Author: keep up with k.tap

ava + viv

so as most of you know, i am not a huge fan of christmas. it should come as no surprise that one of my soulmates, marilena, is the same. so imagine my surprise when i came back from oklahoma post thanksgiving and had a christmas gift from her. not just any gift, but this ultra lush ava + viv sweater.

 

this sweater is literally buttery soft. so soft that i would contemplate wearing it to bed with my queen of sleep shirt. is there anything better? this sweater was originally sold at target for $29.99 but is now on sale for $20.99. it is worth every penny and you can get yours here.

ava & viv has stolen my heart.

xoxo,

k.tap

thought of the week: apply for the job!

women’s month might be in march but as a woman of color working at a college prep high school full of young ladies, i find that i am more often than not thinking about topics that directly impact women.

 

many of our girls are applying to colleges, jobs and internships for the very first time.  and i have noticed this hesitation, even amongst some of the most confident girls in the senior class.  it is as if they shut down if they do not check off every single box that a college or job is saying they are looking for.  the fear of facing rejection (some for the first time ever) seems to trump all else.  as someone that used to work in college admissions, i encourage them to apply anyway, especially if they are applying to a private school that will look at applicants holistically.  then, i started to think about how this could evolve as these young ladies become grown women.

 

twitter never disappoints.

 

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“apply for the job.  ‘but i’m not qualified for it.’ neither is the person who is going to get the job…” –sahil lavingia

“a cornell university study found that men overestimate their abilities and performance, while women underestimate both.  a hewlett packard report also suggests men apply for jobs when they meet 60% of the qualifications but women apply if they meet 100%.  APPLY FOR THE JOBS LADIES.” – toni tone

 

like, woah.

 

in sharing this information with some of my seniors, they were blown away.  in sharing this information with some of my female friends ranging from ages 28 to 35, they were floored.  then, there was this question: how many opportunities had we as women missed out on because we were selling ourselves short?

 

so ladies, don’t just apply for the job – do whatever it is you have been hesitating on doing because chances are, you are more ready than you think you are and more qualified than you realize.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

the little book of gratitude

in the field of psychology, the concept of gratitude has really risen to the surface.  one of the things i love most about ryan is that he was on this train long before it was trendy and practices it daily in his own life.  so a few weeks ago, when i had a book waiting for me in my inbox, i thought maybe i had been doing some tipsy online shopping.  to my surprise, ryan had gifted me a book: the little book of gratitude – create a life of happiness and wellbeing by giving thanks by dr. robert a. emmons.

 

 

merriam webster defines gratitude as the state of being grateful: thankfulness.

 

sounds simple, doesn’t it?  then why is it that it seems to be a brand new concept to so many?

 

this book does an outstanding job of just simplifying gratitude and making it an incredibly digestible concept.

 

i loved this book for a variety of reasons.

  1. it was an incredibly easy read
  2. it had several passages that resonated with me
  3. there were a variety of exercises or activities that i have put into place in my own life already where i have seen a shift in my disposition
  4. my clients can greatly benefit from a book like this
  5. it really made me stop to consider whether or not i had been practicing gratitude in a constructive and consistent way

 

i wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes and takeaways from this book.

 

“you are never too old, too young, too rich, too poor, to live gratefully.  we can produce gratitude in any season of life.  this is part of its appeal.  as we create gratitude, a positive ripple effect is generated through every area of our lives, potentially satisfying some of our deepest yearnings – our desire for happiness, our pursuit of better relationships, and our ceaseless quest for inner peace, health, wholeness, and contentment.”

 

i like this idea because in working with my clients, i have seen with my own eyes that whether you are 8 or 80, you can learn something new, put it into practice and improve the quality of your life and the lives around you.  who wouldn’t want to do that?

 

some of my favorite activities have been:

  • count blessings, not sheep – every night for a week, spending 15 minutes writing about something you are grateful for.  writing instead of simply thinking about it leads to a different, more significant level of processing.
  • three good things – simply thinking about three things that went well for you yesterday and asking: why did they go well, how grateful did they make you feel and did you tell anyone about them.  this helps to celebrate even the little things.
  • write a gratitude letter – taking 30 minutes to write a one page letter to a person who you have not taken the time to thank properly for their impact in your life.  ideally, you deliver the letter in person and read it out loud to them.  this is both a lesson in gratitude and vulnerability.

 

there are several others i enjoyed but these three were my absolute favorite.

 

what ways do you practice gratitude?  if you are looking to improve or simply get started, you can purchase the little book of gratitude here.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

 

thought of the week: conditional love and boundaries are not the same thing

i have shared before that i am not in love with the holiday season.  working as a therapist, i am reminded regularly of how triggering of a time this can be for many people.  there is often this expectation of being forced to “happily” interact with more relatives than one might care to count.  while the holidays are not all bad, they certainly are not all good.  no one has the perfect family dynamic.

 

something i have been working with my clients on (especially as we approach thanksgiving and christmas) is the concept of setting boundaries.  for some (i have noticed this at a higher rate with minority women), this is a brand new concept.  sometimes, when they try to implement this within their own families, they receive a ton of pushback or are guilted into thinking they have done something wrong by simply setting a boundary.

 

a couple of weeks ago, i came across this quote on instagram and thought to myself, “wow.  what a much needed reminder for both my clients and myself as we approach the holiday season.”

 

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“conditional love and boundaries are not the same thing.” -sara kuburic, ccc aka the millennial therapist

 

how brilliantly worded was that?

 

do not allow your family to convince you that you setting boundaries is you loving them conditionally.  you can love someone unconditionally while loving and respecting yourself enough to create boundaries that feel good for you.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

brunch = bottomless mimosas + breakfast burgers

i have no idea why it took me this long to do this post because if you follow me on instagram, you know i am at this place on any weekend i am not out of town.  plate 38 in pasadena has become a staple for me since moving back to los angeles in 2017.  i will be forever grateful to opentable for the recommendation.

 

now, let me tell you just a few reasons why i love plate 38 so much:

  1. their brunch is phenomenal (whether you are someone who loves savory or someone who loves sweet) and they serve these delicious bottomless mimosas in wine glasses or goblets instead of champagne flutes.  cheers to that!
  2. the service is awesome – the staff really makes an effort to get to know their customers and it shows.
  3. their happy hour happens daily and has something for everyone – i would highly recommend the tuna tartare tacos! also, on mondays, happy hour is from 3pm to closing!!
  4. they take reservations via opentable and i have never waited longer than five minutes upon arriving if i made one.
  5. the chef has daily dinner specials and they are definitely made with love.

 

while i have tried a variety of items from the brunch menu, my go to meal is the breakfast burger with an order of garlic herb fries.  i get my burger the same way every single time (and my favorite waitress knows this by heart) – patty cooked medium rare, egg over medium, side of ranch and don’t forget the tapatio.  brunch is not complete without bottomless mimosas.

 

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if you are considering going to plate 38 and need a recommendation, i am happy to help. if you have already been, what is your favorite thing on the menu?  my mom is OBSESSED with the slow roasted pork sandwich.  on the rare occasion i am craving something sweet, the ricotta blueberry pancakes hit the spot.

 

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xoxo,

k. tap