thought of the week: conditional love and boundaries are not the same thing

i have shared before that i am not in love with the holiday season.  working as a therapist, i am reminded regularly of how triggering of a time this can be for many people.  there is often this expectation of being forced to “happily” interact with more relatives than one might care to count.  while the holidays are not all bad, they certainly are not all good.  no one has the perfect family dynamic.


something i have been working with my clients on (especially as we approach thanksgiving and christmas) is the concept of setting boundaries.  for some (i have noticed this at a higher rate with minority women), this is a brand new concept.  sometimes, when they try to implement this within their own families, they receive a ton of pushback or are guilted into thinking they have done something wrong by simply setting a boundary.


a couple of weeks ago, i came across this quote on instagram and thought to myself, “wow.  what a much needed reminder for both my clients and myself as we approach the holiday season.”




“conditional love and boundaries are not the same thing.” -sara kuburic, ccc aka the millennial therapist


how brilliantly worded was that?


do not allow your family to convince you that you setting boundaries is you loving them conditionally.  you can love someone unconditionally while loving and respecting yourself enough to create boundaries that feel good for you.



k. tap

4 thoughts on “thought of the week: conditional love and boundaries are not the same thing

  1. Pingback: thought of the week: making others uncomfortable is okay – keep up with k.tap

  2. Pingback: thought of the week: allow yourself to let go – keep up with k.tap

    1. keep up with k.tap

      sure thing! boundaries and love are not necessarily related. boundaries are about setting limits to maintain self respect and to be sure we aren’t stretching ourselves too thin. that can happen even with unconditional love. i don’t love the people in my life any less, even with substantial boundaries in place.


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