has helped make this process of changing easier. while a lot of the people closest to me are happy to see me evolving, there are some that don’t seem to be excited or even accepting.
i saw this drawing on the instagram page of viola davis and couldn’t help but smile.
just because people are used to me being a particular way does not mean that i am meant to stay that way forever. ideally, we are all evolving and blossoming.
but guess what? even if someone i love is stagnant, i value myself enough to blossom anyway.
has anyone else felt scattered this month? as we wrap up june and i pack up the last four years of my life at one job while in selecting office furniture for the next step in my career, i have felt all over the place. even still, i know that the decisions i’ve been making are the right ones for me.
there was a time in my life where if every single thing was not operating smoothly, i would categorize myself as a failure. my nonstop pursuit of perfection was all consuming and quite frankly, dangerous. being able to admit that and relinquish control was a game changer.
it is okay to relinquish control. it is okay to feel scattered. it is okay to be flawed.
this quote from gigi groener, who i am lucky enough to call a friend, was a much needed reminder of just that.
“i am still whole even when my pieces feel scattered.”
leave it to gigi to remind me that i am just as valuable even when i feel a bit scattered. you are, too.
when i was in both undergrad and grad school, there was an incredible focus on what did we want to do with all of this knowledge we had acquired. what were the next steps? how would we have an impact on society? what would be our lasting contribution? what do we want out of life? and yes, each of those are important things to think about. it certainly has helped steer me in the right direction. but still, there is something missing from that equation and elaine welteroth, author of “more than enough” (and total badass) hit the nail on the head.
“discovering what you don’t want is just as important as finding out what you do.” -elaine welteroth
as i prepare to take the next step in my career, i have come to realize that while i knew so much about what i wanted, i didn’t realize what i didn’t want until i did a true analysis of my current position alongside my future position. while i will do a deeper dive about this next step on my instagram live this sunday, just know that you are worth the investment it takes to discover both what you want and don’t want. and if you haven’t done so already, order a copy of “more than enough” here.
since turning 31, i have been feeling this greater sense of confidence. i am feeling the most comfortable i’ve ever felt in my own skin. there is this unapologetic vibe that has taken over and it is so freeing. i have been showing up in spaces as my truest self and the doors that are opening are unreal. it is beautiful to witness.
this quote sums it up perfectly…
“i can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.” -emma stone
with each year that i grow older, i become more aware of my goals and what must be done to accomplish them. in doing a thorough inventory of my life, i feel fortunate to have the bulk of the boxes checked off. while it wasn’t without hard work, the universe has definitely lined some things up for me as well. one thing that has been on my mind more as i navigate my 30s is having a family of my own before this decade is over. while i am not ready for a child tomorrow, i know i definitely want children at some point. while i ready in a lot of ways, one area of concern is would i physically be able to carry a child safely. ￼
i’ve always been a big girl and feel like i have tried a million different things to lose weight. while i have no desire to be skinny, i am also aware that the amount of weight i am carrying and where i carry the bulk of my weight (my midsection) is not healthy long term. in terms of things i have tried to lose weight, some haven’t worked at all, some worked up until a point and some worked well but just weren’t sustainable long term. in thinking about things i have not tried, i realized i might be in need of a full blown wellness coach, not just a personal trainer. of course, this means i would need to carve out space, time and money. i saw this quote at the start of the year and it just resonated with me.
“make space: in order to have new things come into our lives, we must be willing to do the hard work of making space for it.” -sara kuburic, ccc
i decided this week that in mid march, my physical health is something i will be making a substantial amount of space for. i am certainly worth the fucking investment.