earlier this month, i was out celebrating my dear friend gracelyn’s birthday and we were talking about both religion and spirituality.  she asked me do i consider myself to be either of these things.  now, while i was raised in the baptist church, have only ever attended religiously affiliated institutions and have worked at both a jesuit university and a catholic high school, i would not consider myself to be religious.  i find religion to be a bit too binding for my liking yet respect my friends from various religions.  if i absolutely had to label myself, i would classify myself as agnostic.  there are definitely things about this world that i do not feel can be explained just by science.  now, in terms of being spiritual, that is something i closely identify with.  i am more concerned with the goodness of a person’s soul than whether or not they follow the rules of a book or leader from a particular faith.

 

with me being concerned most with the goodness of a person’s soul, i try to channel that energy inward and look at my own soul.  how am i treating myself?  how am i allowing other people to treat me?  am i truly in touch with my spiritual self?  how have i been strengthening my own spiritual muscles?

 

while the start of the year might have been a bit tumultuous for me, march has been substantially smoother.  i have been told at least a dozen times that i have this glow.  now, while i have to give credit to months of intermittent fasting per my godbrother’s suggestion, the rose water my friend carolynn recommended to me when i am rocking a bare face or to lilly galichi’s lashes (courtesy of my twin, anj) when rocking a made up face, i truly need to give credit to myself.  i have made a major shift in my life this year and while some might consider in controversial, i consider it to be absolutely necessary.

 

i cut out all contact with a member of my family.

 

i went back and forth about whether or not i had made the right decision.  i think that is common to do when making a decision that is truly life altering.  and then, i came across this quote while scrolling through the gram…

 

 

“no longer responding or reacting to people who trigger you is one of the ways you strengthen your spiritual muscles.”

 

when i asked myself how i was treating myself, i thought the answer was good.  i currently have a job that is actually a career, i have been more active, i have been tracking my eating, i have been making time to spend with people who mean a great deal to me (whether that be in person or over the phone or FaceTime) and i have an apartment that feels like a home – one i have worked hard to create.  i realized that all of these things are in fact good but that is not the only thing that matters.  when i asked myself how i was allowing other people to treat me, the answer was not as confident.

 

i have allowed a member of my family to get away with treating me like shit and i gave them a pass because they were family.  while i love my family because they are family, that does not mean that i have to like them.  it also does not mean i am simply supposed to tolerate bullshit or disrespect.  if being in contact with someone is triggering me, why was i still in contact?  here is the controversial statement i am not supposed to say but am going to say anyway:

 

i am not going to allow someone the blessing of being in my orbit simply because we share a bloodline.  i did not get to choose the family i was born into, but i do get to choose who i invest my time, energy and love into.  time, energy and love are things that should be reciprocal.  i deserve nothing less.

 

that is me truly tapping into my most spiritual self.

 

it has been just over a month of absolutely zero contact and the best sleep i have gotten all year has been since cutting off contact.  and the glow people are talking about?  that is radiating from the inside out.  my spiritual muscles are strengthening by the day.

 

how do you work on strengthening your spiritual muscles?  i would love to hear about it below.

 

xoxo,

k. tap