before midnight strikes, i have to wish a very happy birthday to myself.  today, i turned 29 and i am really making a conscious effort to embrace the skin i am in.

photo cred: my godsister

i am going to be honest – i had some anxiety leading up to my birthday.  i tend to put a lot of weight on birthdays.  the way most people are around the start of the year – analyzing their life choices, evaluating relationships, assessing happiness in the workplace, looking at checklists to see what has been marked off, etc; i do none of this at the start of the year.  i do all of this (plus some) as my birthday approaches.  i think it is even revved up during the week leading up to my birthday.

things were feeling a bit off for the last few weeks in multiple facets – for me personally, at work, with family, with friends and in my love life.  while none of those things are perfect now, for every single area i could name that was off, there were at least 3x the amount of things in that area where i was thriving.  internally, i may want my weight loss to be going faster but on the flip side, i am losing inches, killing it in my new barre classes and successfully did 35 push ups.  i may feel misunderstood by a colleague at work but i received a two page letter from a student and her single mom about the impact i make on their lives, a late night email from a nervous college senior about her latest college acceptance letter and successfully helped a student deal with her first ever panic attack today with ease.  i might feel like unappreciated by one member of  my family but woke up this morning to a call from my aunt sheila singing me happy birthday (the stevie wonder version, of course), had a cousin drive 50 miles while sick to attend my birthday dinner and my godsister arrived at my doorstep with beautiful balloons and was determined to get a shot i would love for this very post.  there are a couple friendships that are not feeling reciprocal but that doesn’t mean i should not acknowledge the multiple bouquets, chocolate covered strawberries and impromptu facetime calls to wish me a happy birthday that came from the hearts of each of my friends who do understand reciprocity and how meaningful birthdays are for me.  i might be in a gray area with someone i truly care about romantically but i am no longer in relationships that are unhealthy, ones where i have to be a therapist even after i get home from work as one and i know exactly what i am looking for.

today (and probably the bulk of year 29) is about me getting the fuck out of my own way and being grateful for my greatness.

cheers to being 29 and fine!

xoxo,

k.tap