my thought of the week was inspired by the mom of one of my closest friends.  carolyn, or mama oz as i call her, is a talented artist and owns the cutest shop in tacoma, washington.  if you ever find yourself in the area, be sure you stop by creative forces gifts and sundries.  you can check out her work here.

 

what first caught my eye was the beautiful backdrop of this quote.  the hues reminded me of my grandmother which made me smile.  mama oz and grammy both have the same favorite color – purple.  when i read the quote, i knew i had to blog about it.

 

 

“once in a while, blow your own damn mind.”

 

i like this for a variety of reasons.  first, it is realistic.  it is not likely that you will blow your mind every single day or even have your mind blown by someone else that frequently.  all this is asking is that every once in awhile, you astonish yourself with your own awesomeness.

 

then, i started thinking of when the last time was that i blew my own mind.  if you follow me on instagram or twitter, then you know that my brother challenged me to a workout challenge.  now, a workout challenge is one thing but he challenged me to workout for 30 straight days.  then, once the 30 days are over, i can “drop down” to five days per week.  initially, i thought he was crazy.  even with the lifestyle changes i have made in the last year (tracking everything i consume, trying to hit the gym or a workout class at least three times a week, being more aware of alcohol consumption, etc.), i just didn’t see myself as a person that would or could work out for 30 straight days.  i honestly couldn’t see myself working out for seven straight days.  i have only done that one other time in my adult life and it was when i was on a crash diet where my weight went up and down like a yo-yo afterwards.  additionally, i am not one of those people who gets super pumped to go to the gym or work out.  i am always happy afterwards but that is not always enough motivation to get me there.  i am also always happy after watching pretty much any show that is aired on bravo.  if you are a fellow bravo fanatic, i am sure you understand how my couch often wins the battle.

 

with my brother being part of the reason why i started to drop weight over the last year paired with him being a collegiate athlete, i figured why not give it a try.  i am just over 1/3 of the way in and i have not just been impressed by my dedication but i have been impressed with the results i can see happening already.  if i am seeing this and i am on day 11, it makes me that much more excited to see what changes i will notice by day 30.  and now that i have worked out for a double digit number of days consecutively, committing to 5 days per week seems more than feasible.  special shout out to pooh bear for pushing me to be my best.  i am blowing my own damn mind.

 

lastly, i love this quote because it is a simple reminder to do something extraordinary.

 

when was the last time you blew your own mind?  how did you do it?

 

xoxo,

k. tap

for more years of my life than i care to admit, i was consumed with figuring out how to make those around me happy.  and if they ever reached that state of happiness, i then made it my job to figure out how to help them maintain that state.  i would beat myself up if the people i loved seemed unhappy, discontent or disappointed.  it took me a really long time to break that mindset.

 

at the end of the day, i am only in control of my own happiness – no one else’s.

 

 

“i cannot make you happy, but i can commit to support you in the creation of your own happiness”  –yung pueblo 

 

when i read this quote for the first time, it brought tears to my eyes.  while i had changed my mindset years ago about being able to make another person happy, i could not quite figure out why i initially felt guilt.  i think part of it felt like i was abandoning someone i loved while they were on an important journey.  to me, this quote highlights that while i cannot make someone happy, i can still walk alongside them in their journey to find happiness without doing the work for them.  that is the beauty of it all.

 

how do you create your own happiness?  how do you support your loved ones in creating their own happiness?

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

p.s. i know i have been posting a ton of poetry lately (all in lowercase letters just like how i like to write) – now you know how much reading i get done when i have time away from work.  i hope you are enjoying it as much as i am. 🙂

i have talked to you all before about how some of my habits in grad school were not the healthiest in terms of juggling a million different things and the overall toll that took on me.  i have also talked about how it is important to get rid of the ideology that wearing a game face is always necessary.

 

with that being said, i am no longer juggling as many things as i was a couple of years ago but i am still juggling quite a bit.  some of the things are ones that are more visible like my career as a counselor, operating this blog and of course, extensive traveling.  others are not as visible such as complex relationships with family members, still learning how to manage the grief around my grandmother, maintaining a plethora of long distance relationships, trying to navigate being a black woman in the world we currently live in and many other things i won’t dive into both for the sake of privacy and time.  look, sometimes just saying all of it out loud can be exhausting.

 

something i have been told time and time again by family, friends, coworkers, mentors, clients and even strangers is how i make this balancing act look easy.  while i think it is being said as a compliment, part of it almost diminishes the struggle i am often enduring.  i also think there is something to be said about all of the things i am juggling not necessarily being visible to the naked eye – it almost makes it harder to measure or grasp.

 

today, my friend julian posted this on his instagram story and it did not only make me think of myself, it made me think of many friends and clients i have that may make balancing look easy, even if it is silently breaking them down.

 

 

“just because i carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

 

this quote is multidimensional.  yes, i do carry things well, at least from the outside looking in, no matter the weight.  and yes, what i am carrying is rarely easy or light.

 

but here’s the thing, i have been working on sharing a bit more with loved ones about what it is that i am carrying, especially the things they cannot see.  i have found that that has been helpful in them understanding my day to day struggle along with there being a higher chance of them not adding more to my shoulders if they are aware that i am already at capacity.  it made me wonder if part of the issue at hand was me wanting to appear like i had it all together.

 

are you carrying more than what is feasible right now?  could your load be lightened if you shared what you were carrying with your loved ones?

 

i would love to hear about it.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

it was not until two hours ago that i realized it was saturday and not sunday.  some years ago, i probably would not have been happy about being on my couch on a saturday night.  at 29, i am elated to have an evening to myself.

 

with me living in la, there is always something to get into on a saturday night.  some people talk about “fomo” also known as “fear of missing out.”  on the weekends, people scroll through instagram and might be a little down because they are not partaking in the fun they see on their timeline.  that is not a feeling i have had in quite some time.

 

i saw this some months back and laughed out loud because it could have been written by me for me.

 

 

“jomo (noun).  joy of missing out.  feeling content with staying in and disconnecting as a form of self-care.  antonym: fomo.”

 

are you more of a jomo or fomo person?  maybe you are a bit of a both?  i would love to hear about it below.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

 

an ongoing theme for me as i entered this year has been increasing my vulnerability – with friends, with family, with strangers (through this blog), with potential partners and most importantly, with myself.  i often hear people talk about vulnerability with others but i rarely hear it talked about in terms of how we are with ourselves.  the art of being vulnerable is about being open and more sensitive, thus being more susceptible to both criticism and hurt.  maybe that is why we tend to avoid vulnerability, even with ourselves.  what i realized is that if i can start with being more open with myself and more sensitive towards myself, it would be easier for me to do with others.

 

whether it is due to upbringing, my zodiac sign or something else that i have not even considered, there was a time in my life where i was hesitant about being vulnerable, especially when it came to love.  at the end of last year, i was a bit more closed off than i would have liked to admit.  i ended up coming across this quote on my friend roxy’s page and it made me pause.

 

 

“if you suppress expressions of love in fear of being perceived as vulnerable, you’re more in love with your ego than the people you claim to love.”

 

this shit is layered.

 

the first thing is why did i (for myself only) view vulnerability as weakness?  so much so that i was avoiding it at all costs with some of the people i am closest to?  i had to work on reframing that – i have done work on reframing this idea over the last several months and let me tell you something: vulnerability is both exhausting and liberating.

 

the second thing i had to address is if i had this ego that was mentioned.  i had never considered myself to be egotistical but something i had not fully copped to is how i was letting pride get in the way of love.  i was more concerned with what the potential reactions to my vulnerability could be.  it was all so raw and out of my control.  those exact risks are part of what makes it so beautiful.

 

even now, i am not a person lacking pride – i have just learned to scale that back to create more room for vulnerability.  in creating more room for vulnerability, i have created more room for love.

 

have you ever suppressed expressions of love?  if so, what did that look like for you?

 

xoxo,

k. tap