i hope you all enjoyed your weekends.  and for those of you who had three day weekend like i did in honor of veterans day, don’t forget to tell the vets you know who are still here how grateful you are for them.

i tend to get more contemplative than usual a few times a year.  while the new calendar year does not spark that in me, a few other days/times definitely do – my birthday, my grammy’s death date, the start of a new academic year and thanksgiving.  thanksgiving is  my favorite holiday but as with most things after a significant loss, the day took on an entirely new meaning once i no longer had my grandmother to celebrate the holiday with.  and it wasn’t just because her sweet potato pie was missing.  thanksgiving, along with each of the other days/times i mentioned, is now bittersweet.

over the last couple of years, i have gotten a lot better at sitting with feelings of discomfort instead of trying to ignore it, suppress it or put on a happy face if that was not what i was actually feeling.  instagram often surprises me with knowing exactly what i need to see to make me pause and reflect.

“oh how wonderfully you have grown since november of last year” –mhn (morgan harper nichols)

i know there won’t ever be a day where i am not grieving my grandmother, i do often think of ways she would want me to approach how i think and act.  after reading this single line from morgan harper nichols, i thought about all of the ways in which i have grown since last november…

1. i started this blog
2. i set clear and necessary boundaries, especially with family
3. i went on my first solo international trip
4. i shed some weight i knew my body was tired of carrying (still a work in progress but hey, slow movement is better than no movement)
5. i reprioritized my own mental health which in turn made me better for me, my family, my friends and my clients
6. i have learned to grant myself the same patience and tenderness as i do the ones i love most
7. i have become exponentially more assertive
8. the way i work in session with each of my clients has totally evolved in a way where they are getting more out of each session
9. i have strengthened relationships in ways i did not know possible
10. i love myself more now that i ever have before

so this month, i challenge you to take a moment to stop comparing yourself to others and simply compare you to you from a year ago.  what did you notice?  what have you accomplished?  what do you love about you?

xoxo,

k. tap

happy monday! i am just trying to get over this jet lag now that i am officially back from the east coast.  i am so grateful to have gained an extra hour over the weekend – lord knows i needed it.

today, a couple of colleagues and i presented on navigating healthy communication in adolescent relationships from both a theological and psychological perspective.  naturally, i had to bring up the 5 love languages and even had the attendees take the assessment.  in explaining each of the love languages, i highlighted how important quality time is to me along with what it means to me.

it brought me to this quote i saw over the weekend…

“‘i can make time’ – a love language”  -autumn starr 

there is something about this quote that stood out to me.  it is almost as though it is greater than quality time because it implies that even though that person may have a full schedule or plate, you are important enough for them to literally create time for.  let me give you some examples from my own life and the lives of a few close friends:

1. lax recently stopped allowing lyfts and ubers to do pickups from the airport.  being that i was coming back from a business trip and my parents would be out of town, i was panicked about how i would get home.  i explained the situation to tj (who might as well be my little brother) and he assured me that he would make the time for me.  even when plans later changed for him, he sent his mom in his place.  that is someone making time and making shit happen.
2. my godsister gets off work at 9pm and loves introversion, sleep and relaxation.  because she knows how much i value quality time and in person interactions, she is currently sitting across from me on the couch so we can just catch up on the last three weeks in the flesh.  this is one of the many ways she makes time for me.
3. a friend of mine who is newly married and recently got a promotion at work was asked to help plan a birthday party for her mother in law.  this became more than just making a few phone calls and grabbing balloons – it was as though an additional job of hers had become event planning.  to intensify things, a week before the party, she was in a car accident.  while she was tired and would have loved nothing more than to just be in bed in peace, she made the time to make her mother in law feel special while supporting her husband.
4. my mom knew that i was sick the week before last.  i did not want her to get sick so i made sure we did not see one another.  what did she do?  send me soup, fruit, juice and meds via a delivery man.  even with her being swamped at work, she made time to prioritize being a caretaker who was invested in my health.
5. marilena knew that in 2018, there were multiple aspects of my birthday i did not love and that it was just a tough year as a whole.  next thing i knew, amidst her busy work schedule, she had booked a five day trip to la to just spend some time with me.  she made the time and did it without any expectations.
6. the week before last, i was supposed to meet my friend gracelyn for happy hour but ended up being overwhelmed with all of the shit i needed to do to prep for my trip.  next thing i know, she shows up with snacks and coffee/tea so we could still spend time while allowing me to be productive in my own home.

what have you made time for lately, even when it seemed like there was no time left?  has there been a person in your life who has made time for you even when it seemed nearly impossible?

xoxo,

k. tap