i have talked to you all before about how some of my habits in grad school were not the healthiest in terms of juggling a million different things and the overall toll that took on me.  i have also talked about how it is important to get rid of the ideology that wearing a game face is always necessary.

with that being said, i am no longer juggling as many things as i was a couple of years ago but i am still juggling quite a bit.  some of the things are ones that are more visible like my career as a counselor, operating this blog and of course, extensive traveling.  others are not as visible such as complex relationships with family members, still learning how to manage the grief around my grandmother, maintaining a plethora of long distance relationships, trying to navigate being a black woman in the world we currently live in and many other things i won’t dive into both for the sake of privacy and time.  look, sometimes just saying all of it out loud can be exhausting.

something i have been told time and time again by family, friends, coworkers, mentors, clients and even strangers is how i make this balancing act look easy.  while i think it is being said as a compliment, part of it almost diminishes the struggle i am often enduring.  i also think there is something to be said about all of the things i am juggling not necessarily being visible to the naked eye – it almost makes it harder to measure or grasp.

today, my friend julian posted this on his instagram story and it did not only make me think of myself, it made me think of many friends and clients i have that may make balancing look easy, even if it is silently breaking them down.

“just because i carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

this quote is multidimensional.  yes, i do carry things well, at least from the outside looking in, no matter the weight.  and yes, what i am carrying is rarely easy or light.

but here’s the thing, i have been working on sharing a bit more with loved ones about what it is that i am carrying, especially the things they cannot see.  i have found that that has been helpful in them understanding my day to day struggle along with there being a higher chance of them not adding more to my shoulders if they are aware that i am already at capacity.  it made me wonder if part of the issue at hand was me wanting to appear like i had it all together.

are you carrying more than what is feasible right now?  could your load be lightened if you shared what you were carrying with your loved ones?

i would love to hear about it.

xoxo,

k. tap