Tag: mental health

thought of the week: getting what you need out of therapy

dana and i might both be la girls but we met in the bay during undergrad at scu. somehow, between big moves, booming careers and all of the curveballs life can throw at a person, we managed to remain integral parts of one another’s lives. she is a person who checks in on her strong friends, myself included. dana can read me like a book. she has been supportive of my blog since day one so when she reached out about a topic she wanted me to cover, i couldn’t resist.

the text message she sent said:

“…i feel like with shelter in place, so many people are now considering or trying therapy for the first time but i think a lot of people don’t know what to expect or how to maximize what they get out of therapy. how can someone get the most out of therapy or your relationship with your therapist?”

as i lay here, snuggled up with misu on a much needed day off (shout out to all my veterans, especially my papa), i wanted to provide some tips on how to get what you need out of therapy.

1. make a list of three major qualities you are looking for in a therapist – for me, it is someone who is solution focused, blunt and consistently able to see me. what are your three?

2. identify what topics you plan on bringing into session beforehand

3. be TOTALLY honest with your therapist – if they don’t know the full story, you aren’t going to get what you need out of each session

4. remember that they are not there to be your friend – it isn’t supposed to feel like a starbucks conversation between two old pals

5. be consistent with showing up to each session – i schedule my therapy sessions the same way i do work, an appointment with my ob and expensive restaurant reservations – i am never late and i am ready upon arrival

6. don’t be afraid to tell your therapist what you are looking to get out of your time spent together – they might need direction as no two clients are the same

7. be sure to actually do any homework assigned to you by your therapist – it is being assigned for a reason

8. do not expect your therapist to work harder than you or to “fix you” – that is not their purpose

9. a good therapist is going to push you to step outside of your comfort zone. please know the difference between feeling uncomfortable and feeling unsafe. do not fight your therapist (or fire them) because you feel uncomfortable. clearly, where you were comfortable wasn’t working, otherwise, you wouldn’t be in their office in the first place

10. understand that it will often get worse before it gets better. therapy requires some digging and unearthing of things you buried and sometimes, things you weren’t even aware were tucked away. your willingness to do the work will provide a reward and inner peace that is unparalleled

📷: hilly

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: struggling with your mental health is not indicative of weakness…

with the election taking place yesterday and many of us still waiting on pins and needles for the results, i have been hyper aware of mental and emotional health. that awareness extends to my friends/family, clients, myself and millions of people that i don’t even know.

last week, when i was scheduling my clients for the week we are currently in, i purposefully scheduled zero for today. yes, that meant i would need to have even busier days on monday, tuesday, thursday and friday, but guess what? i knew that i would not be in a mental or emotional headspace to serve my clients today. the day post election day would be dedicated to client notes, emails, treatment plans and figuring out how to be present for myself in order to be able to be present for each client later this week (and in the weeks moving forward).

a couple of years ago, i would not have shared this plan. it is likely that i would not have even carved out this time for myself. what i know for certain is whether i structured today like this or not, i would have punished myself for even struggling with mental health. this quote served as the perfect reminder that i not only made the right decision, but that any day i choose to acknowledge and then prioritize my mental health, is a day where i’ve made the correct choice.

“struggling with your mental health is not indicative weakness. some of the strongest people are the ones silently winning battles each and every day.”

this week, my battles included an election day that was much closer than i would’ve hoped (which simply reiterated how little the lives of blacks, women, lgbtq people, immigrants and many other marginalized groups are valued) and the death of a close family friend. if i was unaffected by that, i would wonder if i still had a pulse.

what battles have you silently won recently?

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: i am most effective when my cup is full

a few weeks ago, i did something i have never done in the double digit number of years i have been in the work force. i asked our executive admin how many vacation days i had in total; both what i carried over from last year and from this year. the number took me by surprise. while i definitely believe in being prepared for an emergency and saving some for rainy day, my gut reaction surprised me. i briskly walked back to my office, opened my planner and started creating extended weekends for myself. and this was not because i had travel plans or events to attend, it was simply because i could sense that it is both what i needed and what i deserved.

this quote from faith broussard cade says it all (and then some):

“i do not have to work myself to the point of a BREAKDOWN to prove that i am dedicated to my dreams. i am most effective when my cup is FULL.” #fleurdelisspeaks

i love working in mental health. it brings me an insane amount of joy. even still, in order for me to show up for my clients, i have to show up for me, too. i am more effective when i carve out that time for me.

when is the last time you took a day off just because?

xoxo,

k. tap

world mental health day

what are you doing to be sure you are taken care of? in honor of world mental health day, i wanted to share things i am making a conscious effort to do more of:

1. listening to my body – if i am not feeling well, i don’t simply try to power through; rest is necessary

2. scheduling time with loved ones so i have people/interactions to look forward to whether it be a facetime or a road trip

3. asking for help when needed whether it be from my inner circle or one of the therapists i’ve seen over the years

4. setting boundaries that feel good for me

5. reframing vulnerability as a strength

6. being kind to myself

7. long, candlelit baths

8. baking lemon bars (makes me feel close to grammy)

9. buying beautiful bouquets for my home

10. weekly dinners with pooh bear

11. journaling (i have one for calm, one for gratitude and one for happiness)

12. using “no.” as a full sentence

13. advocating for myself and others

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: depth.

during the middle of summer, i was feeling a bit down. i really was craving normalcy which for me typically includes tons of travel, live music and quality time with friends and family. more than anything, i was tired of having the same conversations over and over again about the pandemic. while covid is absolutely real, there are millions of other things going on. and as someone who hates small talk, i was sick of answering the same questions.

my friend elisa sent me a quote that she said made her think of me. upon reading it, i smiled because it was so fitting. and not only did it fit my vibe during quarantine, it fits my vibe year around.

“hard to be deep with those who swim in shallow water.” -james charles morris

i am someone who really values meaningful connection. during quarantine, i have had to be so much more intentional about how to factor those deep conversations into my week. while during covid, there has been nonstop conversation about physical health, i wanted to take some time to highlight both mental and emotional health.

have you been carving out time and space to have deep conversations with people around you? are the people around you capable of depth?

my mental and emotional health tanks cannot be filled without depth. what are your mental and emotional health needs?

xoxo,

k.tap