yesterday was thought provoking not just because it was the one year anniversary of this blog, but because so many of the questions i was asked to answer on my instagram live (which is still up until 8pm pst) were about love and relationships whether they be romantic or platonic.

a common theme was about how to successfully set boundaries and/or cut ties once the relationship has run its course. while there are a million ways to approach boundary setting or cutting ties, the overall message is more simple than most of us make it. at least a week ago, i saw this quote and took a screenshot of it. i didn’t know when i would use it but i knew it was one that would come in handy.

“choose people that choose you.” –the good quote

it’s that simple.

take a look at the people you are pouring into. are they pouring back into you? if not, imagine how good it would feel to choose people that actively choose you. you deserve at least that.

xoxo,

k. tap

happy friday and here’s to the first post of 2020!

for those of you who have been following along since the beginning, you know i swear by the 5 love languages. with that being said, i am constantly trying to improve my relationships with the people i love by loving them in their preferred love language(s). i have many people in my life who truly love and appreciate words of affirmation and that is not one that comes naturally to me outside of big days (birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc.). while i have been working on it, this quote below made me chuckle because it is just so me.

“people don’t always say: i love you. sometimes it sounds like: be safe. did you eat? call me when you get home. i made you this.” –thinking humanity

i realized that while i may not say “i love you” as often as i should to those who i love, i do say it in a variety of other ways:

1. how can i best support you during this difficult time?

2. is there anything i can do to lighten your load?

3. can i get you a blanket?

4. what would you like me to make you do dinner?

5. are you getting enough sleep?

6. what have you done for yourself lately that is just for you?

7. text me when you get home.

8. i actively miss you.

9. this song made me think of you/here’s this playlist i made for you.

10. you improve my life quality.

i could make this list go on forever but you catch my drift.

are you already good at saying “i love you” or are you like me and need a little work/say it in a variety of other ways? if so, i would love to hear about them below.

xoxo,

k. tap

initially, i was going to start this post off with an apology for going just over two weeks with no blog posts whatsoever.  then i realized that would not be authentic because i am not actually sorry.  i just dislike disappointing people and i also dislike inconsistency.  not blogging for 15 days, especially while having some time off work felt inconsistent to me.  but guess what?  it also felt good to break rules that i have set for myself.  it felt good to just take time to just be.

during this time off, i realized i do not just dislike christmas, i don’t like the holiday season in general.  sue me for saying this but it requires more extroversion than i would like, it serves as a reminder of those i have lost who made this time of year more bearable (or even special) and christmas seems to be more about gifts than it does something meaningful.  i also have an issue with the concept of santa because what about kids who are not from families with enough money to make santa a reality?  perhaps that will be a different post at a later date.

anyway, i have realized that the holiday season puts me into a bit of a slump and if there was a fast forward button or a way for me to just go to sleep from the bulk of december, i would gladly take advantage of it.  i also realized that i don’t think i have ever said those exact words out loud and it made me wonder how many other people silently suffer during the holiday season.  be sure you are checking in on your strong friends from time to time, even if they appear fine.

2019 definitely was not my worst year but it was one where i felt tested in a variety of ways.  whether it was at work, with family, with love interests, with friends or even with myself, i was pushed to limits i did not know existed.  while i grew a ton as a result, it was also tough to keep trekking along.  what i will say is that i have figured out a lot more about myself, mapped out clear goals and have a vision when it comes to the kind of people i want in my orbit for the next year/decade/life moving forward.  in order to not exhaust myself, 2020 will feature a lot more of me meeting people where they are and acknowledging that we do not all operate at the same frequency/on the same wavelength.

the thing that brought me the most joy in 2019?  without a doubt, it was this very blog.  in exactly one week, it will be a year since i launched and i cannot wait to celebrate that milestone with each of you.  i will be on instagram live at 8pm pst on tuesday, january 7th, 2020.  i hope you all tune in.

if you are going out tonight, have fun + stay safe.  if you are staying in tonight, i hope you are doing so with people you love.

happy new year!

xoxo,

k. tap

first off, let me apologize for the week long delay between posts.  i was slammed at work in a way that had me totally depleted by the time i got home – so depleted that i was falling asleep fully clothed with all the lights on in my house.  sometimes, it be like that.

anyway, as the year and decade comes to a close, i have seen people posting some interesting things online.  so many of them are contemplative – really going over what to leave behind in 2019 or the 10s and what to take into 2020/the new decade.  i think there was a point in time where i was measuring success in a way that was far from healthy – it was about what i was doing in relation to my peers.  but here’s the thing: i am not on the same journey as any of them.  some might look similar but no two are identical.  for that reason, i started making a point to simply compare me to me.

i often ask myself am i in a better place than i was at this time last year?  am i a better person than i was at this time six months ago?  have i learned new things about myself that allow me to live more fully than i was three months ago?  let me tell you this – my life quality has improved because i have constantly been improving.  sometimes, it is harder to see day to day but it is definitely something i can easily notice from season to season or year to year.

i had brunch with my friend jude this sunday.  she is one of my soul sisters and founded in her shoes, a community built around catalyzing courage.  she tends to keep in line by reminding me to make time for myself.  she also frequently drops these gems without even realizing it.  this morning, as dj khaled would say, there was another one.

“be too busy watering your own grass to check, wonder, or compare if yours is greener.  but really.”  -xx jude

if my 2020 is busy, this is what it will be busy with – pouring back into me.

when is the last time you simply watered your own grass without looking at or thinking about your neighbor’s for comparison/inspiration?

xoxo,

k. tap