in sessions with my clients, when they show me/bring up quotes about love, it is evident that their minds automatically go in the direction of romantic relationships.  i often challenge them to think about how they love themselves, the love between them and their families, friends, etc.

when i saw this quote from billy chapata about love, i thought both about how murky the waters can be with family, friends (the family you choose) or a partner.

“when love for someone starts jeopardizing the love you should have for yourself, then it’s never worth it.  love shouldn’t hinder you, it should elevate you.  love should never silence you, it should give you a voice.  love should never weigh you down, it should help you grow wings.” -billy chapata aka iambrillyant

LISTEN (yes, i did have to use caps for emphasis so you know it is real af).

i thought about all of the ways i used to compromise who i was (i will at some point have to do a post on how i do not believe in compromise) to better fit the mold of who i thought the other person wanted me to be for the relationship (whether that person was a parent, a friend or a partner).  i thought about times where i felt small as a result of the relationships i was engaging in with people i loved who claimed to love me.  i thought about the times where i felt suffocated by someone who truly believed they loved me.  and what i realized is this:

while they may have truly loved me, even loved me to the very best of their ability, it does not mean that they were capable of loving me in the ways i needed to be loved.  the best types of love i have experienced have made me feel even more like myself.  the best types of love have made me feel completely liberated.

are you currently loving someone in a way that jeopardizes how you love yourself?  if so, what are you going to do to change it?

xoxo,

k. tap

yesterday was thought provoking not just because it was the one year anniversary of this blog, but because so many of the questions i was asked to answer on my instagram live (which is still up until 8pm pst) were about love and relationships whether they be romantic or platonic.

a common theme was about how to successfully set boundaries and/or cut ties once the relationship has run its course. while there are a million ways to approach boundary setting or cutting ties, the overall message is more simple than most of us make it. at least a week ago, i saw this quote and took a screenshot of it. i didn’t know when i would use it but i knew it was one that would come in handy.

“choose people that choose you.” –the good quote

it’s that simple.

take a look at the people you are pouring into. are they pouring back into you? if not, imagine how good it would feel to choose people that actively choose you. you deserve at least that.

xoxo,

k. tap