Author: keep up with k.tap

what’s your apology language?

i am all about a good assessment, especially if can help improve the communication in my relationships whether those are with friends, family, partners or coworkers.  while i have talked extensively about the 5 love languages both on this blog and on my instagram live sessions (there is one tonight, by the way at 7pm pst), i have yet to cover apology languages.  because gary chapman is brilliant, he decided to take it a step further and write a book on apology languages that i think pairs excellently with the 5 love languages.

 

similar to the 5 love languages, there are 5 apology languages.  the major difference between the two is that the love languages are on a 30 point scale whereas the apology languages are on a 20 point scale.  generally, people have one or two dominant languages.  however, even if you have a low number for one of them, it does not mean it is unimportant, it is just not your preferred method of apologies in most cases.  now, let’s go over each of the five apology languages:

  1. accept responsibility – this means it is important for you to hear the other person set aside their pride and simply admit their wrongdoing paired with a sincere apology
  2. expressing regret – this is more about admitting both guilt and shame while taking ownership (this one is often done best in person so the person receiving the apology can see the sincerity in body language)
  3. genuinely repent – this is about both feeling the hurt that was caused and also making a real plan to modify that behavior moving forward so there is not a repeat of the same scenario
  4. make restitution – this type of apology requires justification for the actions in question and also requires knowledge of the preferred love language of the person being apologized to so that can be paired with said justification
  5. request forgiveness – this is assurance for the person receiving it that there is awareness of wrongdoing and it is important enough to not only address but to ask for forgiveness which places the ball in the court of the person receiving the apology

 

in reading those descriptions, is there one that sounds the most like you?  i know there were a couple that stood out to me.  even though i took this assessment a couple of years ago, i took it again to see if there were any shifts and my apology languages have evolved with me.

 

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make restitution – 8

accept responsibility – 6

expressing regret – 3

genuinely repent – 3

request forgiveness – 0

 

i am clearly a woman of extremes based on this point distribution.  but when i thought about the apologies that have meant the most to me, the things they all have in common are an explanation of what led them to making the decision they made, taking accountability, informing me of a plan to avoid us being in this predicament in the future and it all being sincere.  i don’t necessarily need groveling and while words are great, without action, they are meaningless.

 

have you already taken the assessment?  if not, you can do so here.

 

to buy the 5 languages of apology book (“when sorry isn’t enough”), head over to amazon.  you can snag a paperback copy for about 10 bucks.  for my people out there that don’t love reading, it is also available on audible.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

 

 

thought of the week: be wary

hey there.  my intention was to do this post on monday morning but if i am keeping it 100, i was definitely in a slump after hearing the news about kobe and gianna’s passing along with seven other passengers (two of them being 13 year old girls from gianna’s team).  i am not much of a cryer and on sunday night, i literally had to ice my eyes because the swelling was just out of control.  it seems like the whole world stopped – los angeles certainly did.  anyway, i wanted to give myself the space and grace to process instead of just operating as if i was not in a state of mourning.  i knew my blog would be waiting for me when i was ready to circle back and here we are.

something i have found to be a common theme amongst my clients is self doubt. or at least that’s what they think they are suffering from. after doing a bit of a dive, we often often come to find that they did not start off doubting themselves but after telling a friend, family member or another “trusted party” about their dreams or aspirations, they were dismissed or discounted. they are often told of all of the reasons why something won’t work or why what they have their heart set on isn’t attainable. another thing that often happens is being ill advised. more often than not, it is coming from a party who hasn’t even walked a block in their shoes.

earlier this month, i came across this quote from a dear friend, jude. per usual, she hit the nail on the head.

 

 

 

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“be wary of advice from those who’ve never been where you want to be. it’s easy to critique from the stands rather than play on the court.” -jude

it not only made me think of my clients but it made me think of how my younger self often allowed others to project their insecurities onto me which slowed down (or completely stopped) my evolvement into greatness.

this is something to serve as your friendly friday reminder to think twice about who you are seeking advice from, what their intentions are, what the impact is and whether or not their journey makes them suitable to be your guide.

xoxo,

k. tap

morning glory

last weekend was action packed – from hosting five girlfriends from the bay for 36 hours in la to a quick trip to san diego to spend some quality time with my friend hillary, there was never a dull moment.

 

i get down to san diego pretty often and while there are bars/restaurants i frequent (like smoking gun), i also feel like hillary makes an effort to take me somewhere new every single time i visit.  this time, we went to three or four places i had never been but there was one that stood out above all: morning glory.

 

both hillary and lauren assured me it would be worth the wait and to just commit to drinking at a nearby bar no matter the wait time.  that is just what we did after being told (around 1pm) that the wait would be two hours.  they took down our number and said they would text when ready.  we had drinks and oysters at a couple of different places and got lucky enough to have our table ready about 30 minutes ahead of schedule.  the good thing is there are plenty of restaurants and bars nearby to kill time at while waiting so it actually isn’t absolutely terrible.  as soon as i walked in, i saw why it was worth the wait.

 

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the space is absolutely breathtaking and is every girly girl’s dream.  tons of pink, metallics and beautiful dessert bars and cocktails everywhere you look.  i was lucky enough to dine with two people who are not picky eaters so we each picked one item for the table to share.  even though i love savory items, lauren insisted that the pancakes were to die for and let me tell you this: no lies were told.

 

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they are the fluffiest pancakes i have ever had and are lightly dusted with powdered sugar then served with butter, fresh whipped cream and syrup.  there was not a single bite left on the plate.

 

hillary chose both the fried rice and the bacon.  i did not understand the hype over the bacon until it arrived.

 

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and lastly, i ordered the fried chicken salad.  it was seasoned perfectly, crisp and delicious.

 

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now, onto the drinks.  the menu was extensive and that doesn’t even include the champagne vending machine.  the drinks are as tasty as they are beautiful.

 

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the first photo is a spiked strawberry italian soda.  there was something so nostalgic and delightful about it.  the second one is the sakura bloom and i don’t say no to drinks with vodka or egg whites  the third drink is their bellini.  could the glass be more beautiful?  and the last one is foster’s freeze which is bourbon based.  while i did not try it since dark liquor does not like me as much, it looked like something worth sipping, especially if you like bourbon or banana.

 

i have included snapshots of the menu (specifically for cocktails) below for your reference but i really cannot say enough about morning glory.  the food, drinks, service and ambiance we are all well worth the wait.  it is definitely a place i will be retuning to on my next visit to san diego.

 

xoxo,

k. tap

thought of the week: you don’t have to choose – be both

about a week ago, i reposted a quote from garcelle (an amazing actress who will also be on this upcoming season of real housewives of beverly hills – so excited to see a black woman on this franchise). anyway, i got a surprising number of dms about it and more specifically, why women felt the need to choose between these two things. it is almost as though the two cannot coexist within one being. i definitely beg to differ.

“be a badass with a big heart.”

in the world we live in, people, especially women, are often put into boxes. that being said, there is this idea that you are either a badass that gets shit done who is cold and icy or you are this emotional, blubbering mess with a huge heart but an inability to think rationally or accomplish things that require logic, skill and focus.

but here’s the thing: i am a badass with a big heart.

i accomplish the goals i set for myself, i take risks, i am independent and i am unapologetic. all of these things are associated with being a badass. at the same time, i am often called mama bear or mom by friends because i am a caretaker, i work as a therapist and if i love you, my love knows no bounds. long ago, i stopped apologizing for being a badass to make people more comfortable. i also stopped hiding the softer side of me for fear of being viewed as weak.

i have come to learn that the best people i know don’t choose because you can be both. my favorite humans are beautiful and bold badasses with the biggest hearts.

do you feel like both can coexist or do you feel pressured to be just one or the other?

xoxo,

k. tap

snagged at the half yearly

i am a huge nordstrom fan and the half yearly sale in december is definitely a time where my nordstrom card gets a little extra use. not only is it the holiday season, but a lot of my friends have december birthdays so why not knock it all out in one even swoop?

this sale, i snagged this amazing longline open cardigan by bp at the half yearly. it was originally $49 and was on sale for $29.40. i couldn’t leave it there when it clearly belonged in my closet/on my body.

photos taken by gracelyn bateman

i would describe the color as chestnut but it is called brown cattail. i don’t just love the feel and the look but i am living for these pockets.

you also may recognize this dress from my post about the veuve polo classic. in la, we are lucky enough to be able to throw on a cardigan to be prepared for winter weather.

while the cardigan might be sold out, i still want to know what great things you may have found at the half yearly sale.

xoxo,

k. tap