things have been fucking weird over the last couple of weeks here in la (and worldwide, la was just late to the party) due to covid-19.  so weird in fact that i could not pinpoint why i felt a shift this morning when i woke up.  i felt the need to extend myself to others in this time of complete confusion and chaos.  after dropping off my rent check in their mailbox this morning, a small gesture i thought i could offer was letting my landlords (an elderly couple) know that i would be happy to run any errands they needed while i am working from home to avoid them leaving their cute home in pasadena.

since i was already out, i indulged and swung by the starbucks drive thru to get a venti iced chai with soy and an added espresso shot.  the sweet guy at the register complimented my braids and i thanked him.  as i reached to grab my phone for him to scan, i caught a glimpse of the tattoo on my arm.  i read and reread the roman numerals.  then i realized what day it was. march 22.

today marks 18 years since my uncle passed.  i only had one that i got the opportunity to know (my dad’s brother passed when i was a baby) so uncle melvin or “squeaky” as we called him, was everything to me.  i trusted him fully. we belly laughed together regularly.  i still stop whatever i am doing to watch the green mile whenever it is on tv because we watched it together more times than i could count.

he had the biggest heart and was always looking for ways, both big and small, to help others.  with the current state of our world, we should all follow suit (to the best of our abilities).  this quote made me think of him…

“when we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind.”

i am currently jamming out to maze and frankie beverly (one of his favorite groups) and thinking of other ways i can continue to honor his legacy moving forward.

today, without even knowing what day it was initially, i lived with the love he left behind.

how do you live with the love your loved ones have left behind?  i would love to hear about it.

xoxo,

k. tap

in the last several weeks, i have had a ton of conversations about life, love and loyalty. maybe that is just part of the deal with turning 30? things seem to be more serious and more significant. i definitely don’t mind it but it definitely has me in a more contemplative space.

when i was in the bay a little over a week ago, i got to spend some quality time with my dear friends, anj and aaron. in discussing relationships, and more specifically, friendships, there were a series of questions and ideas proposed about loyalty and reciprocity. both are crucial for any healthy relationship. it reminded me of this quote from billy chapata.

“are you loyal to you as much as you are loyal to other people? or does your loyalty not understand what reciprocation is yet?” -billy chapata

damn.

here’s the thing: while loyalty and reciprocity are crucial in building relationships, the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. it sets the tone for all of your other relationships.

so with that, i ask you, are you loyal to you as much as you are loyal to other people? i would love to hear your thoughts.

xoxo,

k. tap

in my work with teen girls, there is a ton of talk about perception, pleasing others, fitting in and how to be the most impressive version of themselves.  i find that in addition to listening, i am often debunking myths around the aforementioned.  i also find that i am frequently asking the girls to tell me five things about themselves that they love.  the answers are often similar – the five things they list are usually associated with what they do as opposed to who they are.

when i point that out and say the question out loud again, i am met with everything from blank stares to loud sighs to tears and everything in between.  i remind them that i already know about what they do as i have access to their grades and help each of them build a resumé.  i am interested on what is on the inside.

the gist of what i want them to know is this:

“your value stays constant whether it is seen or not.” -seeker

between being teens looking for validation from their parents, their friends and even strangers on social media, i think it is easy to lose sight of not only their value but what determines their value in the first place.

on a phone call with my friend last night, i told her about this question and the importance of asking that even when we are adults.  what are five things about yourself that you love?  i would love for you to list them below.

remember, you value is not determined by what you do or who sees it, it is determined by who you are even when no one is watching.

xoxo,

k. tap