Author: keep up with k.tap

velvet vixen

i do not know why i avoided any shade of red for most of my adult life.  then, a couple of years ago, i realized i loved shades of burgundy, oxblood, etc. – you know, those deeper hues.

 

when looking for outfits to celebrate my 30th birthday last week, asos was one of the first places i browsed and it did not disappoint.  however, i was shocked when a friend asked if i had checked amazon out.  now, i get my groceries delivered every 10 days from amazon fresh and i won’t get into how many times per month i get a box or envelope from amazon prime, but clothes?  and more specifically, a dress to wear to a club?  and for a plus sized girl?

 

well, i decided to bite the bullet and i am happy i did.

 

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to me, few things compare to feeling sexy in what you are wearing i definitely was feeling myself with this little velvet number.  and at under $30, i really got away with a steal.  you can snag it for yourself here.  in addition to oxblood, it also comes in black.

 

something i appreciated is that even while dancing (check out that second photo) in a short dress with ruching, it never rode up or had me feeling all exposed in the club.  that was crucial with the amount of dancing we did this last weekend.

 

i paired it with my faux fur coat from asos (which has honestly been in a staple in my wardrobe since january of 2019).  a faux fur coat and vest are both necessary pieces in any girl’s closet.  vegas in the winter can be a bit breezy and that same coat is serving me well while i am in boston for work.

 

tomorrow, i will be giving you the full vegas rundown.  it was truly one for the books.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: the answer is obvious

even as a child, i was action oriented.  yes, i have great listening skills and that is part of why being a therapist comes naturally to me.  however, part of being an active listener is paying attention to other cues.  to me, a great listener is also an astute observer.  that being said, actions cannot be ignored.

 

the older i get, the more this rings true.  having turned 30 last week really reiterated the things i prioritize and one of them is not having to have the same conversations with people repeatedly.  someone can apologize over and over again but if there is no shift in their actions, are they really sorry?

 

that brings me to my thought of the week:

 

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“the answer is in how they treat you, not what they say.”

 

it really could not be more simple.

 

so ask yourself: if you are having issues with a loved one, are you paying attention to more than what they say, but their actions?  what are their actions telling you?

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

 

all (rose) gold everything

hi lovelies!

 

today’s post is short and sweet.  if you follow me on instagram, you know that i was in vegas the last four days celebrating my 30th birthday with about 30 of my closest friends and family members.  while i am going to do a full recap later this week (because it definitely requires more thought and energy than i have at the moment), i have not stopped getting dms about my wardrobe from the weekend.

 

even though i loved my outfits each night for different reasons, the most popular seems to be this rose gold, full sequined number from asos by john zack (courtesy of my great friends, reens and sam).

 

*pictured above with my dear friend, jess (who should honestly run her own blog seeing as how her fashion sense, design aesthetic, love for travel and commitment to health & wellness are on another level)

 

the dress was originally $103 (which was totally worth every penny considering the statement it makes) but is currently on sale for $82!

 

whether you have a party to attend or just want to feel extra pretty on a date or girls night out, this is definitely something that would spice up your wardrobe.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

this is 30.

i cannot believe i am 30 or that every adult when i was younger was absolutely telling the truth when they warned me about how each year picked up pace as we got older.

i thought about making this post one that was fuzzy and warm but that wouldn’t have been fully me. so instead, i am going to share 30 life lessons that i will carry into my 30s to make this decade the best one yet.

1. authenticity is underrated.

2. no two people handle grief the same way and that is OKAY.

3. “no.” truly is a full fucking sentence.

4. there is no need to feel guilt around saying “no.” to someone you love because that likely means you are saying “yes.” to you.

5. the five people you are closest to serve as mirrors – do you like what you see? if not, time to change up the starting five.

6. gratitude is something to practice regularly. daily, i jot down three things i am grateful for. i haven’t had a day yet where i couldn’t list three things and that has been an eye opener.

7. work hard, play just as hard.

8. that being said, do not rely on luck. hustling is not negotiable if you want to be successful.

9. do something once per week that is completely selfish – it pays to have something to look forward to.

10. busyness is not an indicator of success. what are you spending your time on?

11. do not bring more baggage into a relationship than you can comfortably carry.

12. do not enter a relationship with someone that expects you to carry their baggage.

13. vulnerability is strength.

14. friends are the family you choose.

15. all good relationships have healthy boundaries.

16. age is not indicative of maturity.

17. self care is more than bubble baths and manicures – be sure that you are not ignoring your mental and emotional health.

18. while your friends, family and partner(s) are your support system, they have limits to the amount of space they can hold for you. even therapists have therapists.

19. for every action, there is a reaction that you do not get to dictate.

20. your dreams don’t have to make sense to anyone but you.

21. you regularly show people how to treat you, even without words.

22. check in on your strong friends. they are tired even if you cannot tell.

23. don’t punish people for not showing up for you if you have not communicated what showing up for you looks like.

24. pour into people who pour into you.

25. you don’t ever get over the loss of someone, you just learn to live with/work through it.

26. love on your inner circle in their preferred love language(s).

27. words mean nothing without action.

28. you are more than your job/career.

29. when questioning whether or not you are treating yourself with the love and respect you deserve, ask yourself what advice you would give to your best friend if in the same situation. whatever your answer is, channel that inward. be one of your own best friends.

30. life is short and unpredictable so give people their flowers while they are still here to enjoy them.

and to all of you who reached out today, thank you so much for all of the birthday wishes. it is greatly appreciated and made my heart warm.

to see what i am up to in vegas this weekend, check out my instagram stories.

cheers to the next 30 🥂.

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: the importance of healing

with valentine’s day being just around the corner, love is definitely on the brain.  interestingly enough, when i think of valentine’s day, i do not just think about love in the romantic sense – i think about love between friends and family as well.

 

what does love mean to you?  merriam webster has several definitions but the two i gravitate towards are: 1. strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties, 2. warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.  both definitions are simple yet beautiful and tug at my heartstrings.

 

as i do with most things, i started to think about my clients.  specifically, the ones who seem nearly unable or incapable of receiving love from another, no matter the nature of the relationship.  it is something that is heartbreaking to witness but happens more often than you’d think.  i came across this quote and couldn’t resist sharing it.

 

 

“heal, so when someone tells you they love you, you may allow yourself to believe them.”

 

so many of my clients who come to my office unable to accept love are in that space because they have not gone through the healing process from previous traumas with people who may have said they loved them but did not really know how to love them in the way they needed to be loved.  unfortunately, it is not on the other party to do or help facilitate that healing.  it is up to each person to do their healing individually.

 

part of why that healing is so crucial is because we want to be able to open ourselves up to people deserving of our love.  this does not mean we are naive and simply accept any love someone is offering if it is not love that suits us.  however, it does mean that we are simply seeing love with a new lens and not completely ruling it out because of previous experiences that did not go according to plan.

 

do you believe it when someone tells you they love you? have you done your healing?  if not, are you willing to start?

 

happy (early) valentine’s day – i love you.

 

xoxo,

k. tap