two of the many interesting things about quarantine are additional time to connect with others and a great amount of time to reflect.  each day, i have had at least two meaningful facetime calls with friends and family.  there has been a ton of overlap in the themes of these conversations.  the one i am highlighting this evening are relationships that have run their course.

i think there is this idea that is instilled in many of us from a young age around the amount time spent doing something or building a relationship with someone being a factor that is significant enough to continue doing it or being in that relationship.  what is not discussed is the idea of being able to stop doing something or cut off a relationship once you have done everything in your power to make it a positive experience and it is not working or the other party is not doing their part to keep the relationship afloat.

i had a conversation over the weekend with a dear friend and he kept saying how many years he put into the relationship.  he then went on to list all of the ways this relationship was not only toxic but abusive.  but in his mind, the justification was the number of years put in.  it was this idea that if he truly ended things, all of the time spent in that relationship would have been wasted as opposed to viewing it as an experience to learn and grow for himself and for the next relationship.

it made me think of this quote i stumbled across a few weeks ago:

“don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.”

i shared this image/quote with him and he was shook.  it was exactly what he needed to read in order to start the process of letting go.

what thing or relationship (and not just intimate, platonic ones count, too!) are you clinging onto simply because of the amount of time you invested?

xoxo,

k. tap

while the number of hours i spend working a week have oddly increased during quarantine, i also have the occasional gap in my day that allows time for self reflection or connection with important people in my life.

with all of the uncertainty in the world right now, it is even more important to lean on one another. vulnerability is grossly underrated.

my thought of the week, courtesy of billy chapata, is simple yet powerful:

“appreciate the ones who carry your concerns when your soul feels heavy. the ones who put their load down for a brief moment to check in on you and make you feel lighter. the ones who resist from weighing you down with their opinion but instead, offer you a space free of judgement.”

there is something beautiful and unifying about someone putting their loads down, even just for a moment, to be sure that those they love are doing okay. that space becomes even more desirable when it is judgment free.

this pandemic has created a lot of stress and reignited some grief, loss and trauma for those who have lost someone either unexpectedly or due to something respiratory related.

i have had a lot of people reach out to me to ask me what they can do to help and i think oftentimes, we think if it is not something that helps millions of people, it isn’t helpful. i strongly disagree.

check in on your loved ones, especially the ones who normally hold others up. schedule a facetime or two per day to just remind those closest to you that you love them and that they are not alone during this time.

for all of those who have checked in on me, agreed to scheduling a facetime, answered an unscheduled facetime or just sent me a text or dm to inquire about the wellness of me, my family and my clients, i love you more than you know.

for those of you who normally are slow to initiate contact with your loved ones, i couldn’t think of a better time to start.

stay safe out there.

xoxo,

k. tap